Fighting the Stress Monster

I wish I was good under pressure and handled stress well, but I'm not. I think a big problem is that I'm incredibly driven by my emotions. I have a very hot temper. I tend to throw and kick things when I get really mad. And I yell. I yell a lot. But I try to recognize the fact that this is something I need to get under control. I really want to get it under control before my kids start getting old enough to remember. One of them has already started to recognize the warning signs of Monster Mom.

While growing up, and trying to control many emotions, I learned something important. You can't take control when you're in the middle of it all. The control has to come from the beginning. For example: If you want to avoid smoking and drinking you don't go and hang out at bars every night. Instead you would avoid the situation entirely, if you could.

So to fight off my stress monsters I need to recognize what will set me off. I've been trying to practice this. When I feel something that starts to dig under my skin, and I start to react, I just tell myself, "Stop! Don't go there!"

At times I even try to visualize pushing something out from under my nerves.

Another way I avoid stress is right here in this blog. I use my blogs, and facebook, as outlets to the outside world. Sometimes all I need is a little communication. It's funny how a comment on the blog, or a notification on facebook, can totally make my day. It can turn me from the over frazzled mom, who yells all day long, and can't seem to get anything done, into a happy mom, that sings fun little songs, and takes some time to tickle her kids and make them laugh.

I've also tried just calling some people, like my mom or husband, just to talk. It kind of helps, but it's not the best.

A not so good one is my Soda Pop. This is probably proof of how addicted I am, but when I'm feeling a little worn I pull out a pop and tell myself, "This is your break!" Take a drink, and a deep breath, and I feel slightly rejuvenated.

There are times I just can't let things go. Like repetitiveness really sets me off. Like the when I let out a frustrated moan when I hit my head in the kids playroom, for the hundredth time, while I was crawling in there to turn of the light. Pain is another one that sets me off. I then think about how I'm the only one that turns it off. And how I'm the only one that cleans up that stupid playroom. I even got so sick of it I took the light bulb out and none of the kids played in there for months. Luckily the twins are now old enough to crawl in and turn it off themselves when I ask them to.



Initial shock of a situation can set me off too! Like when I was at the McDonalds and one of the twins flushed a diaper cover down the toilet-- the more expensive part of the cloth diaper. It was a pocket diaper, so I pulled out the pad inside, set the cover on the toilet to be rinsed, put the pad in the wet bag, heard a flush, turned around and the diaper cover was gone. I didn't even know what to think. The whole thing must have freaked out my little boy because he started crying before I started yelling. Yes, right in the middle of a public restroom, I repeatedly yelled, "Don't ever do that again! Don't play with the toilets! Do you understand what you just did!" Luckily it was one of the cheaper diapers, but it was still a frustrating situation.

One that has really been digging at me lately is whining. Oh, how my children whine. And it drives me insane. Sometimes they whine about 5 things at once, "I want a drink, I want a cracker, I want to go on a walk." Then the rest will be gibberish that I'm yet to understand. So I try to solve a problem. Give them a cracker or a drink. They fold their arms and say, "No!" Apparently the gibberish, that I cannot understand, is what they are really after. So I just send them into the room to watch Thomas, or tell them to go outside. On my better days I can calmly say, "Say Please, and don't whine. Tell me what it is you want." On my bad days, in a not so calm fashion, I say "Stop whining! Oh my gosh you drive me CRAZY!" Sometimes the the good days and the bad days are the same day.



Even though I'm still working on having patience, and being calm under pressure, one other thing I try to practice is saying, "Sorry". I know I can't take back what I did or said. But it's really important to me to recognize that I have done something wrong, and then let my children know I shouldn't have done that and I am sorry. I don't want them to think everything is their fault. Sometimes it can be really hard for me to go and apologize. Even though I know I'm at fault, I'll still try and try to make it someone else wrong doing. But it's really important to me to do this, so I swallow my pride and go in and apologize. Of course, I always try to make sure I'm sincere. Because an insincere apology is almost as bad as no apology.

So one last thing on this post of mine. One more stress buster were using around here is this lovely calender.



I'll explain it in a minute, but first I want to explain where the idea stemmed from.

I wanted to create this for a long time now. A way to better organize my thoughts and get things done. But the pressure to get it done really came about over the summer. Our marriage went through a lot of stress. I felts so worn thin-- if anyone is a nerd, like me, that line from The Lord of the Rings about too little butter being spread over too much bread perfectly describes it. Things got so bad that I was worried I would never be able to get past it. I was worried I would hold it against my husband until he finally left. I knew that was wrong of me. I knew I needed to forgive him, but I just felt so wronged. Well believe it or not this calender set up has helped us move past some of those issues. One of the problems was that my husband had too much on his plate. He wasn't asking for help, but he was forgetting to do a lot of very important things. Which is why this calender really works well for us.

So I printed out little pictures for the chores I need to get done each week, month, etc. And we put them up as needed. I then printed out a picture for a Project Day. We'll have it once a month. And on that day we will pull a note card, out of an envelope, that will have a project written on it and get it done. There is also a project day specifically for my husband. I don't know if it will be once a week or once a month. Probably once a week for now because there is a lot of catching up to do. It's just like Project Day only this time it's things that my husband needs to get done. Last but not least, at the top is a picture for deep cleaning. Every month we'll pick a different room from the Deep Cleaning Envelope and spend the month deep
cleaning that room.

I also gave my husband a note pad that has all the days of the week on it. That way he can write down one thing each day that he needs to do.

I know it sounds like I'm picking on him, but I promise I'm doing my fair share too. Plus if he needs help, I'm always here.

These other calenders are for writing down events that are happening, and one is for m husband's work schedule because it's all sorts of crazy.



This calender has really helped cut down stress. In fact we've had so much free time lately, and nothing overwhelming or procrastinated to fill it's void, that we don't know what to do with ourselves. I should also note that it has only been a couple of days, so we'll see if it stands the test of time.

Good luck with your Stress Monsters! Whatever they may be!