Call Me Vain

This post may seem a little vain, but I'm striving for some motivation. I was looking at some pictures of myself before I had children and boy was it an eye opener. So here I am displaying my vanity.

This is my husband and I while we were still dating.



Engagement



This is our lovely wedding day.



Us on our honeymoon.



The short period of marriage we had before kids.




Here we are the fall after we got married. I'm at the beginning of pregnancy with the twins.



I looked so much better in photos back then. Why didn't I appreciate that more?

Nowadays for me to feel good about a photo I have to spend an hour or two on hair and makeup, and even then I feel like it's slim pickings.

Me in this years Halloween costume



I understand that being a mother means your body takes on a whole different kind of beauty and I can appreciate that. I'm not saying I want to wear a bikini by next summer I just want to feel better about myself. I realize that stability in my self image shouldn't be tide up into my weight, but in someways it is.

When I look in the mirror I don't really look. I mostly just check to make sure there isn't a spot on my shirt or food in my teeth. I make sure my outfit looks good and that I don't have any embarrassing wardrobe mishaps, but I don't really look at myself because I don't want to feel the disappointment. That little bit of disappointment that I feel when I realize I'm not the young cute skinny thing I was. Yes beauty may take a different form, but it's still a little hard to accept myself as I am right now.

It's not all about looks either. It's about the health issue. I love the fast paced life me and my husband live, but I can feel it taking it's toll. I can see the tiredness in my eyes, and I can feel the aches in my body.

I'm sure we've all heard the story about how on an airplane the adult first puts on their breathing mask and then assists the child, and we're told to relate this to parenting. We see all the mothers on makeover shows that have neglected to care for themselves because they've been taking care of their family's needs first. We all know that sometimes mother's need to step back and say, "What about me?" It can't become a totally self involved thing, but every once in a while we need to take care of ourselves so we can continue to take care of our families.

So I'm taking care of me. I'm going to loose the weight this time. I'm going to be happy with how I look and feel. I want to see the woman my husband see's when I look in the mirror, so I'm going to diet and exercise.

So bare with me, as I share my journey on this blog. I've been dieting for almost 2 weeks. And it's been excruciatingly hard. I know food shouldn't be my stress release, but it is. I've been really trying to not cheat on my diet when the going gets tough. So far I've lost about 7 pounds, and I am about to where I was before baby 3. The real struggle, however, will be to get to where I was before the twins. I'm 20 pounds from that goal.

My favorite diet plan was weight watchers. Since I lack the money to join I sort of follow my own little system. A great snack to have are my made up burritos. You get two tortillas, black beans, sour cream, salsa, cheese and a lot of lettuce. I find it totally delicious, very filling and it doesn't take up a lot of points- referring to the weight watchers system.

So it may be vain, I may have poor self image and perhaps I shouldn't care because my husband can still look at me and call me beautiful, but I can't help it. I need to do this for me and, in the long run, for my family. Because we all know "If mom ain't happy ain't nobody happy!"