". . .if you switch the perspective, and tell the children's story through their mothers, it changes everything. You see courage. Resilience. The strength of the human spirit."
-Ash from "Secret Daughter" Writen by: Shilpi Somaya Gowda
The other day I posted this quote as my status, but I felt a need to expand on it a little more. So now Facebook status becomes blog post.
This quote is from the book "Secret Daughter". You may have heard me talk about it. I LOVE this book. It really inspired me in a lot of ways. This part of the book came to mind the other day, when I was trying to keep from having a break down, as my mind was on the verge of freaking out from all of life's stresses. This helped to keep me under control.
The part of the book this quote comes from is towards the end. A young girl, trying to write a report on the conditions in India, was trying to find a good angle for her article. When she looked at the horrible conditions that these children were born into she felt so heartbroken. But then she realized the enduring spirits of their mothers. Their mothers who gave and sacrificed what little they had to try and provide as close to a decent life as they could. They all had smiles on their faces as they endured these trials. The hope they had turned the depressing circumstance into one of strength.
These past few days I have just really struggled with all that's on my shoulders. I looked at my children and just felt so desperate. I'm frightened of not getting enough clients with my cleaning business. I'm terrified that I just won't make enough to pay the bills and to take care of them. How could I have done this? How could I have brought 4 lives into this world without knowing how I was going to support them? I can't believe the responsibility I have been entrusted with.The responsibility I put on myself.
I have taken a leap with this cleaning business in hopes that all will work out. And for the most part things are going well. But I still loose clients often, and it scares me. Especially when others don't come to take their place.
I am now going to school, and the scary thing is I cannot fail and I cannot quit. I'm it and I have to do this because there is no back up plan. It scares me to have such a big responsibility entrusted to me. I just don't trust myself to do it, and yet I have to.
Then one of my twins started having nightmares, and said there was a spider in his closet. I know it's only a minor thing, but to him it was huge. I felt so helpless to comfort him. My little boy is terrified and feels unsafe, and yet I feel powerless to save him. When bad things come he has no Batman or Superman to come and save him. He only has me, and I don't know if I'm strong enough for the job.
This week has left me feeling a little helpless. I have tried to have faith, and let my kids know that I believe they have a Heavenly Father that is there for all of us when we need him, but I still felt helpless. Then I remembered this quote.
As I read the words I remembered the strength that I have as a mother. That all these trials are here to help me tell the story of resilience and the strength of the human spirit. That's what make mothers amazing! When the world shouts at me that I am loosing the fight I shout back and say, "Losing isn't an option!" There's no giving up now. I'm all they have, and they are the only one's I will not let down.
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