This Is Me!

This is me. A silly, little, Mormon, girl, who writes a cheesy post about one of her favorite country songs. OK, not just favorite country song, but one of my all time favorite songs. One thing that really strikes me is the lyrics. They are so well written. And the way the music makes you just want to get up and do something. . .well it doesn't get any better than that. At least not for me.

Truth be told I really feel I can relate to this song. Who throws themselves into a fire more than me? OK I'm sure I have some competition out there, but you have to admit I seem pretty glutton for punishment at times.

Take my husband and I for example: We had a short dating period, got married in a winter month, are both the youngest in our families and we are the parents of multiples. All of these are usually factors that lead to a higher divorce rate. I guess we just like to beat the odds!

I got pregnant just nine months after having twins. Why? I guess twins just weren't enough of a challenge. As I raise my boys I realize how much I took advantage of with the twins. They were so easy going in so many ways, and, silly me, I just thought that's how babies were. I learned a lot from my youngest child, like not to judge other mothers too harshly and to not judge myself too harshly either. It's amazing how he humbled me and taught me that my mothering skills were still worth something all at the same time.

I don't know why I do the things I do. All my life I've wanted to be strong. I guess I keep throwing myself into the fire to try and prove to myself that I am. For years I felt so weak. People told me my traits were signs of low self esteem and lack of confidence. I never got asked out on a date in high school because I lacked confidence and guys respond to confidence. Me being shy means I have low self esteem and, that I once again, lack in the confidence area. I don't know if I necessarily believe that this is true, but in my search for answers, and approval, they are some of the things that came up.

I personally feel a need to overcome many of my shortcomings. One thing that I really strive to do is to be a woman of my word. I heard that phrase and fell in love with it. I wanted people to use that when they described me. I try hard to make an honest effort to do the things I promise I'll do. I try hard not to say things that are not true. When I compliment I don't lie. Being a "Woman of my word" is a goal that has helped me to achieve a lot. It has even helped me overcome, partially, my fear of confrontation. Have I succeeded? Not entirely. But I still try everyday.

I don't know if I'm strong, a woman of my word, confident or have high self esteem. But I know that I'm a person that generally cares for the well being of her family and others. I like to help whenever I can. And if I offer to help I guarantee I mean it. At times I may get prideful and boastful. It's not what I really mean to do, it's probably more just lack of practice, lack of knowing a better way to phrase things or not thinking how something may sound. Most the time I strive to connect. Make people feel validated. Let people know I can relate. If in fact I can.

Maybe I don't throw myself into the fire so much to prove my strength, but to prove it can be done. To gain a better understanding of trials, so that I may better help others. There's no doubt that my actions aren't completely selfless. But in the end I don't want to just be strong, I want to be strong with a story to tell. A story and a better understanding.