Welcome to the World!

There's never a time in your life when you receive more advice then when you're expecting a child. And apparently the advice giving doesn't fade after you've already successfully had one child- or two for that matter. I was starting to feel as though people didn't count twins as really having a baby. They would keep saying, "Well you had twins so you can try it again with one." And I'm thinking, "I've had twins so I know twice as well what I do and don't want."

Well it wasn't too long ago that a realization came to me. People are eager to suggest and say what they feel you should do because their experience with it was so wonderful and special- or perhaps the opposite- that they want you to share in it too- or avoid it if you can. Though they might not agree with the path you choose they are not going to end their relationship with you simply because you chose a different path- most the time at least.

I say this because a week ago I made the decision to have another c-section. I, of course, had been told countless times not too and I was worried that had I not attempted once more to have a vaginal birth that I would be hearing about it from people for the rest of my life. My mom had to battle with this. One man that she worked with even stopped talking to her completely because she just got a c-section with her second child instead of trying for a vaginal birth. I told the doctor it was one of my worries and he said I could blame it on him if I wanted to. But as I was struggling with the decision, and slowly getting more and more unhappy I started to realize that I had to decide what was important to me. My friends and family had given me advice based on what was important and special to them, but is what was special to them going to be something I wanted, and needed, for myself. It was with that thought that I turned to my husband and said, "It's only worth continuing on in this state if you really want that vaginal birth right?"

"Yeah!" He replied.

"So if it just doesn't seem worth it to me then there's no point in me going on right? It doesn't make me a wimp or a coward? It just means I have different needs and wants as a mother."

With that I felt good and happy with the idea of having another c-section. It felt like a big weight was lifted off my shoulders and I wasn't so depressed or anxious anymore.

We went to the doctor on Monday and I found out that I was still only dilated to a fingertip. That's what I had been since week 37. But it didn't upset or frustrate me, it just made me feel even more secure about my decision to have a c-section.

The doctor did an ultra sound to make sure we didn't have to get me in sooner then not. We found my fluid was on the low side, but not the scary side, and that the baby was measuring 2 weeks small. But the doctor didn't seem worried about it, and we scheduled a c-section for Wednesday morning.

It was so nice to get everything in order before the baby came. We cleaned the whole house, packed all our bags and arranged babysitting for the boys.

We went in Wednesday morning at 6:15. After getting an IV, and being asked a million questions, I was walked back to the OR to get a spinal. A spinal is like an epidural, but the medicine is even stronger so you feel even less. My husband couldn't be there while they put in the spinal, which was really unfortunate because it hurt way more then my epidural did. It stressed me out a little that the nurses had to calm me down. But soon my husband joined me. I was so happy to see him I could have cried. I didn't feel anything as they cut the baby out, and it was so wonderful to hear that first feisty cry. He sounded like such an angry baby, but it was still so wonderful to welcome him to the world.




My husband took some pictures, and I was shocked to see how different he was. Then they let my husband hold him by my head for a little bit. I looked him over and over then turned to my husband and said, "He's not as cute as the twins."

Luckily the swelling went down and soon I recognized my beautiful baby boy. And he is just as adorably cute as the twins were.

I had told the nurses that I was bottle feeding, and I have to say I loved it. It was so much more relaxing, and easy. I was bothered a lot less, and I just felt good knowing what I was doing instead of latching on here, pumping there and bottles everywhere.

He was 6 lbs, 15 oz and 19 inches of sweetness. He was small, but healthy. No Jaundice and no level 2 NICU.

I would get really nauseated off and on that first day from the spinal, and I threw up once, but the second c-section still seemed to go much better. Not going through labor seemed to help a lot with the recovery. I also think it helped that I had been there and had a better idea of what I was capable off. It's now Sunday and I'm feeling really really good.

We came home Friday, and I was so engorged I couldn't wait to pull out the pump. My plan is to pump here and there, and just slowly ween off so I don't have to get engorged and be in a lot of pain.

My parents are still taking care of the twins. I miss them terribly but I know I'm not ready to take care of them yet. It does make it hard to have two little boys who want my attention and I can't fully give it to them. But I figure in a week or two I'll be well enough to play and have fun with them. Had I stayed pregnant I probably would have gone to week 41, and they probably would have had to induce me. That would have left me pregnant for these two weeks meaning I wasn't fully capable of being a good mom anyway. And then I could have ended up with another c-section which means the boys would have been without a full time mom for two more weeks after that. So I figure my decision was still a good one.

So Much to Say. . .

. . .so little time- or patience.

My mind runs a mile a minute. Until this baby comes out I'm afraid I can't do very well at keeping my thoughts organized. It seems that the one thing that occupies my mind most is the one thing I have no control over: going into labor.

I always have endless blog posts, and facebook status updates, running through my brain. But actually typing them up and posting them doesn't seem to be happening. This could be good for the most part because sometimes my thoughts are rather dreary, negative and depressing.

Here are a few of the thoughts I wanted to make actual posts, but this will have to do.

*I have had such a rough time this last week or so. I've now been pregnant for a week longer then I was with the twins, and I seem to be entering a new form of depression. I was so frustrated with my body last week that I actually stayed up one night and just cried about it. It seems all my body is capable of doing is having irregular contractions that can be painful and annoying. I looked it up and it turns out there are quite a few women who deal with this, and I took comfort in their thoughts and comments. They do little to help me progress. There's no way to stop them. And, even though some suggest walking or other means, there's no way to turn them into regular productive contractions. When I get real contractions that I can tell are actually doing something they almost feel good. But they are usually short lived.



*The above experience led me to get even angrier about unsatisfying doctor's visits. They seriously spend about 5 minutes with me. And all I can do is sit there thinking, "If everything is always OK and always going well then why on Earth must I come here so often?" I know I should be thankful for my trouble free pregnancies, but truth be told they can be very frustrating in their own way. Anyway. . .I let my feminist side dominate me for a day or two and I went on and on about how male doctors understand little about how horrible pregnancy can be. The baby is healthy, so what do they care what pain you're feeling? Just buck it up and deal. You're pregnant what do you expect? Only call me if you see blood or your water breaks. And so on and so forth. I've thought that maybe I need to switch doctors if we decide to have another baby in the future.

*I spoke too soon because it was only a few days later that I met again with my doctor, and he was trying so hard to find ways he could get me in the hospital and get me induced. He was incredibly sympathetic, and all I could think was, "Finally!" We were about to set up an inducement for next Wednesday, but it turns out I don't qualify for induction until week 41. When you have a c-section with one you have the option to go c-section or VBAC. The choice is totally yours. I actually have to sign a consent form stating which I choose to do, and there are quite a few risks either way. But when you have a c-section with one the option to be induced goes out the window the next pregnancy. Now my options are get a c-section, wait for labor or be induced at week 41. But the sympathetic doctor did prescribe me some pain meds for my hips, which can hurt so bad from irregular contractions that I'm left limping through the house. I gladly took the prescription, and I'm now painstakingly- at least it's just in a mental sense- waiting for next weeks appointment to see if there is any progression.

On to other thoughts that I wanted to blog about. . .

*I have been finding feeding time to be way more successful lately. The only thing ending up on my floor now, the majority of the time, are empty dishes and spoons. For breakfast I have found that the boys love cereal, like Kix or Rice Chex, with sugar on top. Though I know this isn't totally ideal, and healthy, I still think the benefits outweigh the little amount of sweetener I sprinkle on top.



*I discovered that they have a fondness for Nutrigrain bars. These make for great meals on the go.

*I have also found that having our meals together, in the same room, at the same table, makes a huge difference in how well they eat. They are asking for all sorts of different foods now. As long as mom and dad have it on their plate the boys think it looks rather tasty.

*We've been getting corn on the cob lately from family members gardens, and I was shocked to find my boys love it. In fact, they actually started eating it off the cob last night. I was blown away.



*We've made a discovery in the cloth diaper world. We bought shammies- used to dry cars- and cut them up to fit into a diaper. They are now part of our over night protection program. They allow us to take out some of the bulk, and they have worked great so far. One little boy need two shammies to get through a night, but I've still been happy with them. Their diapers are still on the bulky side, which allows me a little giggle each night.

I've also been brainstorming holding cloth diaper get togethers. Sort of like selling Tupperware. I could have some product on hand, and show women interested in cloth diapers how to use them, and little tricks I've discovered. It will probably never happen, but it gives me something to think about and brainstorm.



OK so totally random post I know, but I do feel a little better now. I just hope I can get this baby out without being too insanely negative on here. Though I might be pretty close to an emotional break down. In fact, I might have already had one if I felt I had the energy to cry.