S is for Slacker

Just a side note: Every time I go to write a post lately I try to keep in mind to keep it short, but have failed. Sorry for some of the long winded posts.



If you looked up slacker in the dictionary you may, or may not, find my name there. The boys have lost interest in playing outside, since it's grown colder-- and since we had a week of unending rainstorms. And I have let them stay inside and watch movies all day.

At one of our WIC appointments they asked me, "How much TV do the twins watch a day?"

I really didn't know the answer. I didn't even know what was considered acceptable, so I could fake a good answer.



I just told them, "1-2 hours."

That could be true. I don't know. At least WIC didn't seem to mind.

Usually they wake up, eat breakfast and ask to watch Thomas. . .

I say, "After the news."

They get bored and go play outside or something. Then lunch rolls around. We eat lunch. I change their diapers, and I send them downstairs to watch an hour of TV before their nap-- this is a new thing we've been trying to try and calm them down before nap time.

Sometimes, at night, we watch Baby Nighttime Programs, on channel 9400, or they watch a movie in their room.

I'm really not the greatest at the "limited TV viewing" thing. In fact I always have the TV on, even if I'm not watching it, just to hear some voices.

My children probably do watch too much TV. I usually don't let it bother me because I think we are a very active family. One day might be spent watching TV all day. Then the next we'll leave the house and won't return till bedtime.

I did do good when I purchased a Thomas. . . coloring book. The boys colored in it for days. And show it off with adoration.



But, even so, the Movie watching has eaten at me a little lately.

"I should take them to the park. We should go find some fun Halloween stuff to do. Why am I not motivated to go anywhere?"

And now our baby has a pretty little abscess to get over, which makes going out even harder. I just feel bad because his car seat straps sit right where the abscess is.



My friend had a cute idea for beating the "Stuck in a Rut" woes. She put pumpkins on the wall, 1 for each day of the month. Then she wrote an activity on the back. Everyday her and her daughter pick a pumpkin and do the activity. I thought it was rather creative, and fun!

I, also, usually wouldn't feel bad about the TV viewing because of the lessons we do. But I really haven't done them since August-- that's when I went into party planning mode for my baby's 1st Birthday.

We've just now started to do them again, but I've decided to only do them every other week.

Yes I have been kind of a slacker around here. Trying to get things back in order has been a difficult thing. The change of the seasons always leads to adjustments as well.

Perhaps I'll use my friends idea-- her blog is private, but I wish I could link it.

My Edumacation

I'm not the brightest crayon in the box. I mean my mind has a way of wrapping itself around thoughts and ideas, but I am sort of lacking. I haven't done much with college or a career. I have plans to, that I'm hoping will work out, but that is yet to happen. I guess you could say I'm just sort of good at a lot of things. I'm sort of good at art. I'm sort of good at the piano. I'm sort of good at dance. I'm sort of. . .well you get the idea. But I've realized, even though I lack in specialized skills, the skills I do have can help with a lot of things.

Like for example: my art skills. I quit art because I wasn't good enough. I'd see great painters and drawers, and I knew my skills could never compete. But later on I learned my skills were good enough to help in the classrooms I worked in. By drawing a picture of a panda bear, I could make a kids day.

Or I could bring a smile to my nephews face by making an awesome horse head for his pioneer parade-- he even asked for it to be a girl and named her after me.



When all is said and done that's good enough for me.

Another example: my singing skills. I love to sing. I mean "rearrange my front room to resemble a Broadway stage and belt out the tunes" LOVE to sing. But singing in front of people is not so much my forte. However singing lullabies to my children is one of my favorite things to do with my skills.

And even though I lack, in higher education, what I learned in elementary, and what I learned about teaching kids while working in classrooms, has helped me to create fun lessons for my kids.

So "lessons" isn't my favorite word because it just sounds too official. But basically every other day we sit down for an hour to an hour and a half and work on reading, science, history, etc. My basic schedule-- you know me I have to have a schedule-- goes like this:

Monday- History and Reading: We rotate history every month. So one month we'll talk about state history, the next month United States History and the next month global history. Then we start over with state. History is one of my favorite subjects and I love teaching it to my boys. Even though all they really care about is the coloring page, it's still fun-- well one little boy has a loving adoration for the American Flag which is rather sweet, so I guess it's rubbing off a little. For reading I work on letters and letter sounds. I also work on spelling their names. I would rather start with colors as opposed to letters, but I haven't put that together just yet. Usually on reading days I'll read them a story too.

Wednesday-- Science and Math: I really hadn't thought these two subjects out very well. They are my least favorite after all. I decided to do a rotation for science though. Right now we're talking about the Earth and next month we'll change the subject to something else like animals or space. For math we are working on numbers and counting. And sometimes shapes.

Friday-- Music and Art: My two most favorite subjects. I really have a strong opinion on how these two things can influence us in so many ways, for better or worse. They are probably the closest I've come to having a true passion in life-- aside from being a mother that is. We talk about composers and artists. We sing songs and listen to different music. Sometimes we color or paint. Some days we'll go outside and draw with sidewalk chalk. It's really laid back and fun.

My kids are all pretty young but they still pick up a few good things from these activities. I think the most important thing is the structure it brings. I've noticed they're a bit better behaved when we do these lessons consistently-- which I really haven't been very good at, but I am getting better!

I also babysit my nephew so he benefits from these lessons from time to time. I have to tell you it can be a frustrating route. It's been this way ever since I started helping him with his Kindergarten homework everyday. He just gets nervous and freezes up. He tries to make up answers instead of drawing from what he knows. I try my best to stay positive, but heaven knows I've lost my temper more than once-- and that doesn't help anyone.

Though I've been a strong supporter of the arts, in education, my whole life I never realized how beneficial they really are. After a frustrating week, of trying to work with my nephew on basic things, we were able to calmly enjoy a lesson on arts and music. There was no stress, there were no wrong answers and he was able to enjoy himself while getting the satisfaction of knowing he did a good job. I think that really helped to boost his confidence. It was something he could do, and do well, and that was a really good thing for him to learn-- and for me too.

I'm not the best at having these "lessons" all the time. And the main reason for them is just so I make the time to teach my kids. I'm terrible at reading bedtime stories and just taking a "time out" from cleaning to impart a little wisdom. But I know if I set aside a day and a time I'll have a better chance of getting it done.

Of course, even getting these lessons down doesn't have all my bases covered. I would also like to teach the boys about our faith and religion. I thought about squeezing it in with Music and Art, but then I realized our church already has a good system set up for teaching our children about these very things. I just needed to start doing it. Our church likes it's members to set aside time on Monday evenings for family time. We call it "Family Home Evening". Usually we have a prayer, a song, a scripture, a lesson and a treat. We decided to start making the extra effort to hold Family Home Evenings in our home.

This week we had a fun lesson where we learned about our first prophet, Joseph Smith. I left clues around the house, yard and park to help us learn about how Joseph Smith restored the Gospel to the Earth. The first clue led us to the boys room where we found scriptures. We read James 1:5 and then we were instructed to go outside and find the next clue. Each clue talked about the different things Joseph experienced while he was searching for a church to join.






Our Family Home Evenings also have a little history lesson tied into them. My husband and I decided to learn about the different counties in Utah. Our plan is to pick a county, learn about it and then take a trip there to see the sites. Unfortunately, without a set time to learn about said counties, we've been stuck on the same one all summer. We'll make it work someday. I decided our FHE history lessons could rotate with our "lesson" history lessons, so right now we're talking about the United States-- but, believe you me, when we get back to state history we are going to learn all we can about that county.

My skills aren't much. But, in the end, they help my family learn and grow. And that is all they really need to do. It would be nice if they could help me bring in some sort of an income. But the smiles on my kids faces is priceless! So I'll take what money can't buy.

Just Call Me. . .The Scheduler!

I admit it. I'm a huge scheduler. I may even be addicted to schedules. It's an addiction I wish I had discovered earlier in life. I could have been so much more productive. I'm a total believer in the schedule. You would not believe the change it brought over our youngest boy. He is so much happier now. And, now that he sticks to it all by himself, life is wonderful.

Here's how my boys scheduled day goes:

The Twins:

• 10:00- Wake up and Eat Breakfast
• 12:30- Snack time (though I'm not always vigilant with that one)
• Between 1:30 and 2:00- lunch
• 3:00- Nap Time
• 6:00- Wake Up and Snack
• 7:00- Dinner and Dessert
• 8:00- Bath Time
• 10:00- Bedtime

The Baby:

• 10:00- Wake Up and Eat Breakfast
• 12:30- Nap Time
• 2:00- Wake Up and Eat Lunch
• 3:00- Bath Time (he loves baths so if we're having a hard day in the tub he goes)
• 4:00- Nap Time
• 6:00- Wake up and Have a Bottle
• 8:00- Eat Dinner
• 10:00- Bottle and Bed

Seriously love our boys' schedules. Once I put the baby down at 4:00 I have two hours all to myself. It's wonderful.

Along with the boys schedules I create many other schedules. I give myself a schedule for eating. It helps me stay on my diet. I just give myself certain times when I can have certain snacks. I've also started a work out schedule. I work out on Monday's, Wednesday's and Friday's. So far I can only find time at night so I just do muscle building and stretching. I'd like to squeeze in some form of aerobics eventually.

I have a house cleaning schedule too. On Monday's and Wednesdays I do laundry. On Tuesday's I vacuum the floors upstairs and try to get another upstairs cleaning project done- like dust or clean the bathroom. I usually call it good if I can at least get the vacuuming done. On Thursdays I vacuum downstairs and clean up the play room- it's usually been trashed by the boys all week. Then I try to find a cleaning project to do downstairs as well. Friday is usually my day off, but I also use it as a catch up day. At the end of the month, on top of vacuuming, I try to get all the floors mopped. Though mopping the kitchen floor usually happens daily thanks to my children's messes. Of course, I also have to figure in those daily chores like doing the dishes, making the beds and picking up the boys toys upstairs. If I fall behind on those chores I usually regret it.

I started figuring in time to sit down and teach my kids some things. It's an effort to do many things. Get them to pay for a certain amount of time; teach them to do as I do with dancing or singing; start teaching them shapes, colors and to color- not just eat the crayons; and make sure I read to them regularly. I started it up because I wanted to get them used to how nursery works at church. But it's been good because I'm terrible at reading to them every night and at sitting down to teach them new things. I got the brilliant idea that if I schedule in the time I'd actually do it. So on Monday's, Wednesday's and Friday's I sit down with the boys for an hour or so and have lessons- I can't think of a better name for it. We usually do it around the baby's first nap time. It has been so fun to watch them grow!

Yes I'm a crazy schedule lady, but scheduling has helped me accomplish so many things. I even started to use scheduling to start saying family prayers and scripture reading. It's amazing how scheduling it in makes mountains look like mole hills for me. I really wish I had discovered this a long time ago. I just need to try and make things orderly and predictable so that life can become less chaotic and more fulfilled.

Just one more thing. With being broke I'm trying to find some ways to earn some money. I can take some nice photos and I also make some pretty cute photo cards. I'm still trying to hammer out some good prices, but I won't charge much. With the photo cards I can totally do long distance too. Just let me know if you're interested or if anyone you know is.



Go here to see some examples

Basic Mom Style

I made a decision today. It's a decision I'm familiar with as a mother, and I don't know why it has taken me so long to make it. But it has a made a world of difference.

One thing I've always done as a mom is let my kids cry. When I put the twins on a schedule I just let them cry themselves to sleep. Sometimes it would take longer than I think most people would feel comfortable letting it go, but when I was in a patient mood I could stick it out to the bitter end, and they would cry themselves to sleep.

With newborns I'm a little different. I try not to let them cry. I just think for a while you have to just deal with the crazy newborn schedule. I try to give some leeway and save the "let them cry" stage for when i feel the are more ready for it. So with this baby I've been letting it go. It's just been so hard to tell if he's growing out of the newborn stage or not. And I also let it go because I knew he didn't feel good, and I didn't think I should let him cry if he was crying simply because he didn't feel good.

The hard thing about that is that I was exhausting myself and my patience. It just doesn't fit my mothering style to always be holding and calming a crying child. I try to have my children do as much as they can with as little interference from me as possible. Since I wasn't following my mothering way I think I was really wearing myself down. And I just kept thinking, "I'm not the type of mother that can handle a child that needs to be held, soothed, played with, etc. all the time. I don't think I was meant to be the mother of this baby."

Well today I made a decision. I took care of everything I could possibly think of with the baby. Then I went to set him down. He starts crying like he wants to eat. I just looked at him and said, "Well I'm done with feeding you every two hours. You should be growing out of the newborn eating habits by now, and you don't need to eat for another hour. I'm sorry but you're just going to have to cry."

Then I put him in his swing, covered him with a blanket, shut the door and turned my music way up. I then tried to find ways to keep myself busy, so I wouldn't concentrate on the crying. Amazingly, I was stress free. I could hear his crying, but I now knew it wasn't something I had to tend to, so it didn't make me anxious. He fell asleep within 15 or 20 minutes. It was amazing.

He woke up when it was regular feeding time. I fed him, burped him, checked his diaper, played with him for a bit and when he got fussy I put him in his swing and let him cry himself to sleep. It worked beautifully. I haven't felt this good as a mom for a long time. I didn't loose my temper or yell at anyone. I laughed and played with my children. I wasn't overly stressed with housework yet I still accomplished a lot. And it just amazes me that what made everything fall into place was not a medicine, new bottle or sleeping position, but instead it was something that I felt was so wrong to do to a child who doesn't feel good.

As the day went on he got calmer and calmer. By the end of the day I put him in his swing and he just calmly drifted off to sleep. It was absolutely beautiful.

Since the only pattern I've noticed with this child is that there is no pattern I'm not sure if this is something that will always work. And I know there will be times that I can't let the crying roll off my patience like water off a duck's back. But I really feel that this is a good decision, and I think it is going to make the relationship with this baby a much stronger one. It sounds a little strange that this will help me get closer to my child and help me feel like a better mother but I think it's just simply because this way I can enjoy him more.

Feelings of Inadequacy

Becoming a mom was like finding that perfect job. But lately I've had a hard time finding what it was that made it so perfect.

I'm not placing blame on my children here. They are more perfect than anything. No, I'm placing blame on me. I'm the one that can't seem to climb back up the ladder of the joys of motherhood to view the wonders that only being a mother can bring.

I try to accomplish certain goals everyday: Take good care of the kids, find a good routine, find a balance between housework and enjoying the kids that everyone can be happy with and don't loose you temper.

Sadly these goals are far from being accomplished. This means almost everyday I disappoint myself in more then one way. Almost every day I feel I have failed.



I think if I could get the kids all in a routine I could handle it better. But there is just no such thing as a routine with the baby. One day he'll eat really well, he'll sleep for 3 and 1/2 to 4 hours and he'll be happy and content when he's awake. Then the next day he's just fussy, fussy, fussy. He'll only eat well half the time, it takes an hour or two to get all the burps out of him and just when I think I have got him content I lay him down and he starts to cry. At these moments I just want to cry, and I usually loose my temper

Then to top it off the twins are running around being their busy little selves. They get into everything that is not their toys. On a good day I can handle this because I have the energy and patience to just clean up the messes. But on the bad days I just scold them all day long. And, yes, I loose my temper with them too.



I know it's not anyone's fault. I know the baby is sick and in pain. But people act like that's a warm cozy blanket that should cover up all the problems and frustrations that arise from having to deal with a fussy baby. The truth is it's hard. No matter what the reason for his fussiness it's just hard.

And I know that what the boys are doing is just typical toddler behavior. But telling that to myself doesn't make my stress level go down.

Yesterday was a bad day. My husband pulled in late that night. He disregarded my blowout of a message I left on his answering machine- thank goodness- and came in and just talked to me. I told him, "I feel useless. I'm not a good mother anymore and you should just send the children to daycare because they would be better off there. I try so hard to take care of the house, and make sure there's food on the table, but there seems to be no point. The house is a disaster and nobody eats my cooking. I feel totally worthless and useless as a wife and a mother."

He, of course, consoles me and tells me I'm a good mom and a good wife. He then pulls out the leftovers from the night before and eats a hearty serving.

The men in my life are so great! They put up with so much from me. I yell and I scream, and they greet me with smiles and love that I don't feel I deserve. My baby will coo and goo, when he feels good, and give me delightful grins. Everyone says, "Are you telling momma that you love her?"



All I can think is I don't deserve that, and I don't know why he'd even recognize me as his mother. I've been nothing but horrible to him.

I'm really down and out. I feel like the only reason my twins turned out so well was because they were just simply good babies. And when I'm faced with a real challenge of a child I fail miserably. I long to feel the joys of motherhood again, but as each day passes all I can think is, "Maybe I'm just not as good at being a mother as I thought I was."

WHY?

Why can't I be the type of mother who snuggles her kids when they wake up crying in the middle of the night?

Instead I get frustrated and angry and demand that they go to sleep.

Yes, the other night I lost my temper when my children woke up several times during their nap, and again during the night. I was so upset with them, and at such a loss of what to do, I finally brought them upstairs into my bed where they finally drifted off to sleep. This, however, is a habit I don't want to start.

As a mother I'm a little rough around the edges. I don't like to let my children demand of me. But by doing so I sometimes forget that I need to be soft, caring and safe.

I've decided I need to try to be a little less selfish. You know how they say, "To make a marriage work both spouses must be selfless." I'm applying that to motherhood too. I don't plan on letting my children walk all over me, but I just need to think a little less of my needs and little bit more of theirs. I think it will bring a little more peace into our home.