To Our Santa!

We've always been taught that the spirit of Santa is the most important aspect of the jolly old figure. That is why I've never stopped believing in him. His spirit exists and therefore so does he. It is the spirit of charity, love and giving without want of receiving. The spirit of Christ. The spirit of Christmas.

Our special Santa truly embraced this spirit. He didn't ask for a gift in return, a plate of cookies or even recognition for his good deed. I do not even know who this special Santa is, which is why I'm posting this. I'm hoping that maybe our Santa will come across this post so that he will know how truly grateful we are for his kindness.

So Thank you Santa for the Gift Card! We can't tell you how much we appreciated it. The value of your thoughtfulness and kindness is worth more than the money on that card!

There are a few things I miss about the newborn stage. I miss the tiny preciousness of a newborn babe; the way they would sleep so deep no matter where we were; but most of all I miss the baby cuddles. My boys don't cuddle with me anymore- even when they are upset or getting tired. Now they mostly pull my hair, grab at my teeth or play a pretend drum on my arms.



I wish I had cuddled them more when they were so little and still. That's why last night was so special to me. I woke my little boy up from a nap, sat on the couch and he laid his head on my chest and cuddled. I thought the moment would be over soon, but he stayed there for so long we even got a picture. I was so in love with the moment. I even sat and fed him his bottle while he was cradled in my arms. Something I haven't done since they were 3 months old. It may be months before I get another cuddle in, but I'm still so grateful for that brief moment I had.

Christmas is my favorite time of the year, and I love to sit back and enjoy the season! It's even more wonderful to celebrate Christmas with my boys. It makes this time of year so much more special.

My husband and I have hit some hard times, but we haven't let it get us down. I've handled things better than I ever thought I could. Normally I get upset and down on myself, and I usually get a bad case of the why me-s. I know when I'm like this I'm not that pleasant to be around (it's why I stopped going to girls camp). So this time around when I felt the why me-s coming on I'd push them back and think, "You have to hold it together for your family."

Even though I've done better than usual, I'm still not perfect. I've lost my temper a couple times with my boys, and an assignment from church pushed me over the edge. I had managed to stay under control about my husband's job loss, and about having to go back to work. But the nervous strain I'd have to put myself under each time I had to fulfill my calling was more than I could bare. I just couldn't be positive about things anymore. All my positivity had been used on holding it together after the job loss.

I know how I should act. I know how I should look at things, but sometimes I just want to reserve the right to say. "This Sucks!"

I'll straighten up in a day or two, and I'll usually be a little embarrassed. But while I'm in the moment of wanting to act badly I just want to act badly. I don't want to be lectured on how I should handle things. I just want to be told I have a right to be upset. And when people don't give me that right the anger knot in my stomach just grows and grows.

I have come to terms with things, and I have shaped up my attitude for the most part, but for one good day or two I just wanted to be angry and upset.

I know this isn't really a mommy-ing story, but it does apply. I've been trapped by my emotions as a mother, including when I was pregnant, and it's hard to find a proper outlet for those emotions. I know that this is basically what this blog is about, but I just wanted a little refresher post to remind myself that it's OK to say "This Sucks!" As long as that attitude doesn't define me.

Button Masher!

Even though we made a break through with the baby signs, the practice is not yet perfected. And as I sat in my family room, working on Christmas cards, listening to my big boy once again make that awful whining sound, I had an epiphany

http://www.fisher-price.com/fp.aspx?st=10&e=gamesLanding&mcat=game_infant,game_toddler,game_preschool

It has infant games that only require you to touch the keys on the keyboard to make things happen. Their are also computer programs out there too that do the same thing.

So once I had finished with my Christmas card project I took my boy to the computer and we played a peek-a-boo game. He love it! He kept opening random stuff, and eventually closed the program all together, but it still made him happy for that small amount of time he got to play.

Sign Baby Sign!

I finally started to really work on teaching my boys baby signs. My little boy picked it up first. We were working on "Want". And after hours of, "Don't scream say 'want'*make hand motion*" I look down and my son is making his own variation of the sign "want". I can't even explain my joy! It was the best thing in the world to see him use his new form of communication.



My big boy prefers to use this nasally, whiny, barnyard type noise to try and communicate. We can't figure out what the noise means because he makes it all the time- happy, sad, hungry, mad, before naps, after naps, you name it. Well we've been working really hard on getting him to use another form of communication because mommy and baby cannot be in the same room as long as that noise is being made. Finally, tonight, we made a breakthrough. He finally uses his own form of "more". The trick was showing him that clapping his hands works just as well. He caught on really quickly, and started using the sign like crazy. I was so very happy with his accomplishment! And my big boy seems so much happier now that he has an effective form of communication.

You Better Watch Out!

Gone are the days of the boys just sitting and playing with their toys all morning.



They want to move so bad, and they are trying really hard to do it. They turn their bodies and sit mermaid style, then they try to move and usually end up falling on their tummy. When that happens they usually cry because they have never liked being on their tummies. If mom doesn't answer their call they scoot themselves backwards all over the room. My big boy has backed himself into the crib and the bouncy seat so far. Sadly this is just the beginning of the joys of crawling and walking.

Time to get a play yard.



I took this photo this morning. My little boy fell on his tummy and his brother got a hold of his feet and was playing with them. I then noticed my little boy had a binkie in his mouth and one in his hand. This was the second time this morning he had stolen his brothers binkie. I went back a few minutes later and my little boy had kicked his brother over. Gotta love the sibling rivalry!

It's a Wonderful Life!

This blog has sort of become a place for me to vent about the everyday frustrations of being a mom of twins. But I've recently learned that venting can sometimes lead people to think that life with my two little boys is anything but wonderful. Even though it can get extremely hard and tiresome I have never been happier!

Life with the boys hasn't always been easy.

The first 2-3 months were alright. I think I was just so happy that I wasn't pregnant anymore I didn't mind getting up for feedings. Plus the newborn stage ended up being better than I had originally planned, so that made things a little easier to take :)

3-6 months was probably the hardest time for me. The boys had to be on a strict schedule in order for things to go smoothly. If they got off even a little there was hell to pay! It took a lot of work, patience and crying to get them on a schedule, but I was grateful that I did. Of course, it left me kind of tied down. I had about an hour leeway for each feeding and nap. If I waited over an hour I usually wanted to rip my hair out when I tried to put them down for bed that night.

Then we reached 6 months to present, and life is WONDERFUL! I slowly learned that their schedule doesn't have to be so exact. We still get naps in at about the same time, but their feedings can be a little more stretched out.

Feedings have also become a lot easier. They learned to hold their own bottles which has just been a delight. And we recently started them on finger foods. Now when they get grumpy I can give them a cracker or a banana to munch on. They love these rice crackers called Baby Mum-Mum's! And they also love Gogurts! Pretty much feedings are a breeze.



I love everyday I get to spend with these boys. I can't seem to soak up all the specialness each day holds.

Of course, there are still those days where I just can't seem to handle the crying and the whining- it's not even like it wears on me all day until I can't take it anymore I usually start out just being upset and I don't know why- But we always get through it, and the next day I'm usually back to loving those boys to death.

Being a mom is the job I've always wanted. I just didn't always know it. I've worked with special needs people for a good majority of my working life. The work was hard(almost as hard as being a mom), but I really love it. Of course, when working with special needs people you usually find yourself reaching an overwhelming "I can't handle this" moment quite often. And when those moments came, for me, I would be filled with regret. I would always think "Why am I here? Why did I say I'd take this shift? I don't want to be here!" But when I reach that overwhelming moment as a mother the thoughts of regret are nowhere to be found. Being a mom is everything I've always loved to do and then some. Yes, it's hard, but the good times are so worth working through the hard times.

Our Big Move!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. The last 2-3 weeks I've spent working on our home.

We just bought a house and we were able to start moving in on October 15th. We decided to use the first week to paint. Everyday for a week I'd pack the boys up after lunch, go pick up my nephew from school and head to the house to paint. It's exhausting living in between houses with twins. We tried to be smarter about things this time. We bought a box of cereal and a can of formula just to keep at the house. Last move we made we never had food when we needed it because mom didn't plan things very well. We kept their playpen at the new house too, so they wouldn't miss any naps. And we eventually brought over a humidifier since they both decided to be sick the week we needed to paint.

Even with all this planning we still had some fun events.

-One day I left my purse in my mom's car, so my car keys and everything went to work with her. I realized this about 20 minutes before I had to pick up my nephew from school. My parents don't have a land line at their house(that's were I was currently staying)so I had no way to contact anyone. The only way I could get my nephew from school was to walk, but my car had the stroller in it and I had no keys. So I put the boys in their seats threw them in my old red wagon and began walking to school. I thought I had left my phone at the new house so I figured I would head there after I picked up my nephew. I got to the house only to find I had no phone. I guess I'd just wait there till my husband realized where I was. I started painting and the boys got fussy so I gave them their juice. I continued to paint. The boys got fussy again. I realized it was their nap time. I picked up my little boy and he was soaked from his juice. There I was in a freezing cold house(we hadn't had the gas turned on yet), with a boy in soaked clothes and no backup outfits.Plus I only had two blankets for each baby. I stripped him and tied two receiving blankets around him like a toga and wrapped him in a third blanket. I began to panic a little. I didn't even know what time it was. I decided to head to the neighbors to use their phone. I got a hold of my Dad. And minutes after calling him Craig showed up to save me.-

-We also had an unexpected arrival.

Our dog, who was pregnant when we got her. Decided to give birth at 10:00 on Monday night. The second one got stuck on her hip bone and my husband and I spent a few nerve wracking minutes trying to play "vet". We popped the sack so the puppy could breath but it was still stuck. We pulled and pulled while mommy winced in pain. And finally my husband turned the puppy and it slid right out lucky to be alive. If I could remember which puppy it was I'd surely name him lucky, but they all look the same. I have to say I was rather happy when that second one came along. We thought she might only have one and I thought to myself, "There is no way that dog is having a smaller litter than me!" She ended up with three adorable puppies that my parents graciously cared for while we painted our house.-

My parents were nice enough to take the boys each night and put them to bed while my husband and I stayed up and painted.

Then my husband's parents were nice enough to come and help us haul everything over from the storage unit that weekend.

I kept my cool for a good long while. But on Tuesday I totally lost it. I called my husband completely frantic. I couldn't stand living in a jumbled mess, tip toeing around boxes and such, with the babies anymore. It was too hard! Sadly a dysfunctional shower curtain rod is what made me snap ;)

Friday I had another blow out. I was in a good cleaning mode when the boys woke up from their nap. Since they can hold their bottles now I decided to try my infant feeders. They're like bottles only you put baby food in them. My big boy really enjoyed his and worked it beautifully. My little boy just does not like new things. He kept crying and crying and crying. I got so frustrated with him, and somehow baby food ended up spattered all over the room. I'm still not sure how that happened ;)

Things started to calm down, but my little boy wasn't used to his new house yet(plus he was cutting a tooth), so he'd cry hysterically each night at bedtime, and every morning at 6:00. It was almost like he was throwing a tantrum. I would give him teething tablets, but he would still keep crying. I might be a horrible mom for it, but I just let him cry. Sometimes he would cry for over an hour. Of course, it would take less time if I could be somewhere where I couldn't hear the crying. That way I wouldn't get frustrated and start throwing a tantrum of my own(The old saying is true, "If mom ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"). It took 2 or 3 days of this but now he sleeps peacefully until about 9:00 or 10:00, and he goes to bed really well too.

We finally got the house looking like a home, and we ended the week by hanging up some pictures and putting our Halloween decorations.

It's a fun and stressful time, but I'm so happy to have a nice place where my kids can grow up.

Baby Products I'm Using, Trying and Sometimes Loving

I've been trying to find a good solution for feedings so that they can be virtually hands free. When the boys were newborns they didn't move a lot so we could just prop the bottles up with blankets. But when they got to where they could see better they started moving their heads a lot, so propping bottles is now out of the question. So I've been looking for different products, and ideas, that are designed to make feedings go a little smoother.

My friend, who also has twins, told me about these neat bottles you can find at Babies R' Us.




The nipple is hooked up to a tube that siphons the milk out of the bottle like a straw.

My big boy is getting very good at using this system.

My little boy doesn't have the attention span for it. At first he didn't like how much sucking it took to get the milk up to the nipple. Then I figured out you can squeeze the nipple at the base and it pulls the milk up. Well then he doesn't want to put the effort into keeping the flow going. I also think he gets confused because he can't see the bottle in front of him.



They also get distracted by all the fun tubes, and the fact that the bottle is sitting on the floor by their heads, so they try to play with everything which gets a little annoying.

I think if we keep practicing with these bottles they will be a very nice thing to have. At least I know my big boy can use them. If you are interested in trying these bottles they are called Podee bottles (or feeding system?). I recommend starting when your babies are newborns, so they can get used to how they work.

While at Babies R' Us, looking for the Podee bottles, I made another discovery. I've asked myself before why they don't make bottles with handles like some sippy cups have. Well low and behold they do.



My little boy is a pro at these. He caught right on. My big boy. . .not so much. But at least one can use the Podee Bottles and one can use these.

These kind have a slower flowing nipple- to prevent spills when the baby waves them around- so don't use them at night when you just want to get the feeding over with and go back to bed.

The last product I have to mention is one you all probably know about. The Gerber Graduates Puffs. The only reason I mention them is because I didn't realize I could use them already until a friend recommended them to me.



Gerber doesn't go by age, they go by stage- supported sitters can start eating cereal, etc.- I really like this system because it seems fairly reasonable, so I figure it fits in well with my mommy-ing ways. According to their system you should start using the puffs when your baby is crawling, which is why I didn't think to try them yet. But I went and bought some and I am so glad I did. I now can get my grumpy, tired and hungry boys through church meetings. I can also get through that long stretch of night where we are stuck between two feedings without a nap. They have just worked wonderfully for us, and I'm so glad my friend told us to go buy some.

Keeping Up With the Schedules

I am seriously so strict about keeping a schedule. I never wanted to be this strict. I would love to be easy going and roll with the punches, but it causes me too much stress. I can't handle it when things are up in the air. Especially with the babies. When they pull random stuff on me my world collapses. ;) I do try to let things go here and there. Sometimes occasions arise that require you to just deal, but for the most part I try to take extra care to keep them on that schedule.

If I execute their schedule just right every day, I get to sleep in until ten. And if they stay on this schedule things go so much smoother during the day. They're happy when they're supposed to be happy. When they cry I know exactly why. They're naps usually go well, and mom can be happy and well balanced.

But things can't always go as you plan no matter how hard you try. And I'm afraid to admit that when my boys throw me a curve ball- wake up an hour early from their nap or won't go to bed when they're supposed to- I have a break down. I usually get hysterical and yell and scream. I try so hard to calm myself and handle it, but each cry that they utter, when they are supposed to be asleep, just digs deeper and deeper into my nerves until I can't handle it anymore. A lot of the time I get frantic. I'm so upset that I can't think of how to logically handle the situation- try teething tablets or gas medicine, maybe check their diapers- and I just become a ranting raving monster mom.

Today was one of those days. The boys gave me a hard time going down for their nap at noon. Then they woke up early from that nap. Then they ate lunch and spent the afternoon making, what my family has come to lovingly call, barnyard sounds.

I feel like I spent the whole day screaming. And then when the day was over I just felt like crying. I was so frustrated and worked up I felt like I needed to rant yet I had nothing to rant about.

Tonight was my girls night out, so at least I was able to get out. But by the end of the day I was so upset with how things had gone I couldn't even get enthused about being able to spend the night shopping baby free.

I know I'll recover. I know I'll probably wake up tomorrow and be overflowing with love for those boys. But as for now I'm still trying to sort through all my worked up emotions. Luckily I've started a blog where I can do just that ;)

Don't Say Mom Anymore Today

My mom is always telling me that there were days she'd tell us kids not to call her mom anymore.

After spending the afternoon with my nephew I can now understand this reasoning.

I love my nephew a lot, and I can normally spend a lot of time with him and not get overly annoyed. But for some reason spending Saturday afternoon with him pushed me into the "Don't say Mom. . ." mindset.

It may have been because I was tired from subbing at work for two days, or because we were running errands with two babies and a 4 year old. Who really knows?

Either way when we got home I told him, "Don't say Tricia anymore today! If you have a question ask Craig." ;)

There's a First for Everything!

I had to post a picture of the boys in these pajamas because they are the first articles of clothing that were purchased for my twins.



Shortly after I found out we were having twins I called my friend. She informed me that she was going to run out and buy me a present. She presented me with these adorable pj's. I put them on the boys for the first time tonight, and I have to admit I was rather excited to do so!



When I first received these pajamas I was about 18 weeks pregnant, and I thought it would be forever before I saw the day they would wear them. Of course, forever came a lot sooner due to the fact that my boys are 6 months old wearing 12 month clothes. But either way that day is now here. I can't believe how far we've come, and how fast we got here.

If all Days Were Like Unto This Day. . .I'd Surely be Dead

I have to share the events of my day.

I woke up to babies crying. It usually puts a damper in my morning when my babies wake me up instead of vise versa. I'm so much happier when I can go in and coo them to life and see their overjoyed smiling faces. When they wake me up, especially before 10:00, I get a little upset. But I tried to turn my attitude around.

I made them breakfast, and I also made my nephew part of his breakfast. I fed the twins, changed their diapers and cleaned up. I made the remainder of my nephew's breakfast.

I went downstairs, and I forgot why. Then I remembered I was going to grab my vitamins and the boys outfits. I took my vitamins and dressed the boys.

I then went back down stairs, and I forgot why again. I think it was so I could get dressed now. So that's what I did.

I came upstairs and made sure the boys were still happy. I then went back downstairs, and, of course, I forgot why. Oh yeah, I needed to grab my purse.

I go upstairs and see the boys have spit up all over. I go to change their bibs, and see that we don't have very many left. I take the boys downstairs for their nap, and run back upstairs to ask my mom if she wants me to bring up some bibs to wash. I have a enough time before I have to take my nephew to school to run back downstairs and grab the laundry, but not enough time to sort out and grab just bibs.

Three trips later all of our dirty laundry is upstairs.

I try to help my mom sort it out a little, and then I run out the door to get my nephew to kindergarten.

I drop him off and return home to enjoy my 2 hours of alone time. Aww! This is my favorite time of day.

I make myself lunch and watch some TV and before I know it it's time to start getting the boys lunch ready.

I get their lunch made just in time to hear them wake up from their nap.

I start feeding them, and I decide to have my little boy eat sitting up. That was a whole new kind of mess :)

We get lunch down and I have to rush to get the boys all packed up for a walk.

I plan on taking the dogs, so I start looking for the harness we bought for our dog. I look upstairs. I don't see it. So I go downstairs, and of course I forget why I did. The thought comes back to me, but I still can not find the harness. I finally just grab her leash.

Out the door we go, me, the boys, my dog and my parents dog, on our way to the school to pick up my nephew.

We get there just as the bell rings. I stick both dogs in the little basket on the stroller because dogs and kids just don't mix well.

We arrive to find the normal rush of kids flowing out the gate. Another mom, that has a kid in my nephews class, offers to grab him for me. That way I don't have to battle the crowds of children with my limo of a stroller.

We head home and when we get there I shoo my nephew into the bathroom and start making him lunch.

He comes out and needs help with his belt. I help him, and continue making his lunch.

My gosh! He's taking forever in the bathroom. I go to see if he needs anything. I guess he couldn't get his pants zipped up. He finally finishes in the bathroom and eats lunch- after constant reminders to keep eating from me.

An hour later we start homework time. We work on words, we work on numbers and we work on writing. My husband comes home while we wrap up reading time, and my nephew decides to throw a fit. He goes up the stairs and won't finish his homework.

"That's fine!" I say, "I'll just go to the park without you!"

I've convinced him to finish his work.

My husband then goes to the store to get stuff for dinner and I pack up the babies, the dogs and my nephew, once again, so we can all go to the park.

We come home after 20 minutes of playtime, and my nephew is just out of control. He's grabbing and pulling, running into furniture, playing to rough with the babies and yelling and talking.

Seriously! How do you calm this kid down?

When my husband comes home I head back to the park with my nephew, and my dog, and we run. . and skip. . .and hop. . .and gallop. . .and do cartwheels and crab walks. . .- I'm Trying with all my might to wear this kid out-. . .I run out of ideas.

When I've had enough, and I've lost the dog, we run home. The dog decided to meet us there thank goodness.

At home I try to help my husband with dinner, while trying to keep two babies content and while trying to figure out why the heck my nephew is still so wired.

I try my hardest to keep my little boy happy and smiling, but he is just so whiny. My Dad comes and takes over. Thank you Dad!

I do one more homework assignment with my nephew- seriously he still has more homework to do?

I finally give my grumpy babies some juice and all the while I try to remain conscientious of my husband in there making dinner for all of us.

Dinner is ready. I'm starving, but so are my children. Of course, they come first. Both babies eat sitting up this time, which is an even bigger mess

Finally I can sit down and eat. Oh my Gosh! I'm so hungry!

After dinner, and a partial desert. My little boy is upset again. I pick him up to find that he has peed through his diaper. He's left the evidence on my shirt.

I undress him and take him upstairs to the bath. My mom brings up the other baby, and I have my nephew hop in too just for good measure. This, of course, means our bath time consists of, "No that's too rough! Play nice! Be soft!"

My husband and I get all the children bathed and lotion-ed.

I then head down two flights of stairs and grab pajamas for my boys- I didn't forget this time!

The boys are so tired so they cry the whole time I'm dressing them. I get them dressed I go downstairs, and I grab a blanket and cuddle with my big boy on the couch. I'm trying to put him to sleep, but in reality I'm the one falling asleep.

The boys go to bed and I can finally relax. I have not felt this exhausted in a long time.

The Unconventional Mom on Breastfeeding

OK, I know this is a very sensitive, political, controversial, up for opinions subject. But even so I've decided to try and write a post about it. But first I have to say a few thing:

-I am in no way trying to offend anyone. I have thought long and hard about how I can approach this without causing offense, and I hope I have found a way to do so.

-I am also not trying to say, "You should Breastfeed!" or "You should use formula!" I'm trying to say, "This is what worked for me and this is why."

That said, on with the post * * *

When it comes to tough pregnancy decisions for me attitude and personality seemed to be the icing on the cake. I'd research, I'd ask around, I'd try to find out all that I could, but in the end my husband and I would make a decision that we felt would work best for us, our family and our lifestyles.

Basically if I wanted something to work I'd make it work. For example:

I wanted a c-section. A vaginal birth is the easiest to recover from, but to me a c-section recovery didn't seem that much worse. I decided to ask around and do some research. I asked friends and family. I read books. I asked my doctor. I decided to at least try to deliver vaginally, but I still really just wanted a c-section. I had a c-section and I loved it!

Why? I'm sure a lot had to do with the talent of the doctor and the staff. The pain pills helped too. But I also enjoyed it a lot because of my attitude towards it. I never thought it sounded that bad, and so to me it wasn't ever that bad.

Now someone who thinks a c-section sounds just awful might take those things, that I said weren't that bad, and say they were part of what made a c-section so hard.

Not saying one is right and one is wrong. Just saying that different people like different things, and different things work better for different people.

Now I feel like this applies to breastfeeding as well.

There are women who have always wanted to breastfeed. They decided it was something that they really wanted to do. They want their babies to have the absolute best, and as we know breastfeeding is the absolute best. Not only that, they also probably feel that it will work best for them and their lifestyle.

And so they breastfeed. They work through the hard parts because to them it's worth it. It's what they have always wanted, and they know it's what they want for their baby. They make it work, and in the end they love it. To them it works wonderfully with their schedule, their life and their goals. And I have to say these woman have my respect and admiration! They did something hard that I couldn't do.

Here is how breastfeeding panned out for me.

First let me just say that I never really liked the idea of breastfeeding. Even when I was young. I don't think breastfeeding is bad or wrong. I just don't feel like it works for me and my personality. My friend had me slightly convinced when she told me that it helps you loose weight, but I still wasn't completely sold. As I got older I started to lean back towards using formula. I knew how to loose weight. I've been dieting most of my life. But breastfeeding takes a toll on your body that I didn't know how to fix.

When I got pregnant the battle raged on, "Should I just breastfeed? Everyone says that they love it and I probably would too. Plus it saves money. But I still just don't feel comfortable with the idea."

I read in all my pregnancy books and, of course, they all tell you to breastfeed. Most of them say to at least breastfeed for the first two weeks. So I thought, "OK then I'll breastfeed for the first two weeks and see if I like it."

Some people thought that was a lot of work to go through for just two weeks, but I was comfortable with that decision.

The boys were born, and I was still a little uncertain about what I wanted to do.

(One decision maker was when one of the nurses said, "You need to decide because you need to start pumping so you have enough milk for those boys!" Bah! I wish they would just let you do your own thing. They have to be so in your face. I'm the mom. I'll make sure the baby gets fed whether it be with formula or breast milk. And if I don't have enough breast milk then I will make some formula.)

Well I tried to breastfeed and it turned out that the boys were wonderful eaters. They latched right on, so I decided to try and take breastfeeding more seriously. I pumped. I latched them on. I supplemented with formula. But then my little boy ended up in the level 2 NICU because of low blood sugar. I decided just to give him formula because I wasn't sure if I had any milk yet(the boys had latched on, but it didn't seem like anything was coming out) and I didn't want him using up energy to eat if he wasn't going to get anything. When I did start to get a little milk from pumping I'd take it in for him to eat. Later I started to latch him on, and the breast milk really seem to help him a lot.

That was when I decided I'd just breastfeed. I actually really enjoyed it while I was in the hospital. I was excited about loosing all that weight and saving money.. .but then I got home.

Of course it was enjoyable at the hospital. I didn't have to cook meals, clean and take care of a house. Soon breastfeeding got so tedious. It took so long with two, and I never knew if they got enough to eat. If I cut them off they would cry. If I let them eat until they just stopped on their own they would projectile vomit it all up.

I tried to hang in their. I thought, "What if we need to save money later on? I'd better just hang on to my milk. Everyone says they have a hard time, but they end up really loving it. Maybe if I just get through the newborn stage I'll enjoy it more."

One night, after Craig had gone to work, I fed the boys and then decided to clean up the house. After a little tidying up I took the boys back to the bedroom, so we could all catch some "Z's" before the next feeding. Right as I put the boys into bed they started to cry.

They were hungry?!?! But I swear I had just finished feeding them!

I went from happy to hysterical in 0.5 seconds. I was crying. I was so sick of breastfeeding and latching them on and making sure they got enough food at each feeding. I was sick of how long it took. I just wanted to give them bottles. But if I just gave them bottles, even if the bottles had breast milk, the boys would become lazy and wouldn't want to latch onto me anymore.

I called Craig crying. I told him I didn't know what do it. My boys were in their crying. They wanted me. They wanted breast milk. I knew they liked it the best. But I couldn't do it, and it broke my heart. I was so torn. What should I do?

That night I decided I'd just pump and give them bottles. I'd latch them on every now and again. Since they were such wonderful eaters they always latched on like pros.

But soon pumping became tedious. And I slowly started to pump less and less. And, soon after I returned to work, my milk supply slowly diminished. I had made it to two months, and I was done.

Was I sad to be done?

At first, yes I was.

Do I regret stopping?

No, I don't.

This was a very long winded story, but my main point was this. I was never going to like breastfeeding. The idea just never seemed to work for me. I tried, but, lets face it, I never wanted to like it or do it.

Those things, that may not seem so bad to mothers who always knew they wanted to breastfeed, were just further proof to me of why I didn't want to do it.

I made a decision that I felt worked best for me and my babies. My cousin told me, "Do whatever you need to do to enjoy your baby." And that's what I did. I didn't want to loose this time with them. I wanted to enjoy every second I could. I didn't want to spend the first 6 months to a year full of anger and disdain. I wanted to try and make things as easy as they possibly could be, and for me formula was the easiest way to feed them.

Here are a few reasons Why I use formula (These are all personal preference):

- The difference between breastfed babies and formula fed isn't so incredibly great that I thought breastfeeding had to be an absolute. I mean when you walk down the street you can't just point out those people who were fed formula when they babies.

- I'm kind of hyper and I didn't like to just sit. Some people enjoy the excuse to just sit and not do anything, but it drove me crazy. I just sat and thought about all the stuff I had to do, and I would get so anxious.

- I enjoy that I don't have to be the one that feeds them. I can hand them off to my husband or a family member. When I was breastfeeding I'd miss a feeding and just have someone give them formula, but then I would be in so much pain! Missing feedings never seemed to work well for me.

- I like the certainty of formula. I'd give them so many ounces a feeding, and if they got hungry sooner then normal I'd just add an ounce or two. To me that was easy to figure out and work with.

- I know this stage soon ends, but I'm a very private person and I was tired of playing with blankets. I'd be somewhere with people so I'd throw a blanket over me. I'd then get all adjusted and slip the blanket over my head and latch the baby on. After ten minutes they'd come off, and I'd have to throw the blanket back over my head and latch them on again. I know some women can just whip it out and they don't give a second thought to if they are showing or if someone sees. But I am not one of those woman. I don't like to be naked when I'm alone. And I most certainly don't like to be naked in front of people.

Another reason I wanted to write this post is for all those women who may be thinking of using formula. Lets face it, it's easy to find people who will agree with your decision to breastfeed. It's not easy to find people who will understand why you would want to use formula. I've been in certain circles where people got so defensive when I told them I wanted to use formula you would have thought that I was talking about feeding their baby and not my own.

So if there are those of you out there that want to use formula here are just a few things I've learned.

- If you are going out somewhere take a water bottle. Not one that's been in the fridge but one that is room temperature. The temp should be just right and you won't have to worry about being stuck somewhere without water to put in the bottle.

- I'm sure everyone knows this. I like to pre-measure. I get a bottle out, put the scoops in and then I just have to add water. I'm sure you have also seen the containers that have dividers. I always keep two of those on hand and I try to always make sure they are full.

- Always take food with you. Even if you think you'll be back before the next feeding.

- Even though the package says to discard any unused formula you can refrigerate it and use it later. I'm sure most of you know this too. I try to use it within 24 hours, and I try to get the bottle in the fridge within an hour after a feeding. Sometimes, when I'm away from home, I'll leave them out for longer. As long as it stays with me and at a reasonable temp I'm fine using it again. I've even popped it back in there mouth if they start crying. Using formula this way has never made my boys noticeably sick or ill.

I hope I didn't offend anyone with this post. It really was not my intent. I just wanted to share my experience with everyone, and hopeful I did it in a semi tactful way ;)

Twin Discount

For those of you who have twins, are having twins or know someone with twins:

Some stores offer twin discounts on the big purchase items like: car seats, cribs, strollers etc, and possibly on swings and other big toys(I'm not totally sure on that one)

The stores we have found so far that have this discount are: Burlington and Babies R Us.

We never really purchased anything from Babies R Us because we figured that, even with the discount, Wal-Mart would be cheaper.

We instead bought our things at Burlington because their prices are about the same as Wal-Mart's (sometimes less) and plus you get the discount.

We haven't really used it a lot because the only big purchase item we had to get two of were the car seats. Unfortunately we didn't get a discount on the stroller, even though it's a duo glide, because we only bought one :P

Anyway. . .thought I'd pass this info along.

How to Fix a Fried Post Pregnancy Brain

They may be cute, but these two sucked the life out of me.

For a while now I have not felt that good. I'm sure that comes as no surprise. There's the norm that you'd expect from a mother of twins:

-Fatigue
-Headaches
-Overworked
-Stressed

But there were a few things that I thought were a little out of the norm. Could pregnancy really be the only answer? I'd climb stairs and when I reached the top I'd be dizzy and feel like I was going to pass out. Bending and twisting to give the boys a bath would completely exhaust me. I was always tired even after my wonderful hubby would let me sleep in. It was like I was running on auto pilot. I couldn't even put energy and concentration into singing (I know that sounds weird, but I love to sing in the shower and when I'm alone in the car and I couldn't do it anymore).

Then one night I went out running and on my way back home something strange happened. It was like my mind got tired and just shut off all communication to my feet. I know that sounds crazy but that's really how it felt. My foot rolled a little- don't worry I didn't fall- and I suddenly realized something. Maybe during pregnancy my mind had gotten lazy.

You see normally I'm a gung-ho, endure to the end, army boot camp woman when it comes to attaining certain goals. I think it stems from being compulsive and a little stubborn. If I set a short term goal, like doing 100 sit ups before I go to bed, then I will do sit ups until I reach 100. And if I can't reach 100 I will do them until I absolutely cannot do sit ups anymore- to bad I can't apply this to long term goals.

Well during pregnancy this mind set kind of went out the window. I didn't push myself at all- except with work I worked right up till the end of February like I had planned. So I thought that maybe since my mind had gotten used to not being pushed it had grown lazy and sloppy.

Well I explained this all to my mother one morning while we were walking, and she gave me the real answer to my problem. She said that she had heard about an article that said you brain needs this oil, and pregnancy just sucks that oil right out. So she told me to start taking Omega 3 Fish Oil. I have to tell you I can't believe how much better I feel. I actually feel normal. I can walk upstairs! I can run! I can even sing again! I was truly amazed at the effect, so I had to let everyone know how wonderful Omega 3 Fish Oil is.

If you're feeling a little low it just might help. Yeah, I know, I sound a little like an infomercial. Really, though, you should try it.

An Unconventional Mom: I had a C-Section and I LOVED IT!

I just watched a clip about a 19 lb baby born in Indonesia. The baby was delivered by c-section- I'm sure that was a must- and it reminded me that I've been meaning to post about c-sections. I have put it off mostly because there seems to be a lot of politics behind c-sections. I will try to handle the subject delicately ;)

My mom had all her babies by c-section, so I kind of grew up with the idea my whole life. I never once assumed that what happened to my mom was a wrong doing, or that the doctors had just sent her in for a c-section because they didn't want to deal with a long labor. But then I got older I discovered c-sections were high on the controversial pregnancy list.

Here's my mom's story-

With her first baby she went into labor. I don't know how long she was in labor, but the baby wasn't descending and I believe that he was under stress. So they took her in for a c-section.

For her second pregnancy her doctor said that she could try to go naturally, but that he didn't think her hips were wide enough to get a baby out. It would be like trying to put a square peg through a round whole. She said she'd just rather schedule a c-section, and she did the same with me.

She later told me that some women gave her some heat for making this decision. They told her she should have tried to go vaginally with her other babies.

***

As I got closer to marrying and baby baring age I started to realize that my gene pool might require me to have my babies by c-section as well. So I just got used to the idea.

Here's my story-

I wasn't sure how my labor and delivery would go, but I was assuming that a c-section might be in the picture. I went to the doctor and he said that my pelvis was great for delivering babies. But I still had this feeling that a c-section might take place. And I also had to take into consideration that there was a chance that, since I was having twins, I would end up with both a vaginal delivery and a c-section. I decided to ask around.

I asked people who had only delivered by c-section. They all told me that it wasn't that bad at all.

I asked people who had delivered vaginally and by c-section. I heard both "Don't get a c-section," and "Definitely go for the c-section."

I asked a friend who had gone into labor naturally, been induced and just had a scheduled c-section. She said she didn't really know which she preferred and all had their pros and cons. She said neither way seemed better then the other.

I discussed the idea with my doctor, and he told me that I could have a c-section since I was pregnant with twins, but he really wanted me to try and deliver them vaginally.

Well on the day I was induced I wouldn't dilate, and the babies were stressed, so I went in for a c-section. I feel I have to make one thing clear here, my doctor is not one to just hand out c-sections. The nurses told me he was the most patient doctor they knew. He once waited 3 days for a girl to deliver vaginally. So when he wanted to take me in for a c-section I figured it really was the best option. And to tell you the truth, I really wasn't that disappointed.

The Recovery-

My recovery went very smoothly. I often times forgot to take my pain pills- I could have one every 4 hours, and I think I took one about every 6-8 hours. By the time I felt ready to take a pain pill the pain felt compared to the pain of a tired sore muscle.

The first day was really hard. I had to get out of bed at least once, and it did hurt. But the next day I felt even better. I could walk if I took baby steps. By the third day I was walking normal. It was still hard to sit up. It took about a week, maybe two, until I could sit up normally. The hospital beds helped wonderfully for this stage, and when I got home, I propped myself up with a lot of pillows.

The Scar-

My doctor did an amazing job sewing me up. You can't even tell there's a scar. Whatever scar is left is camouflaged by all the stretch marks.

That's another reason a c-section didn't bother me. My stomach was already destroyed from pregnancy.

***

I know that a lot of people feel that c-sections are just handed out because doctors are lazy. But that would make lazy doctors the problem wouldn't it?

My grandma told me that while she was in labor with her first she heard the doctor say to the nurse, "Give that woman something so that she doesn't deliver tonight. I want to go home." So they gave my grandma something to slow her labor and she didn't deliver until the next morning. She didn't end up with a c-section, but her doctor didn't have her best interests in mind. Bad and lazy doctors are always going to be bad and lazy whether they are handing out c-sections or not.

OK, this post is probably getting a little heated. So I'll try to wrap it up.

My intent is not to try and encourage woman to have c-sections over delivering vaginally. The chose is yours. For some people a c-section wouldn't be the best option. And I know that women have had c-sections and hated them. I mostly wanted to write this post so that woman who have to have a c-section, or are afraid they might end up with a c-section, know that it's not something to be afraid of.

My c-section was great. In fact I feel like I got off easy. I didn't have to push, or do anything. The doctor did all the work. My recovery went great. I don't know if my recovery was normal, or if I was really lucky to have such a good recovery. I do tend to recover well from certain things. The only other major surgery I've had was getting my wisdom teeth pulled, but I did recover very well from that. I didn't swell up and I was eating pasta the next day.

Anyway. . .back to the subject at hand. I loved my c-section. I know all women don't, but I did ;)

Stroller Falls and Babies go Boom!

I recently decided to quit work and stay home with the boys. And since I'm staying home, and we're living with my parents, I decided to earn my keep by getting my Nephew ready and walking him to kindergarten.



Well last Thursday, upon returning home, I decided to pull the stroller into the house since the boys had fallen asleep and I wanted them to stay that way. We have a huge stroller- as you can imagine- and, instead of asking my mom for help, I decided to try and wheel it in by myself. I took it up the steps front, back, front, back, I then got out my keys, unlocked the door and went inside to set stuff down. I turned around to get the stroller, but it was too late. My parents steps are round and apparently one of the wheels did not make it on the top step all the way. Slowly the stroller started to lean and, before my mind could totally compute what was wrong with this scenario, the stroller fell and tumbled down the steps. There are only two or three steps so it wasn't a huge fall, but my heart stopped. My life flashed before my eyes. Their lives flashed before my eyes, and I ran out to see what the damage was. Both boys were crying, of course,- so much for that staying asleep thing- so I took them inside and showered them with kisses. They both had bumps on their heads, but everything else seemed fine, and within minutes they returned to their happy normal selves.



I gave them both Tylenol and fed them a bottle. My hope was that they would just go to back to sleep. Well my little boy started to cry hysterically. And, while I'm trying to give him attention, his brother started to moan for some love. I called my mom to ask if she could come home and give me a hand. She had left for work about an hour ago, but luckily her work is only 10 minutes away. She came home and, as always, the boys calmed right down and acted as happy as could be :P


We got the situation under control, but I was pretty shook up. When these situations happen- falls, bumps, sick babies, etc.- I always get slightly disappointed that I can't handle it better, or that I don't have better judgment as a mother. I always have a raging battle going on in my mind: "Should I take them in? They're probably fine. They're acting a little weird? No, look they're smiling. Is this something serious? Maybe I should just take them in."

I never know what to do, and it simply drives me crazy. I don't want to be a hysterical and frantic mom, but I sure feel that way sometimes.

Moving is a Whole Different Story When You Have Two Babies Instead of None

Towards the end of August I started working, the boys went to a sitter and we had to move out of our apartment. As you can imagine it was so much fun!

Craig and I are moving pro's. We've moved a combined total of 12 times since we've met. But moving with babies is a lot more difficult.

Here are a few things that made this move hard:

- I had just started back at work
- We have twins.
- We moved to my parents house, so more stuff had to actually be packed so it could go into storage- as opposed to other moves where we could just throw random stuff in the car.
- We have twins
- Having twins has caused us to also have more stuff- imagine that :)
- Oh yeah, we have twins ;)

I have to say two babies does not an easy move make. I felt like crying most of the time, and I think I did cry a lot of the time. Not only did we have to pack up the house, we had to pack of the boys, their toys and their food, so that we could go pack up the house. And, of course, I never packed enough food because I was always thinking, "Oh I'll be home before. . ., so I just need to pack. . ." And then of course the boys needed attention even though I packed them every toy imaginable.

Well at least it's done and over with. Now we just need to move one more time into our house come mid October. Hopefully this one will be smoother since everything is already packed.

More on Crying Babies

So one of my boys is sick and, even though its just the one, I find my heart breaking when either of them cry. I think it's part of trying to be equal and fair to both of them. This is one time I find it incredibly hard to leave my babies all alone crying in their crib.

It kind of gives me comfort because it lets me know that I won't be frustrated and angry when I have to stay up all night with a sick little baby- which is how I thought the scenario would play out until this weekend. Instead of being irritated and resentful I give little thought to me getting sleep and more to comforting my little boys.

It's good for me to know as a mom!

Growing up in a Small Family

I've been asked several times how I felt about growing up in a small family, and I have to say, "I loved it!"

My favorite thing about my family is that we have all stayed very close together. We all live close by, and we all attend every little event we have. We're always there for weddings, parties, baby blessings, church talks, etc. We are all very involved in each others lives.

I'm not saying this doesn't happen when you have a big family. Just saying that this is how my family is.

I will admit, that when I was little, I wanted a little sister. But now I know I couldn't have shared my Dad with anyone. I am a huge Daddy's girl, and I love being the only girl in the family for that reason.

I've also found that my family talks a lot. I didn't really notice how much we talk until Craig pointed it out to me.

I'm not sure if this is all because my family has stayed small, but I really have enjoyed being in a small family. I don't feel like I missed out on anything :)

More from the Unconventional mom: Babies are a Cryin, But Momma *Tries* not to Care

Once again I'm a bit unconventional. My boys cries have never broken my heart. Unless I know they are actually hurt or in pain.



For weeks big H went through his stage. He would cry and cry and cry. . .and cry before finally falling asleep for afternoon nap time. And I'd just let him. I'd turn on some fans and put the cooler on high when it would start to get on my nerves, but it never bothered me so much that I had to go in and do something about it.

Now big H goes down peacefully for his naps- for the most part.



Now little H is going through the phase. He usually exemplifies phases -for better or for worse- when compared to his brother. And boy does he exemplify this one. He screams and screams and screams and screams. . .and screams some more. Then you go put the binky in, hoping that he's worn out enough to fall asleep, and he just screams and screams and screams some more.

I don't know if my patience is worn because I've already gone through this phase with his brother, or if little H's determination is too much for me to handle. I find my nerves standing on edge, and I finally go in there and rock the naughty little boy to sleep.

I hope I can survive this so the little H can go down for naps like his brother does now.

An Unconventional Mom on Going Back to Work

I kind of consider myself to be a little bit of an unconventional mom. I mostly figure this because I don't tend to be as self sacrificing as most moms. I've been this way throughout pregnancy- it was really hard for me to sacrifice my physical appearance and well being for those babies. And I'm still that way- I'll be sharing more and more of the ways I find myself to be a little unconventional.

One of the ways I thought I would be an unconventional mom was work. I thought I would love to be a working mom. I thought it would be great because I'd miss my kids and I'd spend more quality time with them. And it does do that. I find myself to be so happy and loving with my babies when I come home. I play with them, laugh with them and just have a wonderful time. But even with that I still find myself wanting to stay home.

Some of the reasons I want to stay home probably fall under the conventional category:

1. There's so much to be done at home. It's already a full time job

2. I don't want to miss the wonderful moments like: first word, first step, etc.

3. If my boys spend 7 hours a day, 4-5 days a week with a sitter then am I really the one raising them?

But some of the reasons are a little unconventional. For example:

1. It's hard- especially with twins- to ask someone to watch them. There are certain things as a mom I'm fine doing like: letting them cry, or sitting through a horrible feeding just to make sure they get the foods they need. But when I'm paying someone five dollars an hour I just can't ask it of them. I don't find myself wanting to stay home because I think they need me, but because I hate to ask someone to take the burden of watching twins upon themselves.

2. Everything just worked so well when I was home. I had a schedule down. I had dishes and laundry down. I don't necessarily enjoy staying home, but it just worked, and now I don't want to have to rearrange and change things.

Even with the above stated, I did return to work this last week. It was one of the hardest things I had to do. I never thought it would be that way. And it's strange because the boys can really drive me crazy day to day, and I get really tired of the routine. These are the reasons I wanted to keep working, but I still find myself not wanting to go to work.

I'm really torn because I don't know if me going to work is necessary. I know we would be along the lines of "OK" with just Craig working, and I would stay on as a sub and pick up shifts here and there (which actually sounds perfect to me), but I still just get this nervous knot in my stomach when I think of calling if quits. That may be partly because I hate being a quitter.

I just can't decide which is a bigger emotion: the one that says,"Just quit! You'll be fine," or the one that says, "Don't be a quitter! You can do this. Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger."

I guess I should pray about it.

Baby Products

Bath Mat from "The First Years"



You may have noticed this blue mat in some of our bath time photos. This has been the best way I've found to bathe my two little boys, and it was also great during pregnancy.

When the boys were newborns we either bathed them in those little tubs form the hospital, or we just got in the bath with them. But as they have gotten bigger I found that this mat works wonderfully. I just put it in the bottom of the tub, fill the water up so it's just a little below their ears and I can bathe my two little buggers all by myself. Until it's time to get them out. Then it gets a little tricky.

I also used this while I was pregnant. In fact that's why we bought it. I wanted to sit in the shower and put my back up against the rear of the tub. But when I tried to do this I would slide forward, and the back of the tub was always cold. I would use towels, but I got tired of washing them. So we found this mat in Burlington one day, and I found it to be the perfect solution. It holds you in place and has a nice cushion for your back.

I've found out recently when I bathe the boys without this mat they kick each other- sometimes in the head and sometimes below the belt. This usually results in two hysterical babies. The mat seems to prevent this problem.

If you end up getting one of your own make sure you don't put too much water in the tub. This can make things a little inconvenient.



I'm sure you all know about the Bumbo, but I had to write just a little bit about it.

We weren't going to get one because they seemed too expensive, but my mom finally bought us one because our big little boy's head was getting flat. I have to say, "I LOVE it!" Had I known how wonderful it would be to have one I would have paid the money a long time ago.

No Regrets!

I was watching the Mike and Juliet show and one of their guests said something along these lines, People ask me if I have regrets and I tell them, "No." Everything I did helped make me who I am today and I don't regret that.

That's not word for word, but the idea is still there. That just really struck me so I thought I'd share.

I have done things in my past that I wish I could just erase, but those things have also given me an understanding that I may not have if I had not done those things.

I know it's hard to keep in perspective, but your past is your past, and you can't change it. You can only move on and try to improve yourself and enlighten others by sharing what you've learned.

This quote was a good reminder for me. Hope you guys enjoy it too!

Warning: Traveling with Twins may Cause Temporary Insanity

I love my boys more than life itself, but traveling with them causes my maternal instincts to fly out the window- along with my patience.

We took a trip with the boys when they were only a month old. And it was much easier back then than it is now.

We recently went on two trips to visit family.

Our first trip was to Colorado to see my Aunt. This was a couple weekends ago. We were so young and naive back then. We thought they would sleep the whole way, and everything would be happy and pleasant. We realized this would not be so.

We were halfway there when the boys started to cry, and I had to pretend to be a contortionist as I climbed to the back seat. I proceeded to make the boys cereal, but I had forgotten the key ingredient: Apple Juice. I tried just water but my sweet toothed boys would not accept. It only upset them further. We then stopped at a lone gas station and purchased some juice, but it was too late. They were hysterical now, and spit out whatever I put into their mouths.

This story ends with a frustrated mommy throwing a cereal soaked burp rag at the window (I guess at least it wasn't out the window. Except now I have to clean the window).

We finally reached our destination. Time for some rest right? Wrong! We fed the boys and put them to bed, or so we thought. We were up all night, tending to each boy, trying to find ways to make them comfortable.

Things got better as the trip went on. We got more sleep, but sleeping in the same room as your kids does not equal rest for you. Every sound they make puts you on edge in hopes that they won't continue and force you to get out of bed. So even if they sleep peacefully, with little calming sighs here and there, you have a very restless night.

As I said, the rest of the trip was fine. Until the drive home. Mommy had performed her contortionist act so many times she'd completely given up and just stayed in the back. The boys still cried.

I made cereal- with Apple Juice- but that didn't help. So we stopped and got water for the bottles. We fed them and I went in to use the bathroom, and to throw away the liners. Well the bathrooms were locked because they are for "Paying Customers only," and, even though we had bought a water bottle there, I saw no one around that could give me a key. I also saw no garbage can, so- me being upset- just threw the liners on the counter. I've always hated that "Paying Customers only" rule!

Well we continued to drive home, but the boys were still not content. They cried the whole way. Halfway down the canyon, I just started to cry myself out of pure frustration. I cried again when we hit a traffic jam on the freeway. Seriously, the only thing that kept me from getting out of the car and walking was the fact that it was dark outside. Otherwise, I think I would have just done it.

Well I recovered and regathered myself, and we took a trip the next weekend to visit Craig's family. This time we left late at night, so the boys would sleep. It went a lot smoother that way. Even though we were exhausted and, once again, had to face the fact that we would be sharing a room with the boys. And, once again, we would not be getting any rest.

Things went alright until I went shopping, by myself, with the boys (it just doesn't work when you don't have a home to go to). I took the boys to Kohls. My big little boy would not sit in his car seat without crying. So I carried him in one hand and pushed his brother with the other. After looking at the baby clothes I decided to search for some new shirts for myself.

This story ends with a half dressed, frustrated mommy whisper screaming in the dressing room as her big little boy lets out that high pitched, loud, scream cry of his. I was trying to tend to both boys while I got dressed, but not while I tried to keep my cool because I had totally lost it. It was then that I noticed that one of our over-the-shoulder baby carriers was in the basket of the stroller. I put my big little boy in this and he finally fell asleep. Had I seen this carrier in the first place everything could have been prevented. I rushed out of the store, and called my sister-in-law to relieve some stress.

The worst thing about traveling with babies is that, when they start to cry, you can't just shut the door and walk away while you recover your energy- and sanity.

I wish we lived in a more trusting world. If we did, and I ever saw a mom, in the same state that I was in, I would offer to help. I still think I'll try. There's nothing worse that being stuck in that position.

A Quick Note

I just had to post this.

While I was writing my last post my big little boy fell off the couch, again. I ran over to attend to the crying baby and discovered that his PJ's are wet. Of course, they are wet. I had forgotten to change his diaper and is was probably so full it was starting to leak. Well I lay him on the couch, open his PJ's and discover that he has pooped and most of it has ended up in his jammys instead of his diaper. I then promptly take the child to the bathroom and commence in undressing him. I go to take off his diaper and my now hysterical child starts peeing on me. I put him in the tub and while sitting him up, to scrub his back, I bonk his head. After we're all done with washing I take him out of the tub and put a fresh, clean diaper on him. He is still a little fussy, so I hold him while I proofread my last post. That is when my lovely child decides to burp and spit up all over me.



Luckily I hadn't taken my shower yet ;)

P.S. Kohls has summer baby clothes on clearance for 60-80% off.

Ever Get the Feeling That You're Trapped?

I know this may come as a shock to some, but my marriage is far from perfect ;) Yes it's true we fight, and, yes its true, we often fight about the same thing over and over again. And that thing we fight about over and over again is usually communication and the lack thereof. I can't even tell you how many fights have been about this: "I need you to talk to me. I need you to let me know where you are going so I can make a plan."

And yet still the problem arises.

Our most recent one happened just this week, and I was hysterical. There I was about to sit down to dinner with my husband, I thought, and I turn around and he's gone. After waiting only a few minutes I just started to eat alone. Well then the babies start crying. I'm trying to keep things under control, but, lets face it, we spend all day with our children and when our husbands come home we're hoping for a little relief. At least I am. I'm always thinking, "Finally someone to talk to, to help me feed them, and maybe now I won't have to change every poopy diaper."

Well I start to lose it. I feel so unbelievably trapped. I'm stuck here with two babies crying and I'm in no condition to go back and comfort them. I have no idea when I can be relieved, and I have no idea where my husband is. All the while I'm thinking in my head, "We've talked about this so many times, and yet here I am at the beginnings of yet another argument."

And that is when I started feeling a little hurt.

Now in Craig's defense we manage apartments, and he isn't just taking off to go goof around with friends down the way. He is actually doing work, but I just still would like to know where he is going and why.

In the end we resolved everything, and I called my friend the next day and we talked a little. And something wonderful happened. I felt refreshed and happy again.

She told me to set aside one night a week to just go out, baby free and have some "me" time. I'm sitting here thinking, "Of course, why didn't I think of that? I mean here I am just talking to another woman, and I already feel so much better and so much happier."

I then remembered back to when I was pregnant and it was absolutely necessary that I hang out with women at least once a week, or else I would loose my mind.

I don't know why we, as mothers, don't just take that "me" time. I guess we just figure we should love being a mother all the time, so we just stick it out in hopes that we can learn to totally and completely love it.

Well I decided to established a "girls night out" with my mom and sister-in-law. If anyone wants to join us you are more then welcome. I think this will help me love being a mom even more.