The Sound of Silence

I feel I've been quiet lately. OK, so "quiet" for me is probably something no one else would notice. But I really haven't been talking. I usually try to feel every empty space of the day with conversation, but- as of lately- I've just sat in silence staring off in the distance.

Why is this? Well, I feel that I will just ramble to people all my horribly negative thoughts. And, by doing that, I feel I will unnecessarily place a burden on them that they shouldn't have to carry.

Not to mention I'd feel whiny. Everyone struggles, and a lot of people deal with lack of funds right? I should just sit quietly, deal with it and calmly wait to learn the life lesson I'm sure will come with this experience.

But as always I cannot suffer through a rough patch with grace. I have to get down and negative.

I also cannot do it without the help of good friends, but I feel bad constantly ranting to them. When I talk with my husband I feel I add to the load he has to carry. There's my friend down the street, who has listened to me numerous times, so I try not to take too much advantage. I guess there's my mom, but that usually backfires- plus she won't talk to me about marital stress.

I love my husband and my children dearly, I wouldn't change a thing in my life. I just wish it would start to make a little sense.

I know it's all a sob story. People are worse off then I am. I need to stop and think of all the blessings that I have. I don't want to sound ungrateful, and I'm truly not. Deep down I know I have a lot to be thankful for. I just feel strained and need an outlet.

Guilt Trips

It seems no one gets more guilt trips then a mother. People are always waiting to give advice and at times lay on the guilt.

I often get frustrated with the guilt you feel

It's Bound to Happen!

The boys started climbing up stairs, and so it's just inevitable that a fall will happen right?

My big boy fell all the way down the stairs. He of course cried his eyes because he has a tender heart, but otherwise he was fine.

My little boy fell down a few steps, and these were the results:



Luckily this was a few weeks ago, so the scabs are now gone, and we're just hoping that he doesn't get anymore before their birthday.

One or Two? That is the question

Well ladies who have twins, I am pleased to tell you that I can give you an official comparison between carrying one baby as opposed to two.

Yes, that's right, we are expecting our third, and we found out today that it is only our third- not our third and fourth. The Doctor told us this morning that he only found one heartbeat and that it sounded healthy.

Believe it or not we actually planned this pregnancy. That was of course before we knew my husband would be losing his job, I'd have to go back work and we would be without insurance. We are managing to get along though.

Although we have the added stresses we were still happy to find we were pregnant. Sadly my happiness only last until about week 8.

I found I had a little more energy then I did with the twins, but I still had a depression- that seems to be a norm that comes along with my morning sickness. Luckily the depression passed and I now find myself head over heals in love with my boys again, which makes being pregnant much easier.

I wasn't as sick at first. In fact I was still able to run two miles every morning up until 7 weeks. However, unlike with the twins, when I reached 12 weeks I still felt sick and wasted. Of course, that may have to do with the two little bumpkins I have to chase around.

Just in case you couldn't guess, being pregnant with two 12 month old babies in the house is not an easy task. Not even close. I feel bad for all that my husband has to take on, but I am seriously wiped out. Luckily I married a very good man.

I do often find myself wallowing in self pity many a times. "Why do I have to go through having no insurance while being pregnant again?" "Why couldn't it just work out so I could stay home?" "What on earth are we going to do with three kids, and no employment?"

It's a struggle everyday to try and push out the negative and try to put my faith in Heavenly Father.

Even so I'm sure I wouldn't want to trade my trials with anyone, and I'm sure no one is standing in line to trade with me :)

At least I should be able to think of some good posts to spill out with this pregnancy!