Sometimes I deliberately go late to things because I know my kids attention span won't last even 5-10 minutes more, if we go early.
Oh. . .no. . .wait. . .that's me. Sorry, I forgot.
Okay all kidding aside we do have a tendency to go late to things primarily because the kids won't last. It's sort of a little habit/trick I have come to incorporate.
And, yes, it has a little to do with me too. I have never been good about being early. I don't like to be the first one there. What with the comments about being early and the pressure to start conversations because you're the only one there. Yeah, not for me. And I like to feel more relaxed and just give myself time, and not put myself on some sort of fire drill schedule to get somewhere.
Lately, we have had a harder time then usual with getting to things on time. Especially with getting to church-- not just getting there late, but at all. My kids fight me every Sunday, and I just threw in the towell.
Plus, I just feel a little out of place there sometimes. You'd think with kids it wouldn't make a difference. We are still basically a family, just minus one person. But even so, as a single mom, I'm just living a different life. I guess I didn't think it was all that different, but then I go to church and I feel this gaping void. I think it's just a product of how we have to live. I have to work full time so I can't socialize during the day. My focuses are a little different because I'm having to try and meet new people and date. And I have to try and squeeze housework, homework, dinner, bills, etc into a three hour period every night.
Deep down inside I feel my relationship with my Heavenly Father is good. I don't feel I would loose sight of him if I didn't go to church every Sunday. I would still pray to him, counsel with him and have my own religious experiences. But then I look at my kids. I feel they need this. They need church to give them a foundation. A base to build their faith upon. So I want to make sure they go.
I have devoted my life to doing God's will, but that does not make me the best Mormon out there. There can be some things that bother me. But even so, I believe this church is a good place to find a path to God. Whatever my children end up believing, I believe this church is helpful if you're looking to plant that seed of faith. Plus it is the church I grew up in so I'm probably most comfortable there.
And I also want my kids to have the opportunity to make friends, and get to know kids in our neighborhood. Since they go to daycare that is already a hard thing for them to do. So going to our home ward is definitely a great place to start.
So yes, I've allowed myself to skip out on church for a while. I was just too tired to fight the fight every Sunday. But I want to try and go as often as I can. Thankfully my mom was willing to give me a shot of motivation. She comes and helps me get the kids ready every Sunday, and she sits with them in their classes till they stay on their own.
It makes a huge difference. Just imagine one Mom trying to wrangle four boys into suits. She finally gives up and tells them to wear whatever they want. Then they get to church and each boy decides they don't want to go to class. So this one Mom goes in to sit with them, but ends up being at the bottom of a four boy dog pile in the back of the primary room. I can't go sit at each boys' class individually. And having them all all sit in the back with me does nobody any good.
Hopefully this will help my boys gain more faith and understanding. And hopefully they will feel they fit in better around here. It can be tough to feel like the odd one out, and I feel like they already have enough working against them in that area-- what with a crazy, single Mom who isn't the best at socializing. Hopefully this foundation of Faith will help them find their way.
Life takes us down different paths, but I don't think we should doubt the things that brought us to where we are. Sometimes the things we wish we could go back and change are the things that were essential in helping us become who we are. Hopefully I give my boys exactly what they need to lead them where they need to go in this life.
