Knowing My Limits

I thought by now I knew my limits. I knew when to call it quits. But when I look around, knowing there's really no way to get relief, it's hard to throw in the towel.

This week has been awful. My husband started clinicals with school, and now has one more absent night of the week. I feel so bad for him. I just can't give him the relief he probably needs. Mostly because we both need relief. He has to wake up early, but always ends up staying up late to help me put the boys to bed, etc. I'm sure he wants to come home and just relax, but he usually comes home to help me rally the troops and get them in line. It's really not fair. Not fair for either of us.



I feel like I've been on my own for this whole week. Though that's only partially true. I've now taken on a new job, luckily the hours are pretty low key, plus I still sub at the school. Even though I only worked two days this week the house is a disaster. And the boys just haven't allowed me to catch up. They all seem to be uncontainable this week, and they keep making uncontainable messes.


I've been yelling in that same voice I used when I was pregnant last summer. I thought it was all because of pregnancy, but now I'm thinking the age between 12 months and 18 months is just plain hard. It sort of feels like limbo. The baby isn't napping like he used too, but still isn't ready for just one nap. He doesn't take bottles like he used to, but still isn't ready to give them up. And the worst part is that getting into the same things over and over is still fun for him.



I thought back to the twins. I thought about how, before they turned 1, everything seemed under control. 6 to 12 months was great. They stayed on schedule really well. The started being able to eat finger foods and hold their own bottles. They were playful and fun, but couldn't get into everything. It was great!

Then came their first birthday, and all was lost. I don't think we really felt back on track until they were able to get down to just one nap a day.

Yes, I've been monster mom. On the verge of feeling like I've totally lost it, and will never find it again. Knowing that I need to calm down, and stop, before I loose control. But unable to find the strength, or patience, to do so.

I hope, for my children's sake, things get better. I've been trying to remember to pray more often. I've kind of lost touch with that lately. And I made a point to have a good family home evening last night. I may have yelled here and there, and got very upset when the twins both pushed their little brother, but I think we still had a good night.

I also found the strength to sit down and do some fun crafts with the boys.




No matter how patient I become I'll always have limits. I guess it's not so bad to learn them. Now, I just need to remember to give myself a time out when I reach them.