What I'd Miss

I was thinking the other day about how hard it is to have 3 children, under the age of two, in the family. And I thought to myself, "I really can't think of any advantage to this."

Or can I?

I was changing one of the twins diapers, and the baby spit up, so I asked my little boy to go wipe up the baby while I finished with his brother. I beheld the sweetest sight in the world. Not only was he gentle, but he wiped up all the spit up- even what landed on the baby's arm. It truly amazed me!

There's a certain sweetness that comes from watching how mature a 20 month old child can be. It just amazes me to see what they are capable of. They rock the baby's car seat when he cries. The other day the baby was crying in his bassinet and one of the twins went in the room and patted him on the head. One night they played with the baby while he was in the swing. The pushed the swing way up, the baby would smile and the twins would smile back. It was so sweet to see three brother's so delighted with making each other smile. Then there was the night I was patting the baby's back to try and make him feel better, and one of the twins started to pat with me. It was just so cute.

The twins are both so attentive and good with their little brother. They always check on him when he cries, and they love to see him smile. Raising three children, under the age of 2, is an extremely difficult and trying time, but it's also wonderful in it's own way. If I could go back and change it I don't think I would.

Be on Your Best Behavior!

I have to admit I have not been on my best behavior lately. We finally got over the mountain of the baby's indigestion issues- gas drops and heart burn medicine seem to be working well- but then he started having bad days again. This did not make me too happy. I feel bad because he doesn't feel good. And then I feel bad for loosing my temper with him. I know he's not trying to make me angry but sometimes he hits this nerve just right and all my patience flies out the window.

Two days ago was a terrible day. He cried when I burped him, he cried when I fed him and he cried pretty much all through out the day. I know it's ridiculous to yell at a newborn, but sometimes I feel like sticking my fingers in my ears and yelling, "SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP! " OK so maybe I don't always just feel like it I actually do it. I don't think I'm actually yelling at him. I think I'm just trying to find an outlet for all the emotions that are knotting up in my stomach. But that's not what I feel terrible about. The worst thing that happened was when I went to pick him up to burp him. I had to stop myself. If I picked him up I felt like, at that moment, I might hurt him. I've never been that angry before. I've been on the brink of being that angry. I've been scared of getting that angry, but I've never actually been that angry. I guess at least I was smart enough to stop myself.



So, evidently, I've been fighting a kidney infection for all week. This has caused me to be in a lot of pain, so much pain I wanted to just cry sometimes. Then to accompany that pain there are severe chills and shakes. I could hardly function when those came on. Then to top it all off I get a fever and night sweats. Those leave me soaked in the morning. Being sick definitely means that I can't give 100% to my kids, but I don't want it to be an excuse. I need to learn to just walk outside and take a break. Leave the crying baby in the crib and just take a break. I did it once and it actually felt really good. I felt really in control of myself, which is what I want to be.

I finally went to the Doctor to get treated for the infection- I thought I just hurt because my hips were out of place or something. Who knew my pain could actually be treated? The baby is doing much better now. We found a better way to give him his heartburn meds and that really seemed to help.

Having three kids is hard. I've heard that the third is always a real eye opener. It's so hard that when any of us aren't feeling good I get this horrible despairing feeling. I can barely handle the kids when we are healthy and happy. Just the mere though of having to handle something else on top of that just makes me want to cry.



On a different note, my husband has been hired at a care center. Of course this means that he has to be gone for over 12 hours a day, 4 days a week which will be difficult. I want to be very supportive so if anyone can lend a hand I'd greatly appreciate it. I did survive my first day without him though. And it was while I was sick. Of course, this morning I couldn't find the strength to do it again, but I didn't want him to have to miss work. Maybe if he just stayed home from school I'd be fine. His boss ended up letting him have the day off, which I am very grateful for!