Fighting the Stress Monster

I wish I was good under pressure and handled stress well, but I'm not. I think a big problem is that I'm incredibly driven by my emotions. I have a very hot temper. I tend to throw and kick things when I get really mad. And I yell. I yell a lot. But I try to recognize the fact that this is something I need to get under control. I really want to get it under control before my kids start getting old enough to remember. One of them has already started to recognize the warning signs of Monster Mom.

While growing up, and trying to control many emotions, I learned something important. You can't take control when you're in the middle of it all. The control has to come from the beginning. For example: If you want to avoid smoking and drinking you don't go and hang out at bars every night. Instead you would avoid the situation entirely, if you could.

So to fight off my stress monsters I need to recognize what will set me off. I've been trying to practice this. When I feel something that starts to dig under my skin, and I start to react, I just tell myself, "Stop! Don't go there!"

At times I even try to visualize pushing something out from under my nerves.

Another way I avoid stress is right here in this blog. I use my blogs, and facebook, as outlets to the outside world. Sometimes all I need is a little communication. It's funny how a comment on the blog, or a notification on facebook, can totally make my day. It can turn me from the over frazzled mom, who yells all day long, and can't seem to get anything done, into a happy mom, that sings fun little songs, and takes some time to tickle her kids and make them laugh.

I've also tried just calling some people, like my mom or husband, just to talk. It kind of helps, but it's not the best.

A not so good one is my Soda Pop. This is probably proof of how addicted I am, but when I'm feeling a little worn I pull out a pop and tell myself, "This is your break!" Take a drink, and a deep breath, and I feel slightly rejuvenated.

There are times I just can't let things go. Like repetitiveness really sets me off. Like the when I let out a frustrated moan when I hit my head in the kids playroom, for the hundredth time, while I was crawling in there to turn of the light. Pain is another one that sets me off. I then think about how I'm the only one that turns it off. And how I'm the only one that cleans up that stupid playroom. I even got so sick of it I took the light bulb out and none of the kids played in there for months. Luckily the twins are now old enough to crawl in and turn it off themselves when I ask them to.



Initial shock of a situation can set me off too! Like when I was at the McDonalds and one of the twins flushed a diaper cover down the toilet-- the more expensive part of the cloth diaper. It was a pocket diaper, so I pulled out the pad inside, set the cover on the toilet to be rinsed, put the pad in the wet bag, heard a flush, turned around and the diaper cover was gone. I didn't even know what to think. The whole thing must have freaked out my little boy because he started crying before I started yelling. Yes, right in the middle of a public restroom, I repeatedly yelled, "Don't ever do that again! Don't play with the toilets! Do you understand what you just did!" Luckily it was one of the cheaper diapers, but it was still a frustrating situation.

One that has really been digging at me lately is whining. Oh, how my children whine. And it drives me insane. Sometimes they whine about 5 things at once, "I want a drink, I want a cracker, I want to go on a walk." Then the rest will be gibberish that I'm yet to understand. So I try to solve a problem. Give them a cracker or a drink. They fold their arms and say, "No!" Apparently the gibberish, that I cannot understand, is what they are really after. So I just send them into the room to watch Thomas, or tell them to go outside. On my better days I can calmly say, "Say Please, and don't whine. Tell me what it is you want." On my bad days, in a not so calm fashion, I say "Stop whining! Oh my gosh you drive me CRAZY!" Sometimes the the good days and the bad days are the same day.



Even though I'm still working on having patience, and being calm under pressure, one other thing I try to practice is saying, "Sorry". I know I can't take back what I did or said. But it's really important to me to recognize that I have done something wrong, and then let my children know I shouldn't have done that and I am sorry. I don't want them to think everything is their fault. Sometimes it can be really hard for me to go and apologize. Even though I know I'm at fault, I'll still try and try to make it someone else wrong doing. But it's really important to me to do this, so I swallow my pride and go in and apologize. Of course, I always try to make sure I'm sincere. Because an insincere apology is almost as bad as no apology.

So one last thing on this post of mine. One more stress buster were using around here is this lovely calender.



I'll explain it in a minute, but first I want to explain where the idea stemmed from.

I wanted to create this for a long time now. A way to better organize my thoughts and get things done. But the pressure to get it done really came about over the summer. Our marriage went through a lot of stress. I felts so worn thin-- if anyone is a nerd, like me, that line from The Lord of the Rings about too little butter being spread over too much bread perfectly describes it. Things got so bad that I was worried I would never be able to get past it. I was worried I would hold it against my husband until he finally left. I knew that was wrong of me. I knew I needed to forgive him, but I just felt so wronged. Well believe it or not this calender set up has helped us move past some of those issues. One of the problems was that my husband had too much on his plate. He wasn't asking for help, but he was forgetting to do a lot of very important things. Which is why this calender really works well for us.

So I printed out little pictures for the chores I need to get done each week, month, etc. And we put them up as needed. I then printed out a picture for a Project Day. We'll have it once a month. And on that day we will pull a note card, out of an envelope, that will have a project written on it and get it done. There is also a project day specifically for my husband. I don't know if it will be once a week or once a month. Probably once a week for now because there is a lot of catching up to do. It's just like Project Day only this time it's things that my husband needs to get done. Last but not least, at the top is a picture for deep cleaning. Every month we'll pick a different room from the Deep Cleaning Envelope and spend the month deep
cleaning that room.

I also gave my husband a note pad that has all the days of the week on it. That way he can write down one thing each day that he needs to do.

I know it sounds like I'm picking on him, but I promise I'm doing my fair share too. Plus if he needs help, I'm always here.

These other calenders are for writing down events that are happening, and one is for m husband's work schedule because it's all sorts of crazy.



This calender has really helped cut down stress. In fact we've had so much free time lately, and nothing overwhelming or procrastinated to fill it's void, that we don't know what to do with ourselves. I should also note that it has only been a couple of days, so we'll see if it stands the test of time.

Good luck with your Stress Monsters! Whatever they may be!

This Is Me!

This is me. A silly, little, Mormon, girl, who writes a cheesy post about one of her favorite country songs. OK, not just favorite country song, but one of my all time favorite songs. One thing that really strikes me is the lyrics. They are so well written. And the way the music makes you just want to get up and do something. . .well it doesn't get any better than that. At least not for me.

Truth be told I really feel I can relate to this song. Who throws themselves into a fire more than me? OK I'm sure I have some competition out there, but you have to admit I seem pretty glutton for punishment at times.

Take my husband and I for example: We had a short dating period, got married in a winter month, are both the youngest in our families and we are the parents of multiples. All of these are usually factors that lead to a higher divorce rate. I guess we just like to beat the odds!

I got pregnant just nine months after having twins. Why? I guess twins just weren't enough of a challenge. As I raise my boys I realize how much I took advantage of with the twins. They were so easy going in so many ways, and, silly me, I just thought that's how babies were. I learned a lot from my youngest child, like not to judge other mothers too harshly and to not judge myself too harshly either. It's amazing how he humbled me and taught me that my mothering skills were still worth something all at the same time.

I don't know why I do the things I do. All my life I've wanted to be strong. I guess I keep throwing myself into the fire to try and prove to myself that I am. For years I felt so weak. People told me my traits were signs of low self esteem and lack of confidence. I never got asked out on a date in high school because I lacked confidence and guys respond to confidence. Me being shy means I have low self esteem and, that I once again, lack in the confidence area. I don't know if I necessarily believe that this is true, but in my search for answers, and approval, they are some of the things that came up.

I personally feel a need to overcome many of my shortcomings. One thing that I really strive to do is to be a woman of my word. I heard that phrase and fell in love with it. I wanted people to use that when they described me. I try hard to make an honest effort to do the things I promise I'll do. I try hard not to say things that are not true. When I compliment I don't lie. Being a "Woman of my word" is a goal that has helped me to achieve a lot. It has even helped me overcome, partially, my fear of confrontation. Have I succeeded? Not entirely. But I still try everyday.

I don't know if I'm strong, a woman of my word, confident or have high self esteem. But I know that I'm a person that generally cares for the well being of her family and others. I like to help whenever I can. And if I offer to help I guarantee I mean it. At times I may get prideful and boastful. It's not what I really mean to do, it's probably more just lack of practice, lack of knowing a better way to phrase things or not thinking how something may sound. Most the time I strive to connect. Make people feel validated. Let people know I can relate. If in fact I can.

Maybe I don't throw myself into the fire so much to prove my strength, but to prove it can be done. To gain a better understanding of trials, so that I may better help others. There's no doubt that my actions aren't completely selfless. But in the end I don't want to just be strong, I want to be strong with a story to tell. A story and a better understanding.

A Lesson From The Farmer and The Cowman

As my husband and I drove up to Ikea for, what we've come to call our "Ikea Dates", I played him one of my favorite Broadway Show tunes Soundtrack: "Oklahoma!" I thoroughly enjoyed listening to Hugh Jackman sing about the Oh so beautiful morning. And I'll admit some of the songs had me envisioning some fun Hoedown choreography in my head. But my favorite part was hearing this line:

"I don't say I'm no better than anybody else, But I'll be damned if I ain't jist as good!" --Eller, Rodgers and Hammerstein's "Oklahoma!"

I just thought that was perfect! Sometimes I get down on myself because I feel I'm too annoying, maybe a bit too preachy, maybe to quick to spill unwanted advice, etc. But then I think, "I may do some annoying and irritating things, but so does everybody else, and if I can forgive them well they can forgive me!"

As a mother especially I feel inadequate at times. Heck, the whole month of August I coasted by. I didn't really take time to enjoy with my kids. I mostly yelled at them. My patience was so lost I couldn't even tone it down when I was outside for all to hear. There were many stressors associated with this month. One of them being my baby boy's first birthday.

I like to have a huge party for their first birthday and his was no exception. We threw a fun Cowboy party that I have been planning since he was born. Of course, all that planning didn't help much when a shed in our backyard didn't get moved until the day of the party. This left me a little frazzled, still trying to set up at 6:00-- when the guests arrived-- and having a short temper with my husband. Luckily my aunt and uncle showed up early, in hopes of going to the local art museum which was closed, and helped as set up a lot. All the guests were calm and patient. And I calmed down once we finally got the food all set out.



The sad thing is, after all was said and done, I was looking forward to finally having my patience restored. Finally, I wouldn't have to obsess over every little mess being made. Finally that shed wouldn't be digging into my nerves. Instead, I got some sort of stomach bug and spent the next day ill. I barely paid attention to my kids, and only lifted a finger to put them down for a nap.

I don't think I'll be getting any gold stars for motherhood this month. But my head is still in the game, and I'm still doing the best that I can. Sometimes I wish I could handle things in a much calmer and sweeter way, like so many other mothers I see. Sometimes I feel I let my kids get away with too much and don't try hard enough to teach them. Other times I worry about what psychological problems I may be causing them, and if these will later cause their wives incredible grief. And on my good days I just try to enjoy my sweet little princes, do my best to teach them to be gentlemen and protectors and try to look for the skills I've been given that will allow me to raise these boys to be good husbands and fathers.

I'm not the best that's for sure! But hopefully I fall somewhere around being ". . .jist as good."

Borrowed Gift

A friend of the family wrote this, and it just really touched me. My mother lost her first baby when he was about 20 months old-- our youngest is named after him. I can't imagine what it's like to loose a child. I guess all mother's have a hint because they know the love they have for their children, but still I'm sure that it's one of those things you just don't fully understand until if happens to you. My mom would say that she just wouldn't want to wake up the next morning, but the morning would always come and she would have to find a way to get through the day. Life goes on even though she didn't want it to, and she just had to find a way to keep living.

In our faith we believe that when we loose children, at such a young age, we will get a chance to raise them again in the millennium. A comfort at times I'm sure, but even so it takes a lot of faith and understanding to get through the loss of a child.

Thank you to my friend for the great reminder of just how precious our little ones are. I know I'll strive harder to appreciate each day I have with my children. They really are such wonderful spirits that I've been entrusted with. At times I don't feel worthy. At times I don't understand. At times I don't think I'm cut out to raise children to be good and decent adults. I guess it takes a lot of faith and understanding to raise children as well.

My Edumacation

I'm not the brightest crayon in the box. I mean my mind has a way of wrapping itself around thoughts and ideas, but I am sort of lacking. I haven't done much with college or a career. I have plans to, that I'm hoping will work out, but that is yet to happen. I guess you could say I'm just sort of good at a lot of things. I'm sort of good at art. I'm sort of good at the piano. I'm sort of good at dance. I'm sort of. . .well you get the idea. But I've realized, even though I lack in specialized skills, the skills I do have can help with a lot of things.

Like for example: my art skills. I quit art because I wasn't good enough. I'd see great painters and drawers, and I knew my skills could never compete. But later on I learned my skills were good enough to help in the classrooms I worked in. By drawing a picture of a panda bear, I could make a kids day.

Or I could bring a smile to my nephews face by making an awesome horse head for his pioneer parade-- he even asked for it to be a girl and named her after me.



When all is said and done that's good enough for me.

Another example: my singing skills. I love to sing. I mean "rearrange my front room to resemble a Broadway stage and belt out the tunes" LOVE to sing. But singing in front of people is not so much my forte. However singing lullabies to my children is one of my favorite things to do with my skills.

And even though I lack, in higher education, what I learned in elementary, and what I learned about teaching kids while working in classrooms, has helped me to create fun lessons for my kids.

So "lessons" isn't my favorite word because it just sounds too official. But basically every other day we sit down for an hour to an hour and a half and work on reading, science, history, etc. My basic schedule-- you know me I have to have a schedule-- goes like this:

Monday- History and Reading: We rotate history every month. So one month we'll talk about state history, the next month United States History and the next month global history. Then we start over with state. History is one of my favorite subjects and I love teaching it to my boys. Even though all they really care about is the coloring page, it's still fun-- well one little boy has a loving adoration for the American Flag which is rather sweet, so I guess it's rubbing off a little. For reading I work on letters and letter sounds. I also work on spelling their names. I would rather start with colors as opposed to letters, but I haven't put that together just yet. Usually on reading days I'll read them a story too.

Wednesday-- Science and Math: I really hadn't thought these two subjects out very well. They are my least favorite after all. I decided to do a rotation for science though. Right now we're talking about the Earth and next month we'll change the subject to something else like animals or space. For math we are working on numbers and counting. And sometimes shapes.

Friday-- Music and Art: My two most favorite subjects. I really have a strong opinion on how these two things can influence us in so many ways, for better or worse. They are probably the closest I've come to having a true passion in life-- aside from being a mother that is. We talk about composers and artists. We sing songs and listen to different music. Sometimes we color or paint. Some days we'll go outside and draw with sidewalk chalk. It's really laid back and fun.

My kids are all pretty young but they still pick up a few good things from these activities. I think the most important thing is the structure it brings. I've noticed they're a bit better behaved when we do these lessons consistently-- which I really haven't been very good at, but I am getting better!

I also babysit my nephew so he benefits from these lessons from time to time. I have to tell you it can be a frustrating route. It's been this way ever since I started helping him with his Kindergarten homework everyday. He just gets nervous and freezes up. He tries to make up answers instead of drawing from what he knows. I try my best to stay positive, but heaven knows I've lost my temper more than once-- and that doesn't help anyone.

Though I've been a strong supporter of the arts, in education, my whole life I never realized how beneficial they really are. After a frustrating week, of trying to work with my nephew on basic things, we were able to calmly enjoy a lesson on arts and music. There was no stress, there were no wrong answers and he was able to enjoy himself while getting the satisfaction of knowing he did a good job. I think that really helped to boost his confidence. It was something he could do, and do well, and that was a really good thing for him to learn-- and for me too.

I'm not the best at having these "lessons" all the time. And the main reason for them is just so I make the time to teach my kids. I'm terrible at reading bedtime stories and just taking a "time out" from cleaning to impart a little wisdom. But I know if I set aside a day and a time I'll have a better chance of getting it done.

Of course, even getting these lessons down doesn't have all my bases covered. I would also like to teach the boys about our faith and religion. I thought about squeezing it in with Music and Art, but then I realized our church already has a good system set up for teaching our children about these very things. I just needed to start doing it. Our church likes it's members to set aside time on Monday evenings for family time. We call it "Family Home Evening". Usually we have a prayer, a song, a scripture, a lesson and a treat. We decided to start making the extra effort to hold Family Home Evenings in our home.

This week we had a fun lesson where we learned about our first prophet, Joseph Smith. I left clues around the house, yard and park to help us learn about how Joseph Smith restored the Gospel to the Earth. The first clue led us to the boys room where we found scriptures. We read James 1:5 and then we were instructed to go outside and find the next clue. Each clue talked about the different things Joseph experienced while he was searching for a church to join.






Our Family Home Evenings also have a little history lesson tied into them. My husband and I decided to learn about the different counties in Utah. Our plan is to pick a county, learn about it and then take a trip there to see the sites. Unfortunately, without a set time to learn about said counties, we've been stuck on the same one all summer. We'll make it work someday. I decided our FHE history lessons could rotate with our "lesson" history lessons, so right now we're talking about the United States-- but, believe you me, when we get back to state history we are going to learn all we can about that county.

My skills aren't much. But, in the end, they help my family learn and grow. And that is all they really need to do. It would be nice if they could help me bring in some sort of an income. But the smiles on my kids faces is priceless! So I'll take what money can't buy.

Silly Complex's

Motherhood brings on a lot of unexpected things. I think some of the most unexpected things for me are those silly little thoughts and complex's. What's most interesting is, when faced with certain situations, you feel things that you never dreamed you would. For example when we were faced with unemployment a couple Christmas' ago, and needed insurance because of our upcoming bundle of joy, we talked about my husband enlisting in the army. I, of course, felt the expected things like nerves, being anxious and wondering if I could handle being an Army Wife. But, along with that, came a feeling that people might think I was selfish to risk my husbands life just so we could have money and benefits. I don't know why I felt that way. I certainly don't think that of any woman I know who's husband has joined the army. I mostly just admire them and their strength. But still I felt it, and I never expected it.

I can't say I ever expected wanting to be pregnant-- and I mean ever. Nor did I expect wanting another baby so soon after having twins. But here I am with three kids, 18 months apart. It's not something I would recommend, but I have to say I personally like it.

Now that I have been pregnant it's hard to go back to those days of simply having a monthly cycle. Now so many mixed emotions have to come with my monthly gift. Even now, when I may be on my way to thinking of another baby but certainly not ready for another pregnancy, I find every month I'm anxious to know if that lovely thing will show it's face. It doesn't help that the symptoms are the same. I get moody, thirsty, my chest swells a little, tired, etc. These signs show their face and I start calculating when my last period was. I'm usually a week away. Then the tension starts.

"Is it going to come? Do I want it to come? Will I be happy or sad if it comes?" These are the questions I always ask myself.

Usually it's right on time. I can handle that. I know it isn't our time to be pregnant and I'm OK with that. But then there are the months that it's a little late.

"Just take a test," my husband says.

I hate taking the tests. I don't like to take them unless I'm 95% sure they will say yes. I don't know why. I'm really not ready for another pregnancy. But even so, it's the same now as it was right after I had the last one, I don't like to see the negative result on that test.

This happened this month. I finally decided to take the test. I was pretty late. Seconds after the test read negative my monthly gift showed up. I mean really. Does taking the test somehow trigger it? Not only did I waste the money, but I wasted emotional stress.

Sometimes I wonder if I feel this way because my moodiness and tiredness being linked to bringing another miracle in this world would at least bring about a greater sense of worth.

It's bad enough that each month I have to face the fact that my emotional outbursts have no merit, but I've also been struggling with being a little backed up lately and this brings on another whole set of fun complex's. Realization of this problem came about when it got so severe one morning I visited the emergency room. Ever since I've really had to watch my diet and try to take in a lot of fiber. The problem is no fun, and one of the most embarrassing things I've had to deal with yet. But that's not the worst part. Along with it comes nausea, aches in my hips and back, hot flashes and movements in my tummy. This makes the problem itself much more difficult to face. Feeling pregnant is so much easier to handle when it's about bringing a child into the world-- not about being unable to go to the bathroom.

Another complex I'm facing lately might seem a little strange to some. I have three beautiful boys. And I mean beautiful. I know this sounds like bragging but my motherly adoration's have been confirmed on several occasions. My OB commented on the twins all the time. He even said they could date his daughter. All of my boys have been mistaken for girls on several occasions. And I get told a lot that they should be in a magazine.

My youngest one in particular is one of the most beautiful babies you've ever seen. I used to look at him when he was a newborn and just think, "You are so nice to look at. I could just look at you for hours."

He has fair skin, blue eyes and blonde hair. He gets mistaken for a girl even more than his brothers did. The problem with this is that he was supposed to be my girl. When I got pregnant with him I just knew I was going to have a girl. OK maybe I didn't know it would be a girl, but another boy just didn't sound right. When I found out he was a boy my heart dropped. Not simply because he was a boy, but because I felt I had lost my girl. When we finally met him last September I just looked at him and thought, "I'm glad you're here. And I'm glad you're not a girl, but it was just so hard to get you here. Couldn't you have brought a sister with you?"



I don't spend my days wishing he was a girl. There were very colicky times when I may have wished I hadn't had that crazy idea to get pregnant. But I honestly don't wish him to be a girl. But still when he's mistaken for one my heart sinks a little. Here these people think I have two boys and a girl when really I don't know what it's like to have a girl at all. To them I do, but I know I don't.

Sometimes I look at him and say, "You're just too pretty to be a boy."

I get a little sad again. Sometimes I find it hard to look at him. I know that sounds crazy but it's true. I guess it just reminds me that, pretty as he is, I still don't have a daughter and I may never have one.

We've had a rocky road this baby and I. When we first met I wasn't sure if he wanted to be a part of our family. We struggled through the first 3 months. Both hoping things would get better. I let his Dad take on a lot because I just didn't have the patience I needed for him. He wanted constant attention. He always wanted to be held, couldn't be left in a room alone and just seemed really needy compared to his brothers. I'm just not that type of mother. I like kids that can entertain themselves. That can be content while I get a little work done. I play with my kids, but we can all enjoy it more if I'm not thinking about all the stuff I need to get done. When we came out of the colicky and indigestion haze I found I had a son who was completely enthralled with his mother. How this happened? I do not know. But I'm glad because it helps me feel that I wasn't so terrible to him. Maybe there were moments of love and happiness. He some how came to feel safe and content with me amid all the screaming and crying. And that brings a little comfort to me.

I love all my boys. Most days I'm perfectly happy raising three gentlemen. Even if sometimes my silly little complex's say otherwise. I can't ignore them. It's probably not a good idea to smother them. I guess all I can do is just acknowledge them and try to figure out how I really feel.

Nursery Days

Our church has a nursery that the little kids enter when they are 18 months old. The kids play in there while the parents go to their other meetings. It sounds lovely right?22 Well, getting my kids to go to nursery was a huge trial. I cried over it several times. Almost every week I'd come home saying, "I'm not doing this anymore. They can just come to the meetings with me." I guess my situation was a bit more exhausting considering my husbands work schedule has him gone every Sunday. But still the transition to nursery is not a fun thing.



Growing up in the church I had known about the chaos that could ensue when children were first left alone in nursery or primary. The general rule, that my family always agreed worked best, was to just leave the kid crying or not. Chances are as soon as you left, the kid would calm down and all would be well.

This rule has worked well for me with babysitters. I just tell the sitters the plan, make sure they are OK with the idea and then execute. I usually come back to find all was well.

Well, this rule didn't work well with nursery. The boys would cry and cry until they finally came and got us.

The leaders told me that I needed to sit in nursery with them until they got more comfortable in there. I didn't like this idea. If I'm going to be in nursery than give me a nursery calling. I mostly didn't like it because I didn't know what the boundaries were. Should I help my kids? Is that what the leaders want? In my mind, having worked as an aide at a school, I'd prefer the parents to stand back and let me handle it. That way the kid learns to respond to me and not just the parents. But what if the leaders didn't agree. I also didn't know if I should just be a fly on the wall or if I should help with the other kids. The whole thing was a raging conflict that left me exhausted every week. This sort of thing is especially hard for a person obsessed with doing things the right way all the time, like me.



I tried to ask friends what they would recommend, or what they think was expected and they didn't know either. I told my mom about my frustrations and she said in so many words, "As long as you're in there with them they aren't going to learn to adjust. You need to be out of the room in order for them to get used to it. Otherwise you're going to be stuck in there." I agreed. But leaving them wasn't working. The leaders tried to find times for me to just sneak out. But this just added to the boys insecurities. Every time the door opened they would quickly scan the room. Sometimes I'd sit outside the room, in case there was a problem, and every time the door opened my boys would just cry. The sound of the door opening had become a trigger to them. It seemed to make them feel scared and it definitely upset them. I felt overwhelmed, exhausted and out of my league. I couldn't solve this problem.



Then one Sunday a neighbor put a thought into my head. She said that they would go in and sit with their kids and instead of sneaking out they would tell the child they were leaving, assure them they would be back and then they would walk out. This sounded like it could work. So I tried it. It didn't work great, but it worked better.

I then decided what we needed was a good routine. After all the solution to all other chaotic things in our lives was schedules and routines. Well if anything was chaotic nursery was. I would bound up the stairs, dragging the twins while holding a baby, a car seat and a diaper bag. I would them try to free one hand to open the door and shove the twins in. Binkies, toys, blankies? I didn't have time to check to see if they still had these in hand. Obviously this was part of our problem.

So I came up with a plan. First we would walk up to nursery calmly. We'd set our stuff down. I'd ask the twins to put their toys, blankies and binkies away. I would then talk to them about all the fun they would have in nursery and I would assure them I would be back to pick them up. Well we tried it one week. And it worked. I just had to talk to them until they were ready to walk in themselves. They did wonderfully in nursery. I was so happy and proud of my boys!

Of course, not all problems are solved. There were still weeks they wouldn't go. The leaders and others would try to help. But this would only make it worse. The boys would get nervous because they would think they were being forced to do something they didn't want to do. The leaders would ask me to come in with them, but I just thought, "I'm not stepping foot in that room again. I appreciate you trying to help but please just let me can handle this."

I'd shy off to a corner and try to talk to them and calm them down. When that didn't work I'd take them to class with me. I wouldn't give them snacks or toys-- they had to go to nursery to get those. And I would make them simply sit there and they weren't allowed to move. Everyone was impressed with how well behaved my children were. Little did they know I was actually upset with them. Finally they would get bored and then I could convince them to go to nursery.

Now the boys walk into nursery no problem. I can't always get their binkies away from them, but I don't complain. I'm glad we found our own little solution. I don't know why I expected anything else from my children. After all they have a defiant mother who doesn't like to be forced into things. The decision had to be there's. Thank goodness we figured that out. I think this will be a great stepping stone for all of us.