Christmas is my favorite time of the year, and I love to sit back and enjoy the season! It's even more wonderful to celebrate Christmas with my boys. It makes this time of year so much more special.

My husband and I have hit some hard times, but we haven't let it get us down. I've handled things better than I ever thought I could. Normally I get upset and down on myself, and I usually get a bad case of the why me-s. I know when I'm like this I'm not that pleasant to be around (it's why I stopped going to girls camp). So this time around when I felt the why me-s coming on I'd push them back and think, "You have to hold it together for your family."

Even though I've done better than usual, I'm still not perfect. I've lost my temper a couple times with my boys, and an assignment from church pushed me over the edge. I had managed to stay under control about my husband's job loss, and about having to go back to work. But the nervous strain I'd have to put myself under each time I had to fulfill my calling was more than I could bare. I just couldn't be positive about things anymore. All my positivity had been used on holding it together after the job loss.

I know how I should act. I know how I should look at things, but sometimes I just want to reserve the right to say. "This Sucks!"

I'll straighten up in a day or two, and I'll usually be a little embarrassed. But while I'm in the moment of wanting to act badly I just want to act badly. I don't want to be lectured on how I should handle things. I just want to be told I have a right to be upset. And when people don't give me that right the anger knot in my stomach just grows and grows.

I have come to terms with things, and I have shaped up my attitude for the most part, but for one good day or two I just wanted to be angry and upset.

I know this isn't really a mommy-ing story, but it does apply. I've been trapped by my emotions as a mother, including when I was pregnant, and it's hard to find a proper outlet for those emotions. I know that this is basically what this blog is about, but I just wanted a little refresher post to remind myself that it's OK to say "This Sucks!" As long as that attitude doesn't define me.