As my husband and I drove up to Ikea for, what we've come to call our "Ikea Dates", I played him one of my favorite Broadway Show tunes Soundtrack: "Oklahoma!" I thoroughly enjoyed listening to Hugh Jackman sing about the Oh so beautiful morning. And I'll admit some of the songs had me envisioning some fun Hoedown choreography in my head. But my favorite part was hearing this line:
"I don't say I'm no better than anybody else, But I'll be damned if I ain't jist as good!" --Eller, Rodgers and Hammerstein's "Oklahoma!"
I just thought that was perfect! Sometimes I get down on myself because I feel I'm too annoying, maybe a bit too preachy, maybe to quick to spill unwanted advice, etc. But then I think, "I may do some annoying and irritating things, but so does everybody else, and if I can forgive them well they can forgive me!"
As a mother especially I feel inadequate at times. Heck, the whole month of August I coasted by. I didn't really take time to enjoy with my kids. I mostly yelled at them. My patience was so lost I couldn't even tone it down when I was outside for all to hear. There were many stressors associated with this month. One of them being my baby boy's first birthday.
I like to have a huge party for their first birthday and his was no exception. We threw a fun Cowboy party that I have been planning since he was born. Of course, all that planning didn't help much when a shed in our backyard didn't get moved until the day of the party. This left me a little frazzled, still trying to set up at 6:00-- when the guests arrived-- and having a short temper with my husband. Luckily my aunt and uncle showed up early, in hopes of going to the local art museum which was closed, and helped as set up a lot. All the guests were calm and patient. And I calmed down once we finally got the food all set out.
The sad thing is, after all was said and done, I was looking forward to finally having my patience restored. Finally, I wouldn't have to obsess over every little mess being made. Finally that shed wouldn't be digging into my nerves. Instead, I got some sort of stomach bug and spent the next day ill. I barely paid attention to my kids, and only lifted a finger to put them down for a nap.
I don't think I'll be getting any gold stars for motherhood this month. But my head is still in the game, and I'm still doing the best that I can. Sometimes I wish I could handle things in a much calmer and sweeter way, like so many other mothers I see. Sometimes I feel I let my kids get away with too much and don't try hard enough to teach them. Other times I worry about what psychological problems I may be causing them, and if these will later cause their wives incredible grief. And on my good days I just try to enjoy my sweet little princes, do my best to teach them to be gentlemen and protectors and try to look for the skills I've been given that will allow me to raise these boys to be good husbands and fathers.
I'm not the best that's for sure! But hopefully I fall somewhere around being ". . .jist as good."
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