Motherhood and Traveling With Boys

I used to be a pro at vacations. I mean it. A real pro. I had all the kinks figured out. I knew what not to forget. I had it down to an art. I love vacations. I love going places and exploring. It's just such a shame that life put such a dramatic halt on those things.

To tell you the truth I can't even remember my last trip. I know I wasn't pregnant with my fourth boy yet. But I really have no idea the last time I had the energy to pack up and take the kids out of town.

But lets face it. Energy wasn't the only things standing in my way. Our tires were a year and half past their expiration date before we finally replaced them last summer. The cars transmission started to slip every now and again, and since that car is almost fuels my life I didn't want to push it too far and loose it for good. The van we bought ended up with a terrible oil leak, so vehicles were out of the question.

There was no way my husband could take time off work. If anything we should have been inventing a way for there to be more time within the space time continuum for him to work and earn money. Every hour of overtime slowly got us a little closer to caught up. But we weren't nearly caught up enough to take time off and fall a little behind.

Since there was no money for time off. There was no money to travel as well. And so ended our little family travels for the time being.

Well finances have freed up a little with. . . um. . .*cough*. . . student loans. And my cleaning business is doing pretty well. And the best part of everything is the purchase of my 2008 Kia Sedona. A van with room for our family and more!

So we took a little trip about an hour out of town last weekend. This has been the closest thing to a vacation we've had in a long time. We stayed in a hotel. We swam in a pool. We visited Thomas at A Day Out With Thomas. And we ate a bunch of junk food. It was so fun!

Unfortunately my lapse in vacations has left me a little on the under prepared side. I forgot formula. I forgot milk for the cereal. I didn't really pack the food well at all. Getting into the hotel room was a mess from all the disorganization from packing. I didn't pack enough clothes for the kids. I brought all the soaps for the shower, but I forgot the loofa-- the most important part. We forgot some other things too. I can't even remember all the things we forgot.

Not to mention staying in a hotel room with kids is kind of rough. I seriously was getting cabin fever just from being in the room, with them, by myself, for 2 hours.

We've added a kid since our last vacation too. This complicated things a little. I didn't have bibs for him. He made a mess of all his clothes and ended up making the trip home in just a diaper.

The kids all threw huge fits at one point or another. Another lovely side effect of trips: No Naps. And I found myself a little irritated here and there.

But even with all the mess. Even with all the chaos. I really had a good time. The boys threw fits, but they were really good too. They shared with each other. They spoke nicely to everyone, and they used their manners at the store. I was so proud of them. One of the twins bought me flowers and carried them all over-- he was so proud of the flowers he bought for mom. After the boys went to sleep I soaked in the big jetted tub-- a must when it comes to hotel rooms :).

We really made some good memories. I enjoyed being able to get out and go out of town with the kids. It's hard work, but it creates great memories. And luckily we at least remembered the camera.

Learning What I'm Made Of

All day at work my minds is buzzing with ideas, my fingers are anxious to type, my heart is overflowing with superb descriptions of emotions and then I get home and suddenly. . .writers block.

I wanted to write about my thoughts on the blog post that has been going around about having babies in opposite world. I wanted to share thoughts about ideas I had about being true to my true self. I wanted to take a minute to talk about a book I just finished called, "Mother Had a Secret". In fact, I want to just sit down and write a 200 page novel. But I started summer block classes this week, been blessed with many cleaning appointments, have tried to start overdue household projects, bought stuff to reclaim my yard from the weeds and have just slowly sunk more and more behind. I have hardly even seen my kids this week, and I am completely exhausted. And yet still my fingers keep calling me back to the key board so, here I am.

Today I had some thoughts about my Grandfather. Many of you probably don't know much about him, but he was some kind of extraordinary. My family always knew my grandfather's extreme capabilities. He has always spent his time doing every physical activity possible, mostly involving things that had to do with being outdoors: cycling, hiking, water skiing, skiing, swimming, camping, back packing, etc. In his 70's he hiked The Narrows at Zions National Park with my parents. In his 80's he joined a group that was cycling all the way from Highland, UT to Cedar City, UT. They even wrote a newspaper article about it. Someone had finally discovered this incredible man that had been amazing our family for years. My Grandfather continued to impress many more people. He rode back with people half his age, and he would often out ride them. It was while riding his bike that he passed away. They named the hill he died on after him. Apparently it was his favorite place to ride.

As the anniversary of his death draws near I couldn't help but think about him. Not that I really need the excuse, I miss him everyday. But there was just something I wanted to write about him, and I thought I'd take a jab at writing here.

My Grandfather had a very strong personality. This strength could often make him a very hard person to be around. Sometimes this strength caused mistakes to be made. Growing up in his home was not easy. But as hard as my Grandpa was he was honest, loyal, would strive to be the best he could be and, I believe, he was a man of his word.

He often followed rules that some would call frivolous. Rules of etiquette and formality. These rules don't seem to mean much to some, but they mean a lot to me. When my grandfather followed these rules it was out of respect for people and their comfort. It used to bother me that I had to wait for him to seat me at dinner. But now I really appreciate that he followed those rules. To him it meant respect. And even if the respect annoyed me, being respected by someone leaves an impression. 

He was always honest. This honesty sometimes made it hard to be around him. But in the end it was the best feature he had. Because no matter how hard he was you always knew where you stood with him. You never had to doubt it. Honesty is hard, but it builds the strongest relationships.

My grandpa was loyal and a man of his word. I think he made a point about keeping promises. Even amongst the mistakes that were made I do believe me grandfather tried hard to keep all promises he made in life.

My grandfather was a lot of things. But mostly I remember the strength. The strength that sometimes made him hard to be around. And that same strength that now makes it hard to be without him.

I didn't realize what a support he was in my life until he died. I didn't know how to face this world without him. His strength gave me strength. I felt safer with him here. He was a true leader. I would have trusted his decisions and followed his commands to the the 'T'. I wouldn't doubt for a second that following him would be the smartest, safest and best thing to do. He gave me so much strength just by being and living. And he left right before the time when I needed him most.

After my grandpa died, after things changed for me, I started to have dreams. Dreams where my grandfather was still dead but we could communicate with him and see him. These dreams would seem so real that I would often wake up and have to deal with the grief of losing my Grandpa all over again. I still am not sure how this world can go on turning without him here.

But the story doesn't end there. My grandfather doesn't have to be gone. He was amazing, loyal, honest, strong, etc. and everything he was is also part of me. I know I'm healthier than I deserve because of his amazing genes. My body is incredibly resilient. I am hyper and obsessive like he was. I have made a point to become honest and make sure I always keep my word. But most importantly, somewhere in there, I know I have his strength. And knowing that who he was makes up part of me helps me to have faith in myself. How can I be scared? How can I worry about whether or not I have what it takes to get through school and raise my kids? I'm Lloyd Guthrie's granddaughter!

My youngest is named after my grandfather. I love naming my kids after people I admire. I feel like it gives them a sense of being. I hope one day my boys will grow up and have a desire to honor those I named them after.

Thank you grandpa for all you did for me. Sorry I didn't realize all that you were to me until it was too late. But thank you for helping me find my strength even now. Till we meet again :)

P.S. If anyone was is interested in following my other adventures in life check out my new blog.
It's supposed to be more just about events in my life not emotions, though they still may show their face :).