Perhaps we'll listen to his intuition

Perhaps. . .

My Nephew: What's the baby in your tummy?

Me: A boy

My Nephew: Yeah! A boy! Then you'll have 3 boys! And then you'll have another baby and you'll have 4 babies.

Me: Oh OK. What will the next baby be?

My Nephew: Umm. . .We'll say it's a girl.

Then again perhaps not. . .

(Later on in the conversation)

My Nephew: . . .then you'll have another baby and that will be 6 babies. And then another and that will be 7 babies. And another until you have 10 babies!

Me: Oh wow! How many of those will be girls?

My Nephew: (thinks about it) 4.

Who could resist such sweet boys!

Shortly before my 20 weeks ultra sound I had a dream that we got said ultra sound. In the dream, for some reason, I wasn't awake for the whole ultra sound so I was asking my husband what the baby was. At first he said that they were both boys. And I thought, "I'm not talking about the twins ultra sound! I'm talking about this one." Well I couldn't tell if he was giving me new information or old, so I walked over and looked at a photo they had taken of the baby in my tummy. And there it was, clear as day: BOY! Well in this dream I was so devastated by these findings that I behaved TERRIBLY! I threw a tantrum and shouted, "I want to try again! I want to start over!" I was extremely upset and ill behaved. So much so that when I woke I was embarrassed to know I had acted that way even if it was just a dream- I was also relieved to find that we still hadn't had our actual ultra sound. Well I spent the day with my sweet boys, and I thought, "How could someone not want another one of you?"

Well, I would like to say that this dream prepared me in someway. I'd also like to say that said actions remained only in the dream state, but neither are true. I had no idea I would take the words, "It looks like a boy," so hard, but I did. It took me a couple days to come around. Luckily my husband understands my emotional outbursts- though this one was almost so over the top that I didn't know if I could recover- and he didn't have me committed. I know how horrible it sounds. I know that I love my boys more than air, and I would love another one just as much. I know people can't get pregnant, or have lost babies, and that they would be more than happy to find themselves in my situation. But I have to tell you that none of this was going to help in the midst of my emotional climax. No pep talks would have pulled me out of it. I just had to be angry for a day or so. I've come to the conclusion that, instead of experiencing a postpartum depression, I experience bouts of depression throughout pregnancy. It happened with the boys off and on, and it's going to happen this time too.

After a night of crying to my husband. I called my parents and asked them to not tell people yet because I wasn't ready to handle it. Well my mom convinced me to come and talk to her, and it really helped a lot. Not only did she get me to a point where I could actually pull out the ultra sound pics and show people, but I feel like we patched up a part of our relationship that had been scarred after a fight we had around Thanksgiving. She told me, "Other people have gone through this. Your not the only one. Everyone knows who you are and that this isn't you. And they know when that baby comes you'll love it and you'll take good care of it." And you know what? She's right.

So no worries. I don't need counseling. I don't break down and cry when I walk by the girls clothes at Wal-Mart, and when I hear of others having girls I actually have to make myself sarcastically feel jealous.

I wanted my twins to be a girl but I knew I'd have a boy first. So when they told me that they were boys I wasn't surprised. I of course went through moments were I'd get a little resentful that I had two babies in me and not even one could be a girl, but when they came I couldn't imagine having anything else.

The reason this ultra sound was such a shock was because deep down my husband and I both felt that this was our girl. I kept telling people that I have another boy coming but he's coming later. I don't know how to explain how wrong it felt, at first, that this one was a boy. It's not because I don't want another boy. It's because I really felt like my other boy was coming later. But when this boy comes I will love him, and I won't be able to even think about having a girl.

It's Just a Ball!

The other night we went to the grocery store and we found these toy balls for 99 cents. I gave one to the boys to see how they reacted to the texture, and they didn't want to give it back. We decided we could spend a dollar or two on them if it meant they'd have a toy that might hold their interests- plus we had neglected to get them a birthday present.



Well they were infatuated with these balls. They played with them all night long. And what did I do? I, of course, got all emotional and teary eyed as I watched my two boys get pure joy out of something so simple. It was just so sweet, and cute, and so many things that I can't even to describe to watch them play that night. I can't believe something like a ball can send me through an emotional tidal wave.



I've had these emotional moments before. There are so many times that I get so overwhelmed with emotions I don't know what to do. I feel overjoyed and happy because they are just so cute and fun. Then I feel sad as I watch the moment slip away. I feel like I can't take in all the joy the moment brings before it's gone. Then I feel an anticipation because they are growing up so fast and I haven't stopped to enjoy every little moment we have together.



As I am getting ready to welcome another child into the world I become more aware of how each situation is different. I can have another newborn, but I will never have my newborn twin boys again. That thought seems so logical, yet it comes as a shock to me. And it's also a reminder that I need to slow down and enjoy what I have because I'll only have it for a moment in time.

We Have a Bleeder!

My little boy is adventurous- he's the one that fell down the stairs and scabbed up his nose. He just can't hold still. He's always been more mobile then his brother. And, unlike his brother, he can entertain himself, and handle being left in the crib to cry. He's a headstrong little boy, and being so you'd guess that cuts, scrapes and bleeds would come with the package. Well you'd be wrong.

Yes, his laid back, easy going, "I'm just going to cry till you carry me upstairs," brother has somehow managed to be my bleeder.

*OK so there was one time when they were teething and I gave my little boy an un-moistened ice cube to suck on and by doing so caused him to rip off a chunk of his lip. I felt horrible! But other than this incident there really hasn't been a lot of bleeding for my little boy.*

My big boy has had 3 mouth bleeds, and two finger bleeds just since Easter. One of these mouth bleeds happened just from the simple act of crawling. He tripped over his hands, and his tooth managed to cut his lip. Sadly this tooth has also been the victim of a shopping cart fall. The finger cuts mostly come from playing with pop cans.- yes I let my children play with pop cans. I realize to prevent cut fingers avoidance of pop can playing would be key, but sometimes they are throwing a fit and you are so tired and that pop can is close and it's such an easy fix. Surprisingly we've had very few cut finger incidents. And most of our incidents have come from one child. I'm sure you know which one that is.

Yes my laid back boy keeps us hopping. Perhaps it's because of the added cuddles he gets from mom when she sees actual blood coming from somewhere.

We made it through the first year!

So first off I have to thank everyone who listened to me vent in my last post. It's good to know there are people out there who will listen to me when I'm feeling down :) I'm feeling much better nowadays. More secure about our life, and our future. My husband said that he should be able to apply for nursing school next Spring, and this just put me at ease. I feel like the job search is over- even though its not. Even the news that a part time position at my job would not be possible for the next school year has not stressed me out. It worried me a little at first, but then I thought perhaps it's Heavenly Father's way of answering my prayers. I can't continue to work with three kids, and part time seemed plausible, but now I feel that thing will just work out. I'll be able to stay home, and I won't have to deal with the stress of a job. So anyway. . .thank you for listening. It helped me move past the clutter of emotions in my mind.

OK. . .now on the the report of the first year.

It's been an interesting year with the twins. It was easier in some ways then I thought it would be, and it was also harder then I let myself believe sometimes.

I learned a lot. Like how each stage has it's up's and downs. It seems like you are constantly wishing for each stage to pass on to the next one, and then when the next one comes you start wishing to have the old stage back.

I learned the best time to travel with babies is during the first few months or after the 6 months. And if you have children that will not sleep in the car leaving at 10:00 at night is usually your best option.

I learned you can hear many strangely constructed sentences, and a lot of them may come out of your mouth. The one I still can't get over is, "Do not hit your brother in the face with a chicken!"

I learned that two boys that look a lot a like can be as different as night and day. And adjusting to those differences can be a challenge at times.

I learned that bathroom talk can easily make it into a casual dinner conversation.

I learned that sibling rivalry can start at a very early age, and that having two men fight over you is more annoying than flattering :)

I learned how easy it is to almost loose complete control while dealing with a crying baby.

But I think the most important thing I learned was that you can trust yourself to make decisions. Advice and books are all helpful guidelines, but in the end I found I could exercise a little faith in myself.

The 1st year was a lot of work, but it was the first time in my life that hard work was so rewarding.