My Potty Training Story

A new trend has begun in my house. Suddenly the twins are obsessed with what is covering their nether regions. There's the obsession with the Mickey Diapers. This started when I had to get them excited about their new diapers because we were out of "Marty" diapers-- they had zebras on them, Marty from Madagascar.

At times this would interfere with our plan to only have them wear disposables at night.

The obsession with the Mickey diaper soon transformed into an obsession of the Mickey underwear.
"Go get some underwear."

"It's not underwear, it's my Mickeys!"

Now the obsession has turned to, "I don't want diaper I want underwears!"

Can't say that I'm too disappointed in that. Except that it's only one of the twins that has taken on this obsession. The other one has become more friendly to the potty-- he realized he could get a treat if he sat on it. But one morning I grabbed the wrong twin to commence in potty training and was met with a huge fit. Needless to say, he's freaked out of the toilet so the older twin is the only one who is potty trained. And I think I can finally safely say, "Potty trained!"

I started when I had a week off from work. I gave him a little treat each time he sat on the toilet. Then when he went on the toilet he got to watch 15 minutes of a movie. We started out with him wearing no bottoms at all, and I'd put diapers on him at nap time and bed time. I was impressed. He even pooped in the toilet. Though he would ask, "Where did the poop go?" after I'd flush it.

 After two days we tried just underwear. No pants. Sometimes we'd go out, and he would have to use pants. He would usually do pretty well. Sometimes he wouldn't go while we were out, but he would pee his pants when we got home. That was frustrating! Moving from nothing to wearing underwear led to a couple accidents. I changed it from sitting on the potty every 15 minutes to every 10. We were beginning to be mildly successful. Then a trip to the doctors led to two accidents, very close together, and a little boy running around McDonalds in a diaper and a shirt.

Pants and underwear seemed not to work so well. And the diapers at nap and bed time seemed to lead to him just waiting until then to go. So we nixed the diapers at nap and bed time. Which led to bed wetting a couple times through the night. The nap was OK, however. Now we have him go to the bathroom before bed, put a pull-up on him and we all sleep peacefully through the night. He even woke up dry once.

We had some issues when he would go with Grandma. I told my mom to just take off his pants and underwear, and he would probably go in the toilet. Now he does great when we visit people. Even if I'm not there. 

I have to admit I was at a loss at times.

He'd have accidents and I would feel like a failure.

He would earn his play place trip for going on the potty, and getting all his stickers, and a few seconds after being there he would pee his pants.

He would ask to go potty, I'd rush to the nearest bathroom, he wouldn't go and then 10 minutes later he would ask again. This pattern would repeat several times until I just wanted to scream-- this only happened when we were out. I was used to kids that when you took them to the bathroom they would go, but not my little guy. He went when he was ready.

Sometimes I would get frustrated and say we were staying in the bathroom until he went. This would lead to an emotional outburst, from him and maybe a little me. These, and others, would make me worry that maybe he wasn't ready, and I had traumatized him by starting him too soon.

But all these problems slowly faded away as time went on.

*To help when we are out we carry around a little plastic toilet with us-- which is our number one toilet choice for the little one right now. This sometimes leads to a game of musical toilets.

Our only problem now is the pooping. He suddenly stopped pooping in the toilet, which is pretty normal. I offer him a diaper to poop in and he just says, "No diaper! I want underwears!"

One time I came downstairs and he had pooped his pants. He had then taken wipes and shoved them down his underwear to clean him self up. He did this when he would poop on the toilet too. I came upstairs to find a poop covered toilet, with a boy using a wad of poop covered wipes, desperately trying to clean up the mess.

"I clean up!" He would say.

It was kind of sweet, and a little disgusting :).

We're still working on the pooping thing.

Our potty training venture has led to the use of a lot of charts and stickers. At first we had a chart where he would get a smiley for sitting on the toilet, and a sticker for going potty. When he got 100 smileys he could pick a treat from the bucket. When he got 25 stickers he could go to the playplace. This has started to get confusing, so we changed it to a smiley for going potty and a sticker for a day of no accidents. Same prizes apply-- though we had to change the treat to a "big treat" because the treat bucket has become a small reward for going on the potty.

We waited till one in the morning one night for him to go to the bathroom before bed-- this was before the pull-ups idea. This was an effort to make it through the night without bed wetting. Well, unfortunately, while we were waiting he drank some of my soda, and wet the bed anyway. His refusal to go before nap and bedtime led to us giving him a treat from the bucket if he did. This led to him wanting a treat every time he went. Which led to the question, "Do you want a treat or a movie?"

 I just go with it. I figure, like the other things, it will eventually fade out. 

Last weekend we were shopping at Ikea and he wanted a train set. The train set was cheap, and I felt like I would just get it for him for doing so well on the potty. But we're poor and can't afford to pay bills, so I felt like I shouldn't spend money on something like that. We made a deal, if he could get really good at potty training-- no accidents, no pooping his pants and waking up dry-- he could earn the train. We made another chart with 100 squares. He gets a sticker each time he does one of the things I mentioned. Sadly, I think he forgot about the train.

When I started potty training I thought, "This will be a step towards things getting a little easier."

Wrong! It's almost easier to leave them in diapers. But it will be easier one day.

I also started out saying, "I won't get upset. I won't yell. I want this to be positive. I don't want it to be traumatizing and awful."

Well, that flew out the window fast. Each accident just made me want to cry. It felt like a missed opportunity for him to really get it.

 I've heard a lot of stories about how children can get really messed up if you approach potty training wrong. It made me nervous. I felt like it was a task I could never accomplish. Having done it feels wonderful! I'm so proud of him! And I'm proud of me too! Every time he goes on the toilet I still have to do a little happy dance!

That's my boy! Note the harness. Santa brought the boys these harness' with straps for when we go out. This is because they refuse to sit in the stroller. I can't say it makes things easier, but after almost loosing one of the twins, I have to say it makes things safer.

A Visit With My Feelings

We have been doing a lot as far as rebuilding a relationship goes. We just had two days-- Our Anniversary and Valentine's Day-- focused on relationships-- one more exclusively based on us-- to sit down and think about how we can make the other feel special. Though I found that as these days drew nearer I kind of had a sour out look on things.



When I heard about young engaged couples, anxiously awaiting their wedding day, I felt no excitement. When I thought about our wedding my feelings were mixed. I didn't want to regret it. As I look at my life there's no one I'd rather be with then my husband, but I would ask myself, "Knowing what you know now, would you go back and tell the you in the past to still get married, or not?"

My answer hurt me.

"I don't know! Is there a part of my marriage that was worth all the pain and hardships? Well, there's my kids, but if I never got married, I would never have had them and I would never know there was something to miss."

I know! It's not the most positive train of thought. And it hurt me that I felt that way because I always thought of myself as someone who knew better than that.

Well maybe I did.

There is the me. The real me. The "Deep down this is who I really am even though sometimes I have emotions that disagree with that me" me. And I think for a brief moment the real me gave in and let the hurt me take over.

In counseling we have been talking about many things. We have talked about how people just want to be understood, even if the problem can't be solved, and this can be achieved through reflective listening-- and exercise where you listen to what the other person says and reflect the statement back to them. We have also talked about exploring your feelings and not ignoring them or trying to lock them away. Something I've always been a true believer in-- it's OK if I feel this way, this emotion doesn't have to be who I am so I can be OK with having it. I guess part of me lost sight of truly exploring every aspect of my feelings, or I was too scared to really look at them.

The counselor has given me some interesting steps into how to better explore these feelings. He said to envision your feeling as a person, and ask it questions like: Why do you feel this way, what to you think will happen and, my personal favorite, what are you afraid of. The tricky part when asking the questions is to really focus on whether the true me is answering of feeling part of me. Once I get down to looking at the feeling, and really seeing it's answers to the questions, I can just let it go. In a sense it's still there, but it doesn't have as much control over me as it did before.

As I did this today I realized more and more that I had done this before. That I did know how to really look at my feelings, I just hadn't lately. And being able to recognize the skill, I had already built, was still there made the exploration of my feelings easier.

I noticed once I found out what the feelings fears were I could just easily get past them. I sort of told myself, "Oh that's it? Well I know that this is the truth, so that doesn't have to be a fear."

I came to a realization. Maybe feelings are like people. They don't want to be solved, they just want to be understood. And once the are understood suddenly you don't have to fight them anymore.

So what my high school grammar teacher said was true, "Talking to yourself doesn't mean your crazy. It's a sign of intelligence." And it's also a way to get centered and focused on the true you. The you that is filled with the spirit. The you that knows what truly brings about happiness.



To my husband:

I love you! And there isn't anyone else I would rather be with. Working through all of this together will give us both a better sense of appreciation for what one is willing to do for the other. And that is how true love is built. Happy 4th Anniversary. I can't believe it's only been 4 years! I feel like I've known you my whole life. We've had a crazy life, but crazy is what makes it ours. I love you!

Love,
Me

The Marathon is Over

Ever since I got pregnant with my third I have felt like I've been running a never ending marathon. Completely exhausted and stretched to my limits, I constantly felt, "Will I ever catch a break?"

Life seemed to throw never ending trials our way. There was no stability in life. I lost my temper everyday, which, even though I have a hot temper, is kind of unusual. I can usually keep it cool for at least a month.

The trials we were sent seemed to say that what I felt was normal. That having three kids under three, a husband working and in school and not enough money to cover basic expenses was enough to explain this endless race I was in. But even so I'd sometimes look at things and think, "Should it really feel this exhausting all the time?"

Little did I know what underlying problems existed in my life. Problems that kept happiness from being a part of our everyday life. Well now the problems are found, the marathon is over and hear come the aches and pains.

Everyday my heart weighs heavy with a pain. A pain that only time can heal. I have gotten progressively better, but the pain still exists. I have gotten past the anger, for the most part, but still the pain remains. So tiring is this burden that at times I still wish I could just leave this life and move on to the next. Thoughts that don't come often, but sometimes manage to creep their way in.

As my husband and I work together to build our relationship back up, my faith is slowly restored, my trust begins to return and my hope that I have made the right decision is renewed. Visits with The Bishop, The Stake President and with our counselor have all helped us to take a step towards being healed. Slowly the pain lessens. But it may be something that always exists.

We have been truly blessed in our time of need. Our ward is amazing, and the church has helped us in so many ways. I am just so grateful that I have it in my life.

I have come through a trial I never thought I'd have to bear. It has caused hardship, and heartaches, that I didn't think I was capable of enduring. Once again the Lord has found a way to show me how strong I really am. Sometimes I look at my life and think, "Is this life really mine? Are these really the trials I'm asked to face? Must this be the life I'm asked to live?"

Even so, I think the reward for these trials will be much sweeter than had they not come. They themselves are blessings in disguise that showed me that the life I was living didn't have to be acceptable. And for that I am grateful.