Fighting the Stress Monster

I wish I was good under pressure and handled stress well, but I'm not. I think a big problem is that I'm incredibly driven by my emotions. I have a very hot temper. I tend to throw and kick things when I get really mad. And I yell. I yell a lot. But I try to recognize the fact that this is something I need to get under control. I really want to get it under control before my kids start getting old enough to remember. One of them has already started to recognize the warning signs of Monster Mom.

While growing up, and trying to control many emotions, I learned something important. You can't take control when you're in the middle of it all. The control has to come from the beginning. For example: If you want to avoid smoking and drinking you don't go and hang out at bars every night. Instead you would avoid the situation entirely, if you could.

So to fight off my stress monsters I need to recognize what will set me off. I've been trying to practice this. When I feel something that starts to dig under my skin, and I start to react, I just tell myself, "Stop! Don't go there!"

At times I even try to visualize pushing something out from under my nerves.

Another way I avoid stress is right here in this blog. I use my blogs, and facebook, as outlets to the outside world. Sometimes all I need is a little communication. It's funny how a comment on the blog, or a notification on facebook, can totally make my day. It can turn me from the over frazzled mom, who yells all day long, and can't seem to get anything done, into a happy mom, that sings fun little songs, and takes some time to tickle her kids and make them laugh.

I've also tried just calling some people, like my mom or husband, just to talk. It kind of helps, but it's not the best.

A not so good one is my Soda Pop. This is probably proof of how addicted I am, but when I'm feeling a little worn I pull out a pop and tell myself, "This is your break!" Take a drink, and a deep breath, and I feel slightly rejuvenated.

There are times I just can't let things go. Like repetitiveness really sets me off. Like the when I let out a frustrated moan when I hit my head in the kids playroom, for the hundredth time, while I was crawling in there to turn of the light. Pain is another one that sets me off. I then think about how I'm the only one that turns it off. And how I'm the only one that cleans up that stupid playroom. I even got so sick of it I took the light bulb out and none of the kids played in there for months. Luckily the twins are now old enough to crawl in and turn it off themselves when I ask them to.



Initial shock of a situation can set me off too! Like when I was at the McDonalds and one of the twins flushed a diaper cover down the toilet-- the more expensive part of the cloth diaper. It was a pocket diaper, so I pulled out the pad inside, set the cover on the toilet to be rinsed, put the pad in the wet bag, heard a flush, turned around and the diaper cover was gone. I didn't even know what to think. The whole thing must have freaked out my little boy because he started crying before I started yelling. Yes, right in the middle of a public restroom, I repeatedly yelled, "Don't ever do that again! Don't play with the toilets! Do you understand what you just did!" Luckily it was one of the cheaper diapers, but it was still a frustrating situation.

One that has really been digging at me lately is whining. Oh, how my children whine. And it drives me insane. Sometimes they whine about 5 things at once, "I want a drink, I want a cracker, I want to go on a walk." Then the rest will be gibberish that I'm yet to understand. So I try to solve a problem. Give them a cracker or a drink. They fold their arms and say, "No!" Apparently the gibberish, that I cannot understand, is what they are really after. So I just send them into the room to watch Thomas, or tell them to go outside. On my better days I can calmly say, "Say Please, and don't whine. Tell me what it is you want." On my bad days, in a not so calm fashion, I say "Stop whining! Oh my gosh you drive me CRAZY!" Sometimes the the good days and the bad days are the same day.



Even though I'm still working on having patience, and being calm under pressure, one other thing I try to practice is saying, "Sorry". I know I can't take back what I did or said. But it's really important to me to recognize that I have done something wrong, and then let my children know I shouldn't have done that and I am sorry. I don't want them to think everything is their fault. Sometimes it can be really hard for me to go and apologize. Even though I know I'm at fault, I'll still try and try to make it someone else wrong doing. But it's really important to me to do this, so I swallow my pride and go in and apologize. Of course, I always try to make sure I'm sincere. Because an insincere apology is almost as bad as no apology.

So one last thing on this post of mine. One more stress buster were using around here is this lovely calender.



I'll explain it in a minute, but first I want to explain where the idea stemmed from.

I wanted to create this for a long time now. A way to better organize my thoughts and get things done. But the pressure to get it done really came about over the summer. Our marriage went through a lot of stress. I felts so worn thin-- if anyone is a nerd, like me, that line from The Lord of the Rings about too little butter being spread over too much bread perfectly describes it. Things got so bad that I was worried I would never be able to get past it. I was worried I would hold it against my husband until he finally left. I knew that was wrong of me. I knew I needed to forgive him, but I just felt so wronged. Well believe it or not this calender set up has helped us move past some of those issues. One of the problems was that my husband had too much on his plate. He wasn't asking for help, but he was forgetting to do a lot of very important things. Which is why this calender really works well for us.

So I printed out little pictures for the chores I need to get done each week, month, etc. And we put them up as needed. I then printed out a picture for a Project Day. We'll have it once a month. And on that day we will pull a note card, out of an envelope, that will have a project written on it and get it done. There is also a project day specifically for my husband. I don't know if it will be once a week or once a month. Probably once a week for now because there is a lot of catching up to do. It's just like Project Day only this time it's things that my husband needs to get done. Last but not least, at the top is a picture for deep cleaning. Every month we'll pick a different room from the Deep Cleaning Envelope and spend the month deep
cleaning that room.

I also gave my husband a note pad that has all the days of the week on it. That way he can write down one thing each day that he needs to do.

I know it sounds like I'm picking on him, but I promise I'm doing my fair share too. Plus if he needs help, I'm always here.

These other calenders are for writing down events that are happening, and one is for m husband's work schedule because it's all sorts of crazy.



This calender has really helped cut down stress. In fact we've had so much free time lately, and nothing overwhelming or procrastinated to fill it's void, that we don't know what to do with ourselves. I should also note that it has only been a couple of days, so we'll see if it stands the test of time.

Good luck with your Stress Monsters! Whatever they may be!

This Is Me!

This is me. A silly, little, Mormon, girl, who writes a cheesy post about one of her favorite country songs. OK, not just favorite country song, but one of my all time favorite songs. One thing that really strikes me is the lyrics. They are so well written. And the way the music makes you just want to get up and do something. . .well it doesn't get any better than that. At least not for me.

Truth be told I really feel I can relate to this song. Who throws themselves into a fire more than me? OK I'm sure I have some competition out there, but you have to admit I seem pretty glutton for punishment at times.

Take my husband and I for example: We had a short dating period, got married in a winter month, are both the youngest in our families and we are the parents of multiples. All of these are usually factors that lead to a higher divorce rate. I guess we just like to beat the odds!

I got pregnant just nine months after having twins. Why? I guess twins just weren't enough of a challenge. As I raise my boys I realize how much I took advantage of with the twins. They were so easy going in so many ways, and, silly me, I just thought that's how babies were. I learned a lot from my youngest child, like not to judge other mothers too harshly and to not judge myself too harshly either. It's amazing how he humbled me and taught me that my mothering skills were still worth something all at the same time.

I don't know why I do the things I do. All my life I've wanted to be strong. I guess I keep throwing myself into the fire to try and prove to myself that I am. For years I felt so weak. People told me my traits were signs of low self esteem and lack of confidence. I never got asked out on a date in high school because I lacked confidence and guys respond to confidence. Me being shy means I have low self esteem and, that I once again, lack in the confidence area. I don't know if I necessarily believe that this is true, but in my search for answers, and approval, they are some of the things that came up.

I personally feel a need to overcome many of my shortcomings. One thing that I really strive to do is to be a woman of my word. I heard that phrase and fell in love with it. I wanted people to use that when they described me. I try hard to make an honest effort to do the things I promise I'll do. I try hard not to say things that are not true. When I compliment I don't lie. Being a "Woman of my word" is a goal that has helped me to achieve a lot. It has even helped me overcome, partially, my fear of confrontation. Have I succeeded? Not entirely. But I still try everyday.

I don't know if I'm strong, a woman of my word, confident or have high self esteem. But I know that I'm a person that generally cares for the well being of her family and others. I like to help whenever I can. And if I offer to help I guarantee I mean it. At times I may get prideful and boastful. It's not what I really mean to do, it's probably more just lack of practice, lack of knowing a better way to phrase things or not thinking how something may sound. Most the time I strive to connect. Make people feel validated. Let people know I can relate. If in fact I can.

Maybe I don't throw myself into the fire so much to prove my strength, but to prove it can be done. To gain a better understanding of trials, so that I may better help others. There's no doubt that my actions aren't completely selfless. But in the end I don't want to just be strong, I want to be strong with a story to tell. A story and a better understanding.

A Lesson From The Farmer and The Cowman

As my husband and I drove up to Ikea for, what we've come to call our "Ikea Dates", I played him one of my favorite Broadway Show tunes Soundtrack: "Oklahoma!" I thoroughly enjoyed listening to Hugh Jackman sing about the Oh so beautiful morning. And I'll admit some of the songs had me envisioning some fun Hoedown choreography in my head. But my favorite part was hearing this line:

"I don't say I'm no better than anybody else, But I'll be damned if I ain't jist as good!" --Eller, Rodgers and Hammerstein's "Oklahoma!"

I just thought that was perfect! Sometimes I get down on myself because I feel I'm too annoying, maybe a bit too preachy, maybe to quick to spill unwanted advice, etc. But then I think, "I may do some annoying and irritating things, but so does everybody else, and if I can forgive them well they can forgive me!"

As a mother especially I feel inadequate at times. Heck, the whole month of August I coasted by. I didn't really take time to enjoy with my kids. I mostly yelled at them. My patience was so lost I couldn't even tone it down when I was outside for all to hear. There were many stressors associated with this month. One of them being my baby boy's first birthday.

I like to have a huge party for their first birthday and his was no exception. We threw a fun Cowboy party that I have been planning since he was born. Of course, all that planning didn't help much when a shed in our backyard didn't get moved until the day of the party. This left me a little frazzled, still trying to set up at 6:00-- when the guests arrived-- and having a short temper with my husband. Luckily my aunt and uncle showed up early, in hopes of going to the local art museum which was closed, and helped as set up a lot. All the guests were calm and patient. And I calmed down once we finally got the food all set out.



The sad thing is, after all was said and done, I was looking forward to finally having my patience restored. Finally, I wouldn't have to obsess over every little mess being made. Finally that shed wouldn't be digging into my nerves. Instead, I got some sort of stomach bug and spent the next day ill. I barely paid attention to my kids, and only lifted a finger to put them down for a nap.

I don't think I'll be getting any gold stars for motherhood this month. But my head is still in the game, and I'm still doing the best that I can. Sometimes I wish I could handle things in a much calmer and sweeter way, like so many other mothers I see. Sometimes I feel I let my kids get away with too much and don't try hard enough to teach them. Other times I worry about what psychological problems I may be causing them, and if these will later cause their wives incredible grief. And on my good days I just try to enjoy my sweet little princes, do my best to teach them to be gentlemen and protectors and try to look for the skills I've been given that will allow me to raise these boys to be good husbands and fathers.

I'm not the best that's for sure! But hopefully I fall somewhere around being ". . .jist as good."