Being Grateful

On Thanksgiving my ex-husband and I usually split the kids up. He takes two and I take two. Its nice because I still have two little ones to celebrate with, but I do miss the two that go with their Dad.

This year the three old went with his Dad. I love all my kids the same. I really do, but this little guy is my last little glimpse into the innocence of the baby/toddler years and I just try to appreciate it all that I can. Perhaps someday in the future I may have another child, and I'll get to experience this one more time. But in case that doesn't happen I have been trying to just take in all the moments of cuteness I can with him.

A few weeks ago he was sick. His breathing was so bad he sounded like he was breathing through a straw. I listened to his lungs and chest and heard crackling all over. I rubbed him with oils. I hardly slept for two nights because I kept waking up to make sure he was still breathing. I kept watching for signs of labored breathing, trying to make sure they didn't get worse. It took him a long time to get better. He stayed home from daycare for a few days. We were several days into the illness and he was still struggling and he still woke me up throughout the night. By about the fifth night of not getting sleep I just laid in bed and cried. I've given you everything I can. I have done everything I can. I don't know what else I can do.

We got through the week and he still wasn't doing good. I finally took him to the doctor. He had two ear infections. We got antibiotics and steroids for his lungs. Then a friend offered more help by recommending garlic oil and probiotics. He is doing much better now. But I was nervous to send him with his Dad. I know he'll be taken care of I'm just being a Mom I guess.

Yesterday before he left this little guy stayed outside with me and cleaned up all the leaves. It was a little rainy and wet, and I told him he needed to get inside because I didn't want him to get sick again. But he insisted on staying outside till all the leaves were picked up.

He is also the sweetest little helper. He'll sit and clean up a spill till every last drip is wiped up. Even if Mom says, "It's OK. That's good."

His eyes sparkle with sweet happiness and innocence. He smiles at me and laughs and plays. When he does these things it's as though he is saying, "It's OK mom that you yell sometimes and get upset. Even so upset that you sometimes do things like rip up a kite and throw it in the trash. It's OK because I see all that you are, not just the bad things. And I love you!"

I can't believe I have a kid that looks at me like that. I can't believe my other little boy comes up to me when I'm upset, gives me a hug and tries to help me calm down. I can't believe I have kids that ask to pray and read the scriptures, and make good choices. I feel I have done so little to help them throughout life, and I have been at a loss so many times. I can't believe what they have learned and who they are becoming.

I'm grateful for my boys. I'm grateful that they are growing into such fine young men, despite me. I'm grateful for my family. For my Dad who comes over on a Sunday and helps me fix my bed even though he can't even bend his knees. I'm grateful for a Mom who I can share my darkest secrets and thoughts with, and who doesn't judge me. I'm grateful for my wonderful friends, who forgive my busy life and are still there when I need them. I'm grateful for all this and more.

I look at my life and I'm in awe. I don't know how I manage to keep everything together. How I manage to achieve certain things. I know my Heavenly Father is responsible for keeping me afloat. He's responsible for all of this, and I am eternally grateful. Every time I stumble and fall, and think there's no way I can go on, he shows me what path to take. I don't always believe him that it is the right way. But as soon as I start walking I know for sure it is. It's amazing how he blesses us, and how it all works out.

Enjoy your Turkey Day! Hold those who are closest to you close, and appreciate that we get this day to spend together. I think the holidays are truly a beautiful thing. I know that we should carry this spirit with us throughout the whole year, but I love that we have set aside days where we will for sure take the time, out of our busy lives, to sit down to a nice meal, enjoy lovely traditions and appreciate those who share in this crazy life with us.

Happy Thanksgiving!