The Sound of Silence

I feel I've been quiet lately. OK, so "quiet" for me is probably something no one else would notice. But I really haven't been talking. I usually try to feel every empty space of the day with conversation, but- as of lately- I've just sat in silence staring off in the distance.

Why is this? Well, I feel that I will just ramble to people all my horribly negative thoughts. And, by doing that, I feel I will unnecessarily place a burden on them that they shouldn't have to carry.

Not to mention I'd feel whiny. Everyone struggles, and a lot of people deal with lack of funds right? I should just sit quietly, deal with it and calmly wait to learn the life lesson I'm sure will come with this experience.

But as always I cannot suffer through a rough patch with grace. I have to get down and negative.

I also cannot do it without the help of good friends, but I feel bad constantly ranting to them. When I talk with my husband I feel I add to the load he has to carry. There's my friend down the street, who has listened to me numerous times, so I try not to take too much advantage. I guess there's my mom, but that usually backfires- plus she won't talk to me about marital stress.

I love my husband and my children dearly, I wouldn't change a thing in my life. I just wish it would start to make a little sense.

I know it's all a sob story. People are worse off then I am. I need to stop and think of all the blessings that I have. I don't want to sound ungrateful, and I'm truly not. Deep down I know I have a lot to be thankful for. I just feel strained and need an outlet.