I have so many emotions I want to vent. And though I will probably still vent in this post I'd like to try and focus on what I am grateful for. I've been watching my children and thinking about my situation, and I've just started to see how well things have worked out in life. Even when everything seems wrong. Perhaps it is because of this time of year that I've stopped to think about what I'm grateful for. Perhaps my new perspective is an answer to a prayer. Either way I thought this would be a good Christmas time post. Here are the thoughts that have arisen in my head the past few days
My baby is still fussy. When he feels good he is so calm and so sweet. But he still has problems with gas and indigestion and so, yes, he is fussy a lot. I started to wonder why he was sent to me this time around. Why not first? That way I could pay more attention to him. That way I would have spaced my children better. So why didn't he come first or even later when I wasn't so stressed? Then I realized that the twins were great training for this little guy. The twins sort of fell into a schedule and I just enforced it. Had I not had that practice I may not have put this baby on a schedule at all, and I would have been even more miserable for longer. Also, when he's good he is so good I almost forget he's there. So it's probably good that he's a fussy because then I remember to give him attention too. It's also been such a gift for me to see that my skills as a mother really do help to improve a situation. Letting him cry and putting him on a schedule have helped things improve so much. I'm glad to know that I can take some credit for how good the twins are and how much better he is getting.
Yes the baby is hard, but I've recently noticed how nice he is in someways. Putting him on a schedule didn't seem as hard as it did with the twins. The twins were so sensitive to changes and everything had to be exact. The baby is more flexible, and it's easier to mickey mouse his day.
He is easier to get to sleep when I want him too. All I have to do is swaddle him and stick a binkie in his mouth. In fact the biggest frustration with him is getting him to stay awake because he cries so I just let him cry. But then he cries himself to sleep when I don't want him to sleep. At least his crying periods don't last more then 20 minutes- usually.
He is also good at riding in the car. The twins were awful in the car. They've gotten better, but they still can be miserable. I also like that he'll sleep anywhere as long as he's swaddled and has a binkie.
Sometimes, at nap time, I'll strap him in his car seat so then we can all just take off and go somewhere. The twins only sleep if they are in their own room, where they can't see anyone.
Of course the twins have their advantages too. They learn so quickly and they are so obedient. They have learned to clean up their dishes and get their own bibs. They also bring me diapers and bum cream when I'm changing someone. They just automatically started to do it. They've learned to throw things away and go put things in the sink when I ask them to. They love to help me unload the dishwasher. They've just recently learned how to climb into their booster seats. It's amazing how helpful that is. Just more reason's I'm lucky they were first.
My little boy is wonderful. Today, while I was changing the baby, he got some tissues and he was helping me wipe the baby's bum- luckily it wasn't too messy.
He usually is the one that gets into trouble. He likes to throw my laundry soap everywhere, get into drawers and places he doesn't belong and he has started to rearrange my storage room whenever he can get in there. But at the same time he is the most obedient of the two. If I ask him to do something he usually does. Where his twin brother just ignore's me.
My little boy is great and sharing too. If his twin brother is throwing a fit over a toy they both want then my little boy will let him have it. He also makes sure his twin brother his blankie, toys and food. But on the other hand he is known to throw huge tantrums if someone starts playing with one of his favorite toys. Even if he's not playing with it at the time.
My Big boy is wonderful as well. He is very laid back and will play quietly by himself all day. He probably wouldn't get into trouble if his twin brother weren't around to show him the ropes. He really just plays nicely with his toys Most of the time. But he is also harder to negotiate with. When he throws a tantrum it's hard to get him to calm down. He is very stubborn when it comes to listening to mom and doing as she says.
He is my little sweetheart though. And he is so thoughtful and kind. He brings me flowers and he always finds ways to make me feel special.
He's also very good with words. He has learned so much and he picked them up on their meanings so quickly. If I ask if he's poopy he will say, "Poopy Poopy" and that usually means he is.
I'm even grateful, in someways, for my situation. My husband is gone a lot. Four days out of the week he is gone from 8:00 in the morning until 10:00 at night. It may not sound so bad but it gets incredibly tedious. On Sunday nights every fiber of my being longs to make the day last loner, longs for Monday not to come and for my husband not to be gone so long. Someday's it takes all my strength to hold back the tears. I miss him terribly. And I miss him in ways that I never thought I would. I miss the company- that I expected. But I also just miss the support. The extra set of hands that can take over if I no longer have the strength or patience. I miss everything about him. But missing him makes our time together so much more wonderful. It helps me appreciate him so much more. As hard as it is to have him gone it's that much more wonderful to have him home.
Life is hard, but the hard times are when we grow. Sometimes I enjoy the challenge and the opportunity to learn, grow and become a better person.
I also enjoy knowing that I have these experiences to my name. Each experience gives me more insight into the feelings and emotions of others. I really do love that. I love that the more I go through the more empathetic and understanding I can be.
I also enjoy learning of the kindness of my friends and strangers. My friend read my blog and offered to watch the baby overnight to help relieve some of my stress. She's an amazing person. I really admire her and want to be more like her. It was just amazing that she saw my need for help and was willing to offer her time, and more, to help me out.
Other's have written me emails with suggestions and an understanding voice- often times that is all I need; someone to talk to that understands what I'm going through.
These actions truly make me feel so special. I'm so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life. I'm so blessed to have friends that can see my struggles and my needs, and they reach out a hand to help. All of you are answers to prayers.
I also enjoy that seeing kindness of strangers. The woman that held my baby at the ward party so I could eat. The man that helped me get the kids on the sidewalk when I went to the store by myself the other day. Those in my ward who helped me with the kids the other night at the activity. All are people I don't know very well, but were still more then will to help me out.
I'm also thankful to my family for all that they have done. Thank you to my Mother-in-Law for coming and helping with the kids. And for all the other times you visit and help us out. Thank you to my parents for keeping me company when my husband is at work, for helping me with my laundry and for watching my kids all the time so I can have a break.
Life is hard but I have so much to be grateful for! Thank you to everyone!
