Basic Mom Style

I made a decision today. It's a decision I'm familiar with as a mother, and I don't know why it has taken me so long to make it. But it has a made a world of difference.

One thing I've always done as a mom is let my kids cry. When I put the twins on a schedule I just let them cry themselves to sleep. Sometimes it would take longer than I think most people would feel comfortable letting it go, but when I was in a patient mood I could stick it out to the bitter end, and they would cry themselves to sleep.

With newborns I'm a little different. I try not to let them cry. I just think for a while you have to just deal with the crazy newborn schedule. I try to give some leeway and save the "let them cry" stage for when i feel the are more ready for it. So with this baby I've been letting it go. It's just been so hard to tell if he's growing out of the newborn stage or not. And I also let it go because I knew he didn't feel good, and I didn't think I should let him cry if he was crying simply because he didn't feel good.

The hard thing about that is that I was exhausting myself and my patience. It just doesn't fit my mothering style to always be holding and calming a crying child. I try to have my children do as much as they can with as little interference from me as possible. Since I wasn't following my mothering way I think I was really wearing myself down. And I just kept thinking, "I'm not the type of mother that can handle a child that needs to be held, soothed, played with, etc. all the time. I don't think I was meant to be the mother of this baby."

Well today I made a decision. I took care of everything I could possibly think of with the baby. Then I went to set him down. He starts crying like he wants to eat. I just looked at him and said, "Well I'm done with feeding you every two hours. You should be growing out of the newborn eating habits by now, and you don't need to eat for another hour. I'm sorry but you're just going to have to cry."

Then I put him in his swing, covered him with a blanket, shut the door and turned my music way up. I then tried to find ways to keep myself busy, so I wouldn't concentrate on the crying. Amazingly, I was stress free. I could hear his crying, but I now knew it wasn't something I had to tend to, so it didn't make me anxious. He fell asleep within 15 or 20 minutes. It was amazing.

He woke up when it was regular feeding time. I fed him, burped him, checked his diaper, played with him for a bit and when he got fussy I put him in his swing and let him cry himself to sleep. It worked beautifully. I haven't felt this good as a mom for a long time. I didn't loose my temper or yell at anyone. I laughed and played with my children. I wasn't overly stressed with housework yet I still accomplished a lot. And it just amazes me that what made everything fall into place was not a medicine, new bottle or sleeping position, but instead it was something that I felt was so wrong to do to a child who doesn't feel good.

As the day went on he got calmer and calmer. By the end of the day I put him in his swing and he just calmly drifted off to sleep. It was absolutely beautiful.

Since the only pattern I've noticed with this child is that there is no pattern I'm not sure if this is something that will always work. And I know there will be times that I can't let the crying roll off my patience like water off a duck's back. But I really feel that this is a good decision, and I think it is going to make the relationship with this baby a much stronger one. It sounds a little strange that this will help me get closer to my child and help me feel like a better mother but I think it's just simply because this way I can enjoy him more.

WHY?

Why can't I be the type of mother who snuggles her kids when they wake up crying in the middle of the night?

Instead I get frustrated and angry and demand that they go to sleep.

Yes, the other night I lost my temper when my children woke up several times during their nap, and again during the night. I was so upset with them, and at such a loss of what to do, I finally brought them upstairs into my bed where they finally drifted off to sleep. This, however, is a habit I don't want to start.

As a mother I'm a little rough around the edges. I don't like to let my children demand of me. But by doing so I sometimes forget that I need to be soft, caring and safe.

I've decided I need to try to be a little less selfish. You know how they say, "To make a marriage work both spouses must be selfless." I'm applying that to motherhood too. I don't plan on letting my children walk all over me, but I just need to think a little less of my needs and little bit more of theirs. I think it will bring a little more peace into our home.

How you ask. . .I do not know

We've been putting the boys down in there beds at bedtime, and then as soon as they climb out and start playing we put them in their cribs. We really don't need the transition to happen right now, and I really didn't know if they were ready, so we didn't push it too hard. Which is why I was shocked when, on the third night of this nightly routine, the boys stayed in their beds. They did it the next night too. And the next day at nap time. I still can't believe it.



I did hear that bedtime routines were important for transitions like these. We did have a routine- PJ's, bottles and music- and I added a bedtime story to see if that would help them settle in their beds. But I don't really know if the routine- or the story- is what made the transition happen or not.


P.S. My big boy did fall off the top bunk twice.

P.P.S. He now won't get of anything by himself no matter how close it is to the ground.