Merry Christmas!

I personally find it fascinating that I hold something in common with a woman such as Mary. Even if it is simply because we are both mother's, who have experienced pregnancy and the joys of bringing a child into the world. Though it is something common among women, I feel a sort of closeness to Mary that I did not feel before.

How this woman rode across the desert, on a donkey, while possibly in third trimester is beyond me. She was blessed with more grace then I shall ever have. I truly and deeply thank her for her sacrifices. What strength that woman must have had. I cannot imagine the heart aches she had to endure.

To Mother's everywhere, Merry Christmas. Children are the greatest gift. They make this time of year all that it is. After all one child, in particular, is the reason for the season.

Here's hoping all of you have a very Merry Christmas!

Saul of Tarsus

Every Sunday night we watch a Living Scriptures video with our kids. We can't afford the DVD's, so we record it off of a religious channel. This means most of them are from the New Testament.

Well last week's was Saul of Tarsus. We had just talked about Saul in Sunday School, and watching the video further reminded me of how much I love this story.

Perhaps it is because I have such a deep admiration for people who are capable of having such strong convictions. Maybe there were times Saul doubted. Perhaps he fell into despair and wondered if he really was doing to the right thing. That may be a part of the story we'll never hear. But, what we do know, is he faced so much opposition and yet he stayed true to the end. He had such perfect faith that, even when meeting his final parting from this world, he went without fear. For he knew he had served The Lord faithfully. What could be more amazing than that?

Or perhaps I just enjoy the awesomeness of the story. Being stunned by an angel, and converted to follow a completely different path, then the one you had chosen, is pretty amazing in my eyes.

But I think what I enjoy most about this story is that it is a story of redemption. That a man, who had committed some truly heinous sins, was forgiven and was allowed to right some of his wrongs. It really is a powerful message. That the power of forgiveness is so real and amazing, at times, I don't think we can comprehend it.

I truly admire Saul. He gives me hope in so many ways. He shows what can be accomplished when one has real faith. And he helps me to see that a person like me can be forgiven for my shortcomings and could even go on to do some pretty amazing things.

Sometimes I get angry with God. Sometimes I throw my fists in the air and ask, "What am I doing wrong?"

At times I become so bitter. I know I should pray for guidance and help. I know I should open my heart, and mind, and search for the things the Lord has blessed me with. That I should allow him to guide me, and I should continue to do what is right. But my faith gets so shaken. I no longer want to do what I know will help. I just want to be angry.

But, through examples like Saul, I am taught two very important things: that the most bitter, and angry, of hearts can be changed and forgiven; and that pure and unshaken faith can be practiced in even the most dire of circumstances.

So many are asked to go through so much, and yet many stay steadfast and strong. Well, than I too can keep my faith too. What has been asked of me suddenly doesn't seem so hard anymore.

Of course, being a huge lover of music, what captured me most, from the video, was the song. Which is why I posted the video here. Perhaps I'm a bit cheesy, but I've always really enjoyed the music on The Living Scriptures movies. This song really struck a chord with me. I'm a sucker for good lyrics, and I just thought these lyrics were written so well. I looked it up on you tube, and have been listening to it all night. After taking a shower, I couldn't stand it any longer. I had to share it. I hope somebody out there enjoys it as much as I do.

Always Learning! Always Growing!

I should be cleaning the house right now, but instead I'm down here, on my computer writing a post. Even though my house is a disaster, and every second spent in it stresses me out, I feel taking a minute to do something for myself, that will help me relax, is the best thing I can do right now.

Today my baby boy is 15 months old. As he grows nearer to the age of 18 months I think to myself, "Maybe I should start asking more of him? How old were the twins when I taught them baby signs? How old were they when I made them pick up their messes?"

I think the twins were around 15 months or so when I started asking them to do more things. But, of course, every baby is different. Like I don't know if my youngest will do baby signs. Which is OK. It worked well with the twins, but he may just prefer to talk, since that's what his older brothers do.

Anyway. . .after facing a stressful week of rearranging the house to put up Christmas stuff, trying to get laundry done with a dryer that takes 5 hours to dry a load-- if I stay on top of it-- and trying to get the house dusted and mopped, as those are this weeks chores. I worked two days this week-- which shouldn't be too much to ask, but has really effected my abilities to get things done--, and now they've asked me to come in tomorrow too. Even though 10:00 AM is our wake up time around here, I find myself exhausted and just wanting to lay down all day long, which usually finds me in bed until 11:00 AM or so. Kind of pathetic, I know. But I do stay up late, getting things done.

On top of that, we now enter the holiday season. We have work parties and church meeting to get to. I love, love, love it! But it does also make getting things done around here a little bit harder.

Well, this morning I put the kids in their chairs for breakfast. I gave the twins a bowl of cereal, and the baby a banana. I also gave the baby some cereal to snack on. One of the twins kept saying, "Baby put on the floor!" Meaning the baby was throwing food on the floor. And so begins the tattling. I told the baby 3 times to stop, but still the cereal spilled all over the floor.

I don't know why, but it really got to me today. I've had patience with the endless mess I clean up with this child. The fact that I can't get anything under control whenever he's awake. He makes messes ten times faster then I can clean them up. And all existing messes get lost in the wake. However, patience was now lost. I was feeling really stressed about the house at this point. Very unmotivated, and lacking the help I'd need to get this all cleaned up.

I decided it was time to try and teach him to pick up his mess. Well, that's when I lost it.

The third baby has been a struggle for me, and that's probably no secret. For months I felt like I was the wrong mother for him. That he shouldn't have been sent to me because I just didn't think I could care for him the way I should. My friend blamed it on the fact that I had him c-section, and that I bottle fed-- which, by the way, did not make me very happy. I had the twins by c-section too, and they were bottle fed as well, and I never once regretted having them. But there have been numerous times where I thought, "I shouldn't have had this baby. Everyone was right!"

Why that is? I don't really know. His birth was kind of harsh because his cry sounded so angry. Our personalities seem to clash. Plus, I think it was hard to have a 9 month pregnancy and get two babies out of it, and then be pregnant for the same amount of time to only have one baby. I was exhausted at the end of my pregnancy with baby number three, and part of me felt like pregnancy wasn't worth it.

When the twins arrived I thought, "If I had known all that work was for you I wouldn't have minded."

When baby number three came I thought, "I am just so tired, I don't think I can do this again."



Baby number three is also surrounded by several other stresses. Ever since he came all has fallen apart, and can't be rebuilt-- much like my house when he is awake. I don't mean that to sound like I'm blaming him, it's just the facts. After we got pregnant with him my husband lost his job, I had to return to work, we fell into financial turmoil, we've been on and off food stamps, we've been on and off medicaid, nothing has been steady, we owe everyone money and my household projects have been in a permanent unfinished state. The only thing not permanent about our house projects is how we manage to add even more unfinished projects to the list.

I don't think I love baby number three less than the twins. I just think it's been really hard for the last two years-- that's when I got pregnant with him-- and that has just made it hard to really to enjoy him.

So, I lost it. I yelled and screamed. I said some awful things. I made him cry. I put him in time out, just to get him away from his monster mom. When I opened the door to check on him, his tears almost made me cry. I wanted to hold him, and tell him I was sorry. But I felt, before I did that, he should do as I asked and clean up the mess he made. So I guided his hand and his body completely. We picked up cereal and threw it in the trash. I told him he had to do it, and that I knew he was capable. His brothers got down to help, and I just watched. Then, something amazing happened! He picked up some cereal and put it in the trash. Then he picked up some more. He even picked up two at a time-- that's something that took his brothers a while to grasp. And I just felt wonderful! It felt wrong to feel this wonderful, after I had been so awful. I felt like I didn't deserve it. But I was just so happy with what he had learned. And you know what? He was happy too. He wasn't sulking, or feeling sorry for himself-- which are some of the things he usually does. No, he was happy too!

I knelt down to give him a hug, but he has too busy cleaning up cereal. I finally got him to come over and give me a hug. I told him how sorry I was, and I kissed his head. The funny thing is, with how happy he was, I felt completely forgiven.

I was worried that I may never get past my negative emotions towards the way life has been since we found out we were having our third. But when I calmed down a little, and we made progress on the making of messes, I realized I do love this little boy more than anything. And that things will get better. Our relationship having a few bumps along the way will only mean that it will be more rewarding in the end.

My new boss sent me a card, thanking my for all I sacrifice to come to work. A gesture that was very much appreciated by me! Along with that he also sent this quote, which I found to be truly inspiring.

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; Forgive them anyway

If you are kind, people may accuse you of having selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, others may be jealous; Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do it anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in final analysis, it is between you and God; It never was between you and them. . .anyway.

~Mother Teresa

I want to be an honest person. I know discretion must still be practiced. Things don't always need to be said and some people just don't need to know everything. But I still like to know that I have been as honest as I can be. Even when it comes to small things like telling people how I'm doing or saying, "We should get together sometime."

Some may say this is not a world where honesty can reign free. That, in this world, being honest will cost you. You never know who you can trust, and you never know what conclusions people will draw.

I still feel that being honest is the best way to be. I don't want to hide things, or act ashamed. My husband may be the only person that I truly tell every single thing too, but I still feel it is important that I not hide it away, hoping no one will ever see.

Emotions, frustrations, actions are all human. We have all felt them. And having the courage to say, "Yes I did feel that way," I don't think is a bad thing.

I have gotten mostly good reactions from just being honest with people. And I feel better myself as well. I give thanks to Mother Teresa for her words that give me courage to continue being honest in a world that says I can't.

Knowing My Limits

I thought by now I knew my limits. I knew when to call it quits. But when I look around, knowing there's really no way to get relief, it's hard to throw in the towel.

This week has been awful. My husband started clinicals with school, and now has one more absent night of the week. I feel so bad for him. I just can't give him the relief he probably needs. Mostly because we both need relief. He has to wake up early, but always ends up staying up late to help me put the boys to bed, etc. I'm sure he wants to come home and just relax, but he usually comes home to help me rally the troops and get them in line. It's really not fair. Not fair for either of us.



I feel like I've been on my own for this whole week. Though that's only partially true. I've now taken on a new job, luckily the hours are pretty low key, plus I still sub at the school. Even though I only worked two days this week the house is a disaster. And the boys just haven't allowed me to catch up. They all seem to be uncontainable this week, and they keep making uncontainable messes.


I've been yelling in that same voice I used when I was pregnant last summer. I thought it was all because of pregnancy, but now I'm thinking the age between 12 months and 18 months is just plain hard. It sort of feels like limbo. The baby isn't napping like he used too, but still isn't ready for just one nap. He doesn't take bottles like he used to, but still isn't ready to give them up. And the worst part is that getting into the same things over and over is still fun for him.



I thought back to the twins. I thought about how, before they turned 1, everything seemed under control. 6 to 12 months was great. They stayed on schedule really well. The started being able to eat finger foods and hold their own bottles. They were playful and fun, but couldn't get into everything. It was great!

Then came their first birthday, and all was lost. I don't think we really felt back on track until they were able to get down to just one nap a day.

Yes, I've been monster mom. On the verge of feeling like I've totally lost it, and will never find it again. Knowing that I need to calm down, and stop, before I loose control. But unable to find the strength, or patience, to do so.

I hope, for my children's sake, things get better. I've been trying to remember to pray more often. I've kind of lost touch with that lately. And I made a point to have a good family home evening last night. I may have yelled here and there, and got very upset when the twins both pushed their little brother, but I think we still had a good night.

I also found the strength to sit down and do some fun crafts with the boys.




No matter how patient I become I'll always have limits. I guess it's not so bad to learn them. Now, I just need to remember to give myself a time out when I reach them.

Where the Wild Things Are

I don't know if it's monsters or spooks. But this Halloween has found us surrounded by some scary behavior.

I was in a show once where the director gave us this direction, "I want you to look scared like 'I just peed a little' scared."

For some reason or another, my whole household has been scared like that. Perhaps it was the mistake of seeing if the twins would like the movie The Witches-- one of them ran out of the room crying.

Seriously though, the baby peed through his diaper during his morning nap. I had to throw his bedsheets in the washer. But first I had to remove the clothes that cat mistook for her litter box.

One of the twins peed through his clothes on a way home from an outing. Then I got out of the shower to find that the cat had peed in my bra. I held it together up until then, but at that point I wanted to cry.

The whole family had the pee scared out of them, but their doings have been far more scarier for me.

Meet my three little monsters.



At least that's what they have been as of late. Not just to me, but to each other. The twins have learned to get along really well, but they have been fighting more. And their little brother just doesn't stand a chance. He's gotten beaten with a wooden spoon, and had his head pushed repeatedly into a door, by his brothers. I discipline where I can, and cross my finger in hopes it will get better as they get older.

My first little monster is the youngest. He gets his heart broken every time he crashes. Sometimes I can't blame him because he has tripped and fallen into something, and he usually hits his head. But the poor kid is still learning the in's and out's of walking, and to have him break down, and cry, every time he crashes and burns just really eats at the nerves.



The twins have been Hell in a Hand basket-- pardon the expression. Our last two outings have led to me grabbing them and threatening to leave. I stop, tell them they need to behave or else we will go home-- in a very aggravated, slightly loud and very stern tone-- and then I stand up and look around, wondering what people must think of me. I mostly wonder because I could feel I was on the edge of acting reasonably. I probably should have tried a little bit harder to keep it under control.

Our first adventure began at Del Taco. I took the kids, by myself, after a family outing. My husband had to go to work. The twins were screaming, running, jumping, hanging on the ropes meant to keep the line, to order, in check. I tell them over and over to stop, but they don't listen. This is what leads to me just throwing up my arms and saying, "We're done! Lets just go home!"

A nice lady, in line, picked up my crying baby for me-- he had taken another spill while walking around. She said, "I have 5 kids, so I understand."



This encounter was encouraging, but I got slightly discouraged when the Del Taco employee gave me weird looks for paying, for our churros, with pocket change. I just couldn't bear the ride home without them.

We came home, and one of the twins kept yelling something at me.

"Would you stop please! I am so tired of you yelling at me!"

Did I really just say that? I couldn't believe I felt that way. A two year old yelling at me? Doesn't that just sound strange? But it was true. He had been yelling at me all day long, and boy was I tired of it.

Of course, he's a tender heart and he immediately broke down and started to cry. This one, in particular, has been a challenge for me. He gets offended at any little hint of "No" or "Lets not do that". The minute those words, or tones, escape your mouth he breaks down and cries. There's no talking to him either. I just send him to another room, or I go somewhere else while he cools down. He always just reacts. Even when you're trying to help him, but you just don't understand, he gets upset because he thinks you aren't letting him have what he wants.

Today was another venture. We went to a local pumpkin walk, and the kids just got out of control. Whining and crying, complaining and sighing, they sent me over the edge. I grabbed one of them and threatened to just go home.



What's funny is the one that is so good at home-- cleans, listens and helps-- is always the one I'm grabbing and threatening. When we go out he just ignores me and does what he pleases.

One of our kids even wondered off. We had no idea. I heard the employees talking about a lost little boy, and I thought "Oh how sad, I hope they find his parents."

Then they mentioned he was dressed as Superman and my husband turns to me and says, "One of the twins has wondered off." And he went to find him.

How did he get lost? We were right there, watching him play.

My husband said, "I think he was looking for us at least."

I can just picture him running around the gardens yelling, "Mom! Mom!"

Crying his heart out. Just like when he got lost in that maze last weekend. That was another outing. I don't know why I thought he would just stick with his older cousins. It broke my heart.

It's been so discouraging. I almost don't want to take them out, but I know that's how they learn. I just wonder if it's a lack of parenting or if it's just the age and circumstance.

I guess we both need practice. If things don't get better maybe I'll send them to live with monsters on some far away island. Or, perhaps, I'll just got to a far away island.

A Marriage for Time and all Eternity

As many know, who read this blog, I am a member of the LDS Church. And, as a member of this church, I try to make frequent trips to our temples. Right now, my husband and I, try to go once a month. We consider temple work to be a very important part of our religion. There we make covenants and promises with the Lord, and our families. We perform marriages. These marriages are not just "till death do us part", but they are meant to last for eternity. And we also perform work for the dead. Those who have not been baptized, or had the opportunity to be sealed together for time and all eternity. There is quite a bit I could talk about here, but hopefully this brief explanation is enough to lay the ground work for the story I really want to share.

Almost 4 years ago my husband and I were married. On our wedding day we made promises, and were sealed together for time and all eternity. But, as wedding days go, it was all kind of a blur. Which is why I enjoy attending other weddings. For some reason, without all the nerves and anxiousness, I can better appreciate the promises I made with my husband, and with the Lord, when I see others making those same promises.

Well my husband and I have hit some bumps in the road. Have I wanted to leave? No, I wouldn't say want. There were just times that I wondered if I should. And there were times that I thought, "Either way it's going to be hard. And if things don't start to change, leaving may give me a chance to get back on track."

My mind wondered to the what if's. What if I had dated my husband longer? What if I had waited for another guy to come along? What if. . .what if. . .what if?

I'm still devoted to my husband, but there are times were being devoted only means you're hanging in there, by a thread.

We set aside our night for the temple. Thanks to our special, new calender. And we got a sitter and made our trip. It was late, and we were the last session. I told my husband I wanted to do sealings-- this means that we act as others, who have passed on, who did not get the opportunity to be sealed together here on Earth. I like sealings because my husband can be by my side the whole time. I'm still not entirely sure of myself at the temple. It's still pretty new to me, and we haven't made a good effort at going in the past. So I really like to have my husband there to guide me through it all. We sat down, and they began. The first couple knelt at the alter. As they spoke the words, my heart swelled and my eyes teared up. They hit me just right there. I heard the promises I had made to my husband. And I knew that what we had was more important than anything here on Earth. That those things that troubled me were not worth sacrificing my marriage. What was important was to stay devoted and true to my husband. That we need to keep our family together. And we will be blessed for doing so.



I know with all my heart that the LDS church is true. Not just because it opened my eyes, and I was given a revelation and some good advice. No, it's because that night, when I received that revelation, I felt whole again. And I can not describe how wonderful that feels. Everything was made clear. All that had been clouded up in my mind was gone. It was all so simple now. And that is how I know it's true. I don't have to wonder, or guess, if what I am doing, or living is right.

I know my church is not everybody's church. I know that there are some that read this blog who are not LDS. My religion may seem foreign to some. I don't expect everyone to accept or believe every aspect of it. But just know I am a person who believes in Christ and Heavenly Father. Who lives a religion that is good, and that provides many services. I believe our church has done many great things on this Earth, and I believe that it has helped me become a person that does many great things as well.

I am also a person who is grateful for her family. They are all amazing people, who do amazing things. And they all would drop anything to help someone in need. I'm thankful for my husband, who gives me an understanding that most would not. And I am grateful for my children. They are so wonderful in so many ways. And they are so good to forgive their mom when she has acted badly.



Thank you to those who read!

Just When You Think You Know How to Play the Game. . .

. . .they change the rules!

Do you ever feel like you got this parenting thing down? Like you are super mom and can take on any mess or spill, any tantrum or fit? Your kids are bright shining examples, and everyone praises you left and right.

And then, all of the sudden, it all falls apart.

The twins, for example, would have certain personality traits. One was easy going and could go with the flow. The other really liked his structure and order. One was moody and had a tender heart. The other was independent and liked his space. We would think we had it down. We would tell people which traits belonged to which twin. Then something would happen. Was it a full moon? Perhaps a growth spurt. Maybe subtle changes in the weather. Whatever it was, the next thing we knew the independent one wanted to be held all the time. The tender heart was beating up his brother. And the easy going one would throw a fit at any change of pace.

We felt like we didn't know our kids. Now, you throw into the mix, another child to take the reigns. And that almost makes a whole new game.

You think you have it down. You think you know how kids are. What each stage brings. Then you have the 2nd child-- technically my third, but second pregnancy and second time around. My third has thrown a whole new set of schemes at us. He is very determined and bold. If he doesn't want a bottle he dramatically pushes it away, and gives you a look that seems to say, "How dare you bring me such things!"

He has to clear everything from everything. If I set something on the stairs, he knocks it down. He clears off tables and window sills. He pulls everything out of drawers-- I finally found the culprit behind the disappearance of my chap stick and lotion from my sock drawer. When he's done eating, and upset that you offer him more food instead of getting him down, he does a clean sweep. Knocking everything to the floor.



Today the three ran me through the wringer. I went on a fun outing with my cousin, and her little girl. To a place called Gardener's Village. They put up some fun Halloween witches in October.

Upon arriving, to our destination, my thoughts weren't distraught with how I would handle all three on my own. No, I didn't need to think such things. We have done this before, and all has gone rather well. But like I said, they change the rules.



The twins ran around like wild dogs released from the pound. Its as though they've been stuck inside for 3 weeks, and have forgotten how to act in public-- this may be partially my fault for not getting them out more often. The, normally, obedient twin was defiant and wouldn't listen. This all started when I couldn't make the transit train reappear. He ran all over the place, and didn't even give me a second thought. The other twin ran too, though he was a little bit easier to handle-- he had his moments though.

The baby threw fit after fit because he wanted to be out walking and playing. Not strapped and restrained in a stroller.

This is another one to get used to. During the summer the baby learned how to twist and turn his way out of the stroller. I never had to worry about stuff like that with the twins. All that twisting and turning comes in handy when I'm trying to strap him back in. That kid knows how to wriggle his way free.

Both twins ended up with bloody lips, and the baby kept walking off into crowds, falling on his bum and crawling off somewhere. Three or four times I walked up to strangers wondering who this baby's mother was. Sometimes I wonder if people think it's odd that I let my 1 year old wonder like that.

We headed to McDonalds for lunch. I thought a play place would be the perfect solution, and it was. It just had one flaw. There was no door to keep the children in. If the baby wasn't running out the door he was pulling shoes out of the shoe keep. There was a fun area where my cousin got him to play for a minute. I went to put him in, and next thing I know I turn around and another mother is pulling my crying child out of one of the little cubby holes underneath the steps.

One of the twins climbed way up in the play place, got scared and started calling out, "Mom! Mom!"

I had to talk him down.

Then we went to refill drinks-- I usually bring sippy cups and split a large drink between us all-- the boys kept asking for more and handing me their cups.

I tell them, "I can't refill that cup I can only put water in it."

"I don't want water!" They exclaim

"Well then here." And I hand them the baby's cup, that still had some juice in it.

"No, that's the baby's drink."

My cousin looks at me and says, "Don't you hate it when they start getting smarter and you can't trick them anymore."

It happened again in the car when one wanted a blanket and all I had was the baby's blanket.

"No, that's the baby's blanket. Don't want it!"

Even after all the excitement, of the play place, when we left the twins ran out into the parking lot without a care in the world. Not a single ounce of energy seemed to be sapped from their little bodies. All that running and playing still left them busy and energetic. And not listening to their mother-- I swear they used to do that.



We still enjoyed ourselves on our outing. Even though the rules for outings seemed to have changed, or perhaps I have selective memory.

Each child brings a different kind of joy, a different kind of love, a different personality and a different set of rules. And none of these things come typed up in fancy little How to Raise Me book. I'm slowly learning, and then relearning. That's what this whole parenting adventure is about, right?

Slumps and Ruts are No Match for Good Holiday Fun!

In recent posts I wrote about being sort of caught in a slump, or stuck in a rut. Since then we've been trying to keep ourselves entertained, and active.

One night, unwilling to face the most certain boredom of having to be alone with the kids while my husband went to work, I decided to take a jaunt to the dollar store. The boys got to pick out one thing each to buy. I didn't realize how wonderful the dollar store can be. They really have a lot of great things there. Well, great for someone on a budget-- or someone who is just dirt poor. I mean there were fun Halloween decorations, flash cards and work books and I even found some toy guns for mine and my husbands Halloween Costumes.

We also did some fun projects. We talked about our skeletons while we made skeletons out of paper plates. We even cut little shapes out for the eyes, nose and mouth and had the boys name them.



We also painted these leaves to hang up in the boys' room. We mixed light karo syrup with food coloring and used q-tips to paint it on. Warning: it is very sticky, even after it has dried for a couple days. I got the idea after subbing in a class one day. The teacher did this as an art project. One of the twins found this to be an especially tasty art project. He kept dipping his finger in the yellow. YUM!



For future reference, cut out the leaves first, glue them on paper, then paint.

We have also been enjoying our local canyons.

We drove up one on of our favorites on Sunday.



And today we took a fun walk, on the parkway trail, in the canyon by our house.




We still watch movies, A LOT! But we are getting back into the swing of things, and doing our best to make the most of one of our favorite times of the year!

Strange Brew!

Things sure have gotten strange around here as far as illness' go. It all started when the youngest to a trip to the doctor for a perceived ear infection and he actually had one.

OK, so that doesn't sound so strange, but it was kind of on the weird side for us. The first year with the twins was spent going to the doctor many a times only to hear, "These kids don't look sick. Everything looks good."

I'd swear their coughs sounded awful. I could almost bet you could here congestion in their lungs. One time, one of their ears was even bleeding. But still nothing was wrong-- bleeding ear ended up just being a scratch.

Not that I'm complaining. I just feel a little sheepish taking my kids in all the time for NOT being sick. You think you can trust your instincts.

The twins didn't get actual sick-- like fever, aches, wouldn't eat, etc.-- until they were about 15 months old. So it was unusual when my nine month old was actually sick with an actual ear infection.

The events got even stranger when he had an allergic reaction to the antibiotics. We've never had problems like that. And yet, there it was. A nice red rash all over his body.

Ever since that, infamous, ear infection things have gotten strange around here.

There was the case of the melting eye-- as my husband called it.




Turned out to be allergies, of all things. Just a little Benedryl, and he was all better.

Then there was my morning with Quasimodo.




Same kid, same eye, only this time it was a bug bite. Benedryl still did the trick.

And lets not forget, the lovely abscess. Brought to us by the baby who's ear infection started it all.




I know it's sounds strange, but it's kind of strange to have people confirm that I should be worried about whatever bump, or swelling, my kids have. Most the time I feel like I'm over reacting. Or, I guess, a more proper way to say it is: I don't trust myself enough to not react, but I don't want to over react, but I'm worried if I under react it will be to late-- or things will just have escalated further than they should have.

I guess my biggest issue is I react when I shouldn't. I don't think about all the things that could happen. And, when a real problem occurs, I talk myself into thinking it's not as bad as I think it is. In fact, when it really is a proper time to worry, I'm usually not worried.

How's that for strange?

Luckily even our strangest of illness' have ended up being low key-- with a side of knowing that trip to the doctor was not for naught.

S is for Slacker

Just a side note: Every time I go to write a post lately I try to keep in mind to keep it short, but have failed. Sorry for some of the long winded posts.



If you looked up slacker in the dictionary you may, or may not, find my name there. The boys have lost interest in playing outside, since it's grown colder-- and since we had a week of unending rainstorms. And I have let them stay inside and watch movies all day.

At one of our WIC appointments they asked me, "How much TV do the twins watch a day?"

I really didn't know the answer. I didn't even know what was considered acceptable, so I could fake a good answer.



I just told them, "1-2 hours."

That could be true. I don't know. At least WIC didn't seem to mind.

Usually they wake up, eat breakfast and ask to watch Thomas. . .

I say, "After the news."

They get bored and go play outside or something. Then lunch rolls around. We eat lunch. I change their diapers, and I send them downstairs to watch an hour of TV before their nap-- this is a new thing we've been trying to try and calm them down before nap time.

Sometimes, at night, we watch Baby Nighttime Programs, on channel 9400, or they watch a movie in their room.

I'm really not the greatest at the "limited TV viewing" thing. In fact I always have the TV on, even if I'm not watching it, just to hear some voices.

My children probably do watch too much TV. I usually don't let it bother me because I think we are a very active family. One day might be spent watching TV all day. Then the next we'll leave the house and won't return till bedtime.

I did do good when I purchased a Thomas. . . coloring book. The boys colored in it for days. And show it off with adoration.



But, even so, the Movie watching has eaten at me a little lately.

"I should take them to the park. We should go find some fun Halloween stuff to do. Why am I not motivated to go anywhere?"

And now our baby has a pretty little abscess to get over, which makes going out even harder. I just feel bad because his car seat straps sit right where the abscess is.



My friend had a cute idea for beating the "Stuck in a Rut" woes. She put pumpkins on the wall, 1 for each day of the month. Then she wrote an activity on the back. Everyday her and her daughter pick a pumpkin and do the activity. I thought it was rather creative, and fun!

I, also, usually wouldn't feel bad about the TV viewing because of the lessons we do. But I really haven't done them since August-- that's when I went into party planning mode for my baby's 1st Birthday.

We've just now started to do them again, but I've decided to only do them every other week.

Yes I have been kind of a slacker around here. Trying to get things back in order has been a difficult thing. The change of the seasons always leads to adjustments as well.

Perhaps I'll use my friends idea-- her blog is private, but I wish I could link it.

A Year Has Gone By. . .And Then Some

I don't know if I made an official announcement on this blog, but my youngest turned 1 last month. Having your second-- or kind of second-- grow older is a bit stranger than having your first--or firsts-- grow up. In my head my youngest was the baby, and the twins were the toddlers. Now my baby is getting to the toddler stage, and that just seems crazy.

I keep thinking, "Are you old enough for that?" Than I think, "I guess the twins were doing that at his age."

But when it was the twins it didn't seem so strange. In fact I think I tried harder, and expected more, with them. But with my youngest I just have it my head, "He's the baby! He's not ready for that yet."

Luckily the child is persistent, and a very fast learner.

The year began sort of strange. I remember when they delivered the baby. He had the most awful, angry cry you ever heard. It actually kind of shocked me. I was thinking, "Oh my gosh! Put him back! He doesn't want to be here."



My husband and I joked about how he just didn't seem to want to be in the family. I think it was when he was about 3 weeks old we decided, that he had decided, we were OK.

Back to the cry. I kid you not, it was awful. When I finally started to just let him cry(after weeks of indigestion, formula switching and random feedings)he would escalate so fast. Luckily he would only cry for 20 minutes or so, most of the time.

My nephew was over one night and he said, "I don't like the way that baby cries. It's scary!"

Yes the child has a way of crying. It has improved, but there are still days. One day he kept following me around, wanting me to pick him up.



"I'm sorry," I said, "But I'm not going to just hold you all morning."

Finally I just ignored him and tried to let him cry it out. Well, One cry would feed the next. It was an all around pity party, with my baby boy as the main guest.

* * *

On to different subjects, don't you just love this age? I mean they are down right adorable that's for sure. Nothing beats a little baby waddle. That cute little way they have of walking, that soon disappears. And it is just so cute, at this age, when they mimic you. I wouldn't say it's because it's rare, even though it can be. The twins mimic me non-stop--from talking to scolding to cleaning and sorting-- and I have to say it's pretty darn cute. I think it is just because it's new and fun, and they're still chubby and babyish.



Of course, this age brings on some not so fun issues. Welcome to the busy stage! And busy was already busy before it got to this stage. That child is a walking catastrophe, that makes an appearance 3-4 times a day. He has no interest in toys. He doesn't like things to be on top of tables. And this one Halloween decoration we have-- a sticky, type, skeleton thing stuck to our china cabinet-- has become a main target. I've told him, "No!" I've let him play with it, in hopes he'll loose interest. I've even smacked his hand. Nothing can keep that poor skeletons bones stuck to the glass.



I remember when the twins turned one and I thought, "If only I had known this was in our future."

Daily they would pull things out of drawers. Play with a tool their dad had left out, I'd take it away and then they would cry-- sometimes I would let them keep it just because I didn't want to deal with the crying. I'd clean up, they'd pull it back out. I would get them away from something, they would crawl right back. And that thing that people always talked about, about how they would both take off in different directions, really happened. I remember having to decided which one was in more danger,-- that one is almost to the road, but this one is by the irrigation ditch-- and chasing after him first. And would they leave my stuff alone to play with toys? No sir! Not a single toy would interest them. And if I found one, they would play it for five seconds and go right back to wreaking havoc. And they were my easy going ones.

We now have decided to wait until 18 months to see if, or when, we want to plan for the next baby.

I have to say had I waited until 18 months with the twins things probably would have gone more differently. Well, that's what I say at least. I would probably still be pining for a baby. But part of me thinks I would have waited even longer. Maybe 3-4 years. Given the twins a good amount of time on their own. Let it just be us for a while.

Part of me wonders if that would have been better for the oldest of the twins-- he's incredibly jealous of the baby and is incredibly mean to him. But than I also think he came a long way, in a good way, since the baby was born.

At first he wouldn't even look at him. But, after a month, he would pat his head when he cried, rock his car seat and give him a pacifier if he needed one. It was really neat to see that change. But that change changed once 6 months hit and the baby started grabbing for his toys.

Even the youngest, who was such a natural big brother, has given into the sibling rivalry. They even try to block the TV so the baby can't watch their show.

"It's my Thomas!" They yell.

They do this to each other sometimes too. I'm not too worried about it. I think things will change when the baby gets more on their level. Plus he can already tackle them to the ground-- even before he could even walk. I keep telling them he'll be able to fight back, and he's strong and has extremely fine motor skills.



The year was an interesting one. Full of learning and growing, stress and tears, happiness and grief. Now that I have had a year to recover, from pregnancy, I really don't think I want to go back. Partly because it feels so good to have lost all my pregnancy weight. Partly because I'm enjoying getting into shape, and having my body back. But probably the biggest reason is because there really is no time, in the foreseeable future, that a baby would make sense for us. Can that change? I'm sure it can, and probably will. But for now I'm happy, just me and my boys.

What's in an Outfit

My husband made fun of me when he came home to find the twins dressed like this.

"What is he wearing!" he exclaimed. And let out a little laugh

"What?" I said, defensively. "He really wanted to were the 'Cars' outfit, but it was too cold for it. I was going to try and change his mind, but he was carrying it around saying, 'Cars!' so excitedly that I felt bad."

I'll admit I'm a sucker for sentiments. When my boys look at something with those extra special eyes, my heart just melts.

Looks like we need to get some long sleeved "Cars" and "Thomas. . ." shirts.

Fighting the Stress Monster

I wish I was good under pressure and handled stress well, but I'm not. I think a big problem is that I'm incredibly driven by my emotions. I have a very hot temper. I tend to throw and kick things when I get really mad. And I yell. I yell a lot. But I try to recognize the fact that this is something I need to get under control. I really want to get it under control before my kids start getting old enough to remember. One of them has already started to recognize the warning signs of Monster Mom.

While growing up, and trying to control many emotions, I learned something important. You can't take control when you're in the middle of it all. The control has to come from the beginning. For example: If you want to avoid smoking and drinking you don't go and hang out at bars every night. Instead you would avoid the situation entirely, if you could.

So to fight off my stress monsters I need to recognize what will set me off. I've been trying to practice this. When I feel something that starts to dig under my skin, and I start to react, I just tell myself, "Stop! Don't go there!"

At times I even try to visualize pushing something out from under my nerves.

Another way I avoid stress is right here in this blog. I use my blogs, and facebook, as outlets to the outside world. Sometimes all I need is a little communication. It's funny how a comment on the blog, or a notification on facebook, can totally make my day. It can turn me from the over frazzled mom, who yells all day long, and can't seem to get anything done, into a happy mom, that sings fun little songs, and takes some time to tickle her kids and make them laugh.

I've also tried just calling some people, like my mom or husband, just to talk. It kind of helps, but it's not the best.

A not so good one is my Soda Pop. This is probably proof of how addicted I am, but when I'm feeling a little worn I pull out a pop and tell myself, "This is your break!" Take a drink, and a deep breath, and I feel slightly rejuvenated.

There are times I just can't let things go. Like repetitiveness really sets me off. Like the when I let out a frustrated moan when I hit my head in the kids playroom, for the hundredth time, while I was crawling in there to turn of the light. Pain is another one that sets me off. I then think about how I'm the only one that turns it off. And how I'm the only one that cleans up that stupid playroom. I even got so sick of it I took the light bulb out and none of the kids played in there for months. Luckily the twins are now old enough to crawl in and turn it off themselves when I ask them to.



Initial shock of a situation can set me off too! Like when I was at the McDonalds and one of the twins flushed a diaper cover down the toilet-- the more expensive part of the cloth diaper. It was a pocket diaper, so I pulled out the pad inside, set the cover on the toilet to be rinsed, put the pad in the wet bag, heard a flush, turned around and the diaper cover was gone. I didn't even know what to think. The whole thing must have freaked out my little boy because he started crying before I started yelling. Yes, right in the middle of a public restroom, I repeatedly yelled, "Don't ever do that again! Don't play with the toilets! Do you understand what you just did!" Luckily it was one of the cheaper diapers, but it was still a frustrating situation.

One that has really been digging at me lately is whining. Oh, how my children whine. And it drives me insane. Sometimes they whine about 5 things at once, "I want a drink, I want a cracker, I want to go on a walk." Then the rest will be gibberish that I'm yet to understand. So I try to solve a problem. Give them a cracker or a drink. They fold their arms and say, "No!" Apparently the gibberish, that I cannot understand, is what they are really after. So I just send them into the room to watch Thomas, or tell them to go outside. On my better days I can calmly say, "Say Please, and don't whine. Tell me what it is you want." On my bad days, in a not so calm fashion, I say "Stop whining! Oh my gosh you drive me CRAZY!" Sometimes the the good days and the bad days are the same day.



Even though I'm still working on having patience, and being calm under pressure, one other thing I try to practice is saying, "Sorry". I know I can't take back what I did or said. But it's really important to me to recognize that I have done something wrong, and then let my children know I shouldn't have done that and I am sorry. I don't want them to think everything is their fault. Sometimes it can be really hard for me to go and apologize. Even though I know I'm at fault, I'll still try and try to make it someone else wrong doing. But it's really important to me to do this, so I swallow my pride and go in and apologize. Of course, I always try to make sure I'm sincere. Because an insincere apology is almost as bad as no apology.

So one last thing on this post of mine. One more stress buster were using around here is this lovely calender.



I'll explain it in a minute, but first I want to explain where the idea stemmed from.

I wanted to create this for a long time now. A way to better organize my thoughts and get things done. But the pressure to get it done really came about over the summer. Our marriage went through a lot of stress. I felts so worn thin-- if anyone is a nerd, like me, that line from The Lord of the Rings about too little butter being spread over too much bread perfectly describes it. Things got so bad that I was worried I would never be able to get past it. I was worried I would hold it against my husband until he finally left. I knew that was wrong of me. I knew I needed to forgive him, but I just felt so wronged. Well believe it or not this calender set up has helped us move past some of those issues. One of the problems was that my husband had too much on his plate. He wasn't asking for help, but he was forgetting to do a lot of very important things. Which is why this calender really works well for us.

So I printed out little pictures for the chores I need to get done each week, month, etc. And we put them up as needed. I then printed out a picture for a Project Day. We'll have it once a month. And on that day we will pull a note card, out of an envelope, that will have a project written on it and get it done. There is also a project day specifically for my husband. I don't know if it will be once a week or once a month. Probably once a week for now because there is a lot of catching up to do. It's just like Project Day only this time it's things that my husband needs to get done. Last but not least, at the top is a picture for deep cleaning. Every month we'll pick a different room from the Deep Cleaning Envelope and spend the month deep
cleaning that room.

I also gave my husband a note pad that has all the days of the week on it. That way he can write down one thing each day that he needs to do.

I know it sounds like I'm picking on him, but I promise I'm doing my fair share too. Plus if he needs help, I'm always here.

These other calenders are for writing down events that are happening, and one is for m husband's work schedule because it's all sorts of crazy.



This calender has really helped cut down stress. In fact we've had so much free time lately, and nothing overwhelming or procrastinated to fill it's void, that we don't know what to do with ourselves. I should also note that it has only been a couple of days, so we'll see if it stands the test of time.

Good luck with your Stress Monsters! Whatever they may be!