To Our Santa!

We've always been taught that the spirit of Santa is the most important aspect of the jolly old figure. That is why I've never stopped believing in him. His spirit exists and therefore so does he. It is the spirit of charity, love and giving without want of receiving. The spirit of Christ. The spirit of Christmas.

Our special Santa truly embraced this spirit. He didn't ask for a gift in return, a plate of cookies or even recognition for his good deed. I do not even know who this special Santa is, which is why I'm posting this. I'm hoping that maybe our Santa will come across this post so that he will know how truly grateful we are for his kindness.

So Thank you Santa for the Gift Card! We can't tell you how much we appreciated it. The value of your thoughtfulness and kindness is worth more than the money on that card!

There are a few things I miss about the newborn stage. I miss the tiny preciousness of a newborn babe; the way they would sleep so deep no matter where we were; but most of all I miss the baby cuddles. My boys don't cuddle with me anymore- even when they are upset or getting tired. Now they mostly pull my hair, grab at my teeth or play a pretend drum on my arms.



I wish I had cuddled them more when they were so little and still. That's why last night was so special to me. I woke my little boy up from a nap, sat on the couch and he laid his head on my chest and cuddled. I thought the moment would be over soon, but he stayed there for so long we even got a picture. I was so in love with the moment. I even sat and fed him his bottle while he was cradled in my arms. Something I haven't done since they were 3 months old. It may be months before I get another cuddle in, but I'm still so grateful for that brief moment I had.

Christmas is my favorite time of the year, and I love to sit back and enjoy the season! It's even more wonderful to celebrate Christmas with my boys. It makes this time of year so much more special.

My husband and I have hit some hard times, but we haven't let it get us down. I've handled things better than I ever thought I could. Normally I get upset and down on myself, and I usually get a bad case of the why me-s. I know when I'm like this I'm not that pleasant to be around (it's why I stopped going to girls camp). So this time around when I felt the why me-s coming on I'd push them back and think, "You have to hold it together for your family."

Even though I've done better than usual, I'm still not perfect. I've lost my temper a couple times with my boys, and an assignment from church pushed me over the edge. I had managed to stay under control about my husband's job loss, and about having to go back to work. But the nervous strain I'd have to put myself under each time I had to fulfill my calling was more than I could bare. I just couldn't be positive about things anymore. All my positivity had been used on holding it together after the job loss.

I know how I should act. I know how I should look at things, but sometimes I just want to reserve the right to say. "This Sucks!"

I'll straighten up in a day or two, and I'll usually be a little embarrassed. But while I'm in the moment of wanting to act badly I just want to act badly. I don't want to be lectured on how I should handle things. I just want to be told I have a right to be upset. And when people don't give me that right the anger knot in my stomach just grows and grows.

I have come to terms with things, and I have shaped up my attitude for the most part, but for one good day or two I just wanted to be angry and upset.

I know this isn't really a mommy-ing story, but it does apply. I've been trapped by my emotions as a mother, including when I was pregnant, and it's hard to find a proper outlet for those emotions. I know that this is basically what this blog is about, but I just wanted a little refresher post to remind myself that it's OK to say "This Sucks!" As long as that attitude doesn't define me.

Button Masher!

Even though we made a break through with the baby signs, the practice is not yet perfected. And as I sat in my family room, working on Christmas cards, listening to my big boy once again make that awful whining sound, I had an epiphany

http://www.fisher-price.com/fp.aspx?st=10&e=gamesLanding&mcat=game_infant,game_toddler,game_preschool

It has infant games that only require you to touch the keys on the keyboard to make things happen. Their are also computer programs out there too that do the same thing.

So once I had finished with my Christmas card project I took my boy to the computer and we played a peek-a-boo game. He love it! He kept opening random stuff, and eventually closed the program all together, but it still made him happy for that small amount of time he got to play.

Sign Baby Sign!

I finally started to really work on teaching my boys baby signs. My little boy picked it up first. We were working on "Want". And after hours of, "Don't scream say 'want'*make hand motion*" I look down and my son is making his own variation of the sign "want". I can't even explain my joy! It was the best thing in the world to see him use his new form of communication.



My big boy prefers to use this nasally, whiny, barnyard type noise to try and communicate. We can't figure out what the noise means because he makes it all the time- happy, sad, hungry, mad, before naps, after naps, you name it. Well we've been working really hard on getting him to use another form of communication because mommy and baby cannot be in the same room as long as that noise is being made. Finally, tonight, we made a breakthrough. He finally uses his own form of "more". The trick was showing him that clapping his hands works just as well. He caught on really quickly, and started using the sign like crazy. I was so very happy with his accomplishment! And my big boy seems so much happier now that he has an effective form of communication.

You Better Watch Out!

Gone are the days of the boys just sitting and playing with their toys all morning.



They want to move so bad, and they are trying really hard to do it. They turn their bodies and sit mermaid style, then they try to move and usually end up falling on their tummy. When that happens they usually cry because they have never liked being on their tummies. If mom doesn't answer their call they scoot themselves backwards all over the room. My big boy has backed himself into the crib and the bouncy seat so far. Sadly this is just the beginning of the joys of crawling and walking.

Time to get a play yard.



I took this photo this morning. My little boy fell on his tummy and his brother got a hold of his feet and was playing with them. I then noticed my little boy had a binkie in his mouth and one in his hand. This was the second time this morning he had stolen his brothers binkie. I went back a few minutes later and my little boy had kicked his brother over. Gotta love the sibling rivalry!

It's a Wonderful Life!

This blog has sort of become a place for me to vent about the everyday frustrations of being a mom of twins. But I've recently learned that venting can sometimes lead people to think that life with my two little boys is anything but wonderful. Even though it can get extremely hard and tiresome I have never been happier!

Life with the boys hasn't always been easy.

The first 2-3 months were alright. I think I was just so happy that I wasn't pregnant anymore I didn't mind getting up for feedings. Plus the newborn stage ended up being better than I had originally planned, so that made things a little easier to take :)

3-6 months was probably the hardest time for me. The boys had to be on a strict schedule in order for things to go smoothly. If they got off even a little there was hell to pay! It took a lot of work, patience and crying to get them on a schedule, but I was grateful that I did. Of course, it left me kind of tied down. I had about an hour leeway for each feeding and nap. If I waited over an hour I usually wanted to rip my hair out when I tried to put them down for bed that night.

Then we reached 6 months to present, and life is WONDERFUL! I slowly learned that their schedule doesn't have to be so exact. We still get naps in at about the same time, but their feedings can be a little more stretched out.

Feedings have also become a lot easier. They learned to hold their own bottles which has just been a delight. And we recently started them on finger foods. Now when they get grumpy I can give them a cracker or a banana to munch on. They love these rice crackers called Baby Mum-Mum's! And they also love Gogurts! Pretty much feedings are a breeze.



I love everyday I get to spend with these boys. I can't seem to soak up all the specialness each day holds.

Of course, there are still those days where I just can't seem to handle the crying and the whining- it's not even like it wears on me all day until I can't take it anymore I usually start out just being upset and I don't know why- But we always get through it, and the next day I'm usually back to loving those boys to death.

Being a mom is the job I've always wanted. I just didn't always know it. I've worked with special needs people for a good majority of my working life. The work was hard(almost as hard as being a mom), but I really love it. Of course, when working with special needs people you usually find yourself reaching an overwhelming "I can't handle this" moment quite often. And when those moments came, for me, I would be filled with regret. I would always think "Why am I here? Why did I say I'd take this shift? I don't want to be here!" But when I reach that overwhelming moment as a mother the thoughts of regret are nowhere to be found. Being a mom is everything I've always loved to do and then some. Yes, it's hard, but the good times are so worth working through the hard times.