Eggs Anyone?

The oldest of the twins, and the family, is one amazing kid. Granted we've just spent about two weeks dealing with his emotional breakdowns and trying to manage his whining. But he really is such a helper. He's such a big helper that when he's going through these phases it's really hard on me. When he's helping me he helps so much, and is so willing, it just makes me so happy and life so much better.

He really has been so sweet lately. Yesterday we went to the Dinosaur Museum and he was just thrilled. He loves science, and he was so excited to see everything. Granted we had some issues when I asked if I could take his pictures, but overall I had fun experiencing everything with him.

Then today was so great. I jokingly asked each of the kids to go make breakfast. They all said, "No!" And the younger twin proceeded to remind me, "We're just kids mom. We're just kids." Then the older twin said, "Fine, I'll just go make breakfast." He left and returned to inform me he was making eggs. We have been making a lot of eggs, and all the kids have been so excited to learn. So I went to check on him He had gotten some eggs out, cracked them, scrambled them and he was now looking for a pan. He even told me how he had followed my directions for cracking the eggs, and how much better it had worked. Then the 3 year old came in and wanted to make eggs. So he confidently helped his brother make some eggs too. I got him a pan and he poured them in and then sat there and cooked the eggs. He was so proud of himself. And I was proud of him too. It was all going great until he burned himself on the pan. That really burned his confidence too. He kept exclaiming, "I'm so stupid!" I sat down and explained to him that everyone who cooks burns themselves. It happens all the time. Poor kid.

Sometimes I wonder if I do well by my kids. I hope I teach them well, and raise them to be good adults. Through the stress and craziness of everyday life it's hard to always see if your doing a good job as a mom, or totally screwing up. Then you get a moment where everything seems to come together, and you realize they have learned good things, in the midst of the craziness. And you can breathe a little sigh of relief and feel like they'll turn out alright.

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Had a lot of fun researching this info.

Pursuit of Midwifery

I just started to attend a Midwifery school here in town, and I've really been enjoying my experience. As I was researching things for homework I found this article. This isn't about soap boxes, or me trying to say that hospitals and doctors are evil. I was just really impressed with this article, and I've been so impressed with the amazing women I have had the privilege to learn about as I study about midwifery. It's amazing once you set aside the controversy and guilt, that conversations about home births and midwives can often bring up, you discover these amazing stories of these amazing women who did, and do, amazing things.

I really don't want to write a long post, so I'm hoping I can share all of this without having it drag on. Here goes.

When I was first introduced to the home birth world I really fought against it. I felt like they were telling me that everything I did/wanted was wrong. Many of the things I read seemed to be written in anger and aimed at causing feelings of guilt. I felt like I had no place in this world. I had never had negative feelings towards c-sections, and I kind of knew that's how I would have my babies. It didn't bother me. It was really what I wanted, and each of my births have really meant something to me. It's hard to have something mean so much to you, and then be treated like you suffered a tragedy. This isn't me trying to say we should all aim for c-sections. This is just me saying that I specifically really liked my births. But I would never try to convince a woman to get a c-section if she didn't want one. I didn't think the recovery was bad, but if you didn't want a c-section I think the recovery would be hard. I know this because I didn't want to breastfeed, so everything that was hard about breastfeeding was all the more discouraging. Had I wanted to breastfeed I would have gladly climbed over any mountain to reach my goal.

Which leads to the next part of my story. I like formula. I read every thing I could on breastfeeding. I tried to keep an open mind, and asked several friends for advice. But nothing ever struck me. I told myself I would try it, but as I look back I wish I had mainly used formula, pumped what I could and relaxed more-- this is what I did with my other two children. I know it sounds crazy, but I feel like things with the twins would have been a lot less stressful had I just used formula like I wanted to. These traits of mine have led me to feeling like an oddball in the birthing world.

It wasn't until a friend told me that she would have been my doula at my last c-section birth that I started opening up my mind to the home birthing world. I was completely shocked. I kept my guard up around her, and tried to protect my birth. I tiptoed around conversations afraid she might say something that would call my birth a mistake. But then I realized she wasn't like that at all. She made a place for my birth in her world, and I felt like I could now accept what the home birthing world was preaching.

There were a few more things that lead me down this path. Overall I noticed I seemed to have a more active interest in my pregnancies than some. This is what led me to start thinking about becoming a Certified Nurses Midwife. I felt my feelings were confirmed through thoughts and prayer and I felt strongly I would need these skills. As I started my path towards school I heard about a scholarship application for this Midwifery school. Since I was more warmed up to the idea of home birth, and birthing centers, I thought this could be a path I could take now. And then when I noticed my grades probably weren't going to cut it for nursing school I felt even more directed towards this midwifery school. I'm glad I made this choice. I have met some many amazing women, and the range of women is so diverse. Everyone has a different background and different reason for being there, and I feel all the more like I can be a part of this world.

I've really enjoyed taking this new perspective and using it to study the history of my religion and home state. I never saw it this way before, but midwives were highly respected members of the Mormon Society that settled this state. They were such amazingly strong women that did some amazingly wonderful things for their community. And the best part is that they represent so many things that have come to be of great importance to me. To know that I am taking another step in following in their footsteps is truly amazing to me. And I feel even more certain that this is the right career choice for me.

I really liked this article. I think there are things that may be a little controversial, and I hope it doesn't offend. I truly don't mean to post it in that manner. I just liked the history and the thoughts they had on the subject. I thought it was interesting. Something to consider.

I hope my future career allows me to be there for women in a time when they are vulnerable and in need of support. I hope I can help women to feel safe with whatever birth they choose to have, and I hope I can help them feel, that no matter what happens, they did the best they could for themselves and their baby. I don't want to put anyone on an agenda. I just want to be there when I'm needed to provide comfort and support. And when I start to study midwifery I really feel like that's what it's all about.

I hope you didn't mind the pics of our baby chicks, and duckling. We were excited to find out we are zoned for chickens again, and are so happy to welcome these little guys into our home. Our dog, sadly, killed two of the chicks. My son, one of the twins, brought me one. He was so calm, and understanding. It didn't seem to bother him at all. I put my arm around him and said, "I am so sorry sweetie!" I was pretty upset. But he was OK. We put the chicks up high, and the other twin was trying to see them and knocked them down. That's when the dog got the second one. I felt so bad. I didn't want to make him feel like it was his fault, but I also wanted to explain to him how we should try to avoid letting this happen again. So many emotions. I felt bad my kids had to witness this happen to their chicks-- even though they handled it well. I felt bad that I didn't protect those poor baby chicks from harm. And I felt bad that I didn't do more to keep the dog from being in a position to act on such instincts-- she's such a sweetheart that I hate feeling such anger toward her. To top it all off when we went to get chicks to replace the two we lost one of the twins saw an injured little chick in one of the bins. I pointed it out to the worker that helped us. Poor little guy was lame and could stand up. Ugh! Too many baby chick tragedies! We're really fine. I'm impressed with my kids for handling it so well, and I'm keeping my feelings in reserve just in case my kids need to come to me for some understanding and answers to the whole situation. So that's our baby chick story. I wanted to squeeze it in, and plus they are so cute I wanted to post the pics.